Recently, I’ve been feeling stuck in my growth. Often in my life it’s a sequence of one step forward, two steps back. I definitely feel I am in the steps back sequence.
Work: I’ve worked in my job for 17 years. I am still trying to maximize my growth here. I started DDO here but it never took off as I would expect so right now I am backing off and focusing on me. I’ve contemplated doing massage school because I think it is something that can invigorate me.
Body: I start work at 6 but get up for a 5am yoga on Tuesday. Ideally, would love to do this 4-5 days a week, but it is the only class offered at this time. I have contemplated doing a crossfit workout at that time. I am valuing my sleep over doing this at the moment. Most nights I am getting to bed after 10 which gives me around 7 hours of sleep. I am still getting some swims in after work before my kids get home.
Parenting: My oldest child is taking meds for ADD and mood regulation. It’s a challenge for me in the sense of just being present for him and my daughter.
Marriage: I would really like to feel that we are supporting each others growth. At times I back away if I get hurt intentionally or not.
Addiction: Currently having about 2-3 drinks every night and a couple of puffs of pot nightly. I know I am numbing myself to some of the grind. I had been sober until pot became legal. I tend to think of it as more of a spiritual drug and I’ve made a choice to be a “fake yogi”. Not sure I am ready for the sainthood yet.
Diet: Recently started the Keto diet. I have had good results so far. I think I have done it about a month and I’ve lost about ten pounds/ 2-3% body fat.
Sleep: I need to prioritize getting more sleep. I tried to going to bed at 9 yesterday (ended up falling asleep around 10). I think this will help me be more clear headed during the day.
Yoga: Was able to get up a bit earlier and do ten minutes of yoga before work. Baby steps. It felt good.
Integral Zoom meeting: I was able to participate for a short period of time on Sunday with a group that does a Zoom meeting on Integral Theory. It was nice to see so many other perspectives on Integral: all knowledgeable and enlightening!
Reflections I have this morning on this site and Integral is while debates can be healthy they can also drag my practice into cerebral arguments. For me it is so important to ground my practice in tangible personal growth goals. Getting an understanding of Integral is vital but I also don’t want it to be detached from what I can control. I work with a group that are centered in Orange/Amber and I have to remind myself that some perspectives are outside of my control no matter how much I think they are not informed. All I can do is inform a bit but remind myself to not throw pearls to swine.
Have a good day everyone! What else are people doing to prime their personal growth?
How many people are actually involved in an ITP where others are involved to hold each other accountable (or at least incorporate the LL)? I’ve heard multiple people voice a complaint that Integral can be too “heady”. It seems in my limited experience that there is a small allergy to doing ITP- with the biggest reason for not participating in this practice is not enough time or spread too thin. It seems by doing ITP integralists are willing to “walk the talk”. I can find myself thinking “oh I know how to do yoga I don’t need to do the practice today”. With all that being said, it would be nice to find others that want to do some online community around ITP. Let me know if you are interested, either through DM or on here. Thanks!
“The most awake practitioners don’t try to disappear. Instead, they let themselves be a uniquely flavored conduit for the universal conscious force of life.” Who is woke?
I am going to do a check-in because what many of you may not know is that I consider this to be part of my sangha and I am working on connecting with others. So, here we go…
I have a re-occuring question and it is: does god exist?
I am reading religion of tomorrow and he mentions something similar to this question (or how I took it) in which he clairfied that those that ask this question are really questioning their relationship with god (this is my interpretation). And I found it to be a very good insight just because this thought pops up in my head often.
Often I return to a Joseph Campbell insight about (paraphrasing) if there was proof of God then what would be the purpose of faith.
I think this is a re-occuring thought because I am always questioning my place in all of this. I grew up with the idea of God as a fact and it is only as I have become older that the thought that perhaps this thought is a fantasy is a very real possibility.
It forces me to confront my own mortality. It makes me weigh what I really value. I am ok if I did die and there is no God. I figure it is my own version of “if you meet the buddha in the middle road go around him and keep on walking.” I would like to believe there is. And I am ok with that. 
That is all… Thanks
I personaly don’t believe either in existence or non-existence of God. My aim is direct Realisation of God by my spiritual practice. For me this would be the only “proof” that i accept. But maybe in that radical mystical God-realisation “i” would no longer exist… Who knows…
Check-in: I recall reading something in a positive psychology book about the benefits of groups when it comes to weight loss. If I recall correctly, it discusses the importance of group sharing as a factor in maintaining weight loss. But take all of this with a grain of salt because I can’t recall what book it is in.
I am bringing this up because (similar to what @corey-devos is discussing in his inhabit podcast) is the importance of integrating the ideas of integral into our own lives so we show up more fully. In the podcast he mentions the dangers of isolation, especially in these social media days. What better way to help accelerate our development then by connecting with other integralists? But I think it needs to be purposeful. How well are we connected to others? How much do we care about another person’s growth? How vulnerable do we allow ourselves to be with others? How much can a group hold us accountable to our developmental goals?
These are all questions brought up in Kegan’s “an everyone culture” and how one goes about starting a Deliberately Developmentally Organization (DDO).
I don’t think it is enough to be around other integralists. What matters is how well connected these integralists are to other integralists and how faithful they are to developmental practices.