I have a issue with strong homosexual feelings and thoughts which are inside of me. I am viewing my homosexual feelings nor from a stage blue nor an stage green point of view. I am now 25 years old and already had a few homosexual experiences which felt good on a sexual level but also felt like it disconnects from a source of power and leaves with deep feelings of shame and weakness. I primeraly have sexual and emotional feelings towards women and quitted relationships with good women who really loved me because I was also living in strong pain during this relationships. One girl also complained that I couldn’t give her what she needs and always pointed to men who could ,give‘‘ the woman what she needs. I was only raised by mother who was very overprotective and I had very rarely contact with my father which left me with strong pain. When I am in higher states of conciousness I can feel very strong in this deep old pain which leaves me almost instant in tears (with a feeling of release at the same time). I also had moments where I were in contact with Jesus and since then I can understand and find a lot of wisdom in the Bible. Because of the strong negative feelings after encounters with other men I started to suppress this feelings and focused on women. During an MDMA Trip a few month ago I had a very strong feeling of acceptance towards my gay feelings with admitting to myself I could possibly be gay. At the weeks afterwards I could find more and more truth in Jesus and also had moments where I was in high states of consciousness where I realized the gateway to Jesus is to accept him fully, let go of yourself and transcend trough that believe in him. I researched more regarding homosexuality and the believe in Christ. What I could find where explanations that behind homosexual feelings there are strong insecurities with the own masculinity and also father / mother problems of which the need arises to cope with the feelings from an outside source. But this ,problem“ can not be healed through homosexuality, it can lead to sexual addictedness, etc. (I cannot remember the other problems which where named). And the actual Solution of this problem is in coping with the wounds and healing and transcending them. Other things which come to my mind are, that there is this saying ,Jesus is life“. Tony Robbins also said that he strongly believes that ,life supports what life supports“. And in a homosexual way of living there is a direct disconnection. During the relationship with the one girl I could very strongly recognize the divine in her and the Connection between man and women is sacred. So I have the feeling that the Solution for me is in focusing to heal my old wounds, strengthen the masculinity inside myself while fully admitting my homosexual feelings as an expression of old wounds. I hope to offend no one and I am really interested in other options and help towards that topic.