My deep dive into the world of decolonization, anti-racism, gender theory, etc. was occasioned by the mandate for screening for knowledge of these topics among candidates for a technical teaching position. My initial reaction to the job posting was WTF does any of that have to do with technical education? Using a more '80s vintage of multi-culturalism, I had been working (successfully) with very diverse students for a long time. Now I was trying to grapple with post-structuralist CRT and figure out how to align that with STEM. Institutionally, women of color now constitute the majority of administrators in my supervisory chain and the office of equity is extremely prominent in setting the tone for everything. So I faced the existential choice of putting cotton in my ears or trying to find some legitimate synthesis. Went with door #2 …
What rocked my world was the emotional impact of this body of literature. Not the impact the authors were looking for, to be sure. I gave up guilt- and shame-based consciousness in therapy 30 years ago, so not going there. What bugged me was the way this literature plays on my preferred turf, meta-historical analysis. But why did it feel so personal? Eventually, I realized there was some classic transference-counter transference going on. Both in me and in the authors I was reading. It was the sort of co-dependent fandango I thought was over for me decades ago. Although my developmental psychology was quite rusty last year (much more updated now), I knew enough to realize that sort of mutual shadow projection is the stirrings of something bigger wanting out.
I revisited some of the authors again, and this time resolved to read not with the head and only with the heart. The social science claims may or may not have been BS, but I listened to them like a parent listens to his kids - proud of their efforts, not so critical about the results. What clicked for me was the realization that this was meaning making in action. They were thoroughly trashing my preferred world view, true, but they were also creating their own incipient world views in the process. It was like beaks cracking through egg shells. The upshot of all that is I needed to find a new equilibrium that would restore my own intellectual coherence while making room for the developmental processes of others around me who were clearly on parallel, but also different, tracks.
So a couple things about this … going all angry white guy on the Intellectual Dark Web was never an option for me. My legit multiculturalism from way back when prevents that. (Dare I say, my old school greeness). So what happened for me was like what happens when teenagers start getting too close to the mark with their passive aggressive probing. You need to become a clearer, more definitive sort of adult. One with a more robust structure that can hold the emerging energies of those who challenge you for all the right reasons. The challengers don’t really want you to fail as a role model. They want you to convince them 1) that you really do care and 2) that you are worthy of emulation when they come into their own. (Understand, the CRT authors in question are in fact adults. But I’m a generation older and not ready for scrapping just yet. The personal challenge was - what do I still have to offer to this coming generation?)
All this makes me want to keep looking harder at first tier to second tier transition. There is a definable process in there. Can’t quite articulate it yet, but it’s like a statue in the block of marble wanting to be freed from the stone. Also, there is now on my desk an outline treatment of “the horizontal dimension within each altitude”. Breaking news: people of color aren’t following white male developmental pathways, at least not in some literal way. There are different civilizations out there and there are diverse people of all types in what used to be known as western civilization. When you disaggregate developmentalism by geography, class, and culture, you can find a bunch of parallel tracks. That’s the new world view I needed to articulate to restore personal order - a Piagetian accomodation allowing for the smooth assimilation of globally scaled diversity and equity.