It’s a bit more complicated and from my experiences, women are developmentally ahead, yet I got myself thinking about this just today, especially by academic standards many women are ahead, yet integral consciouness in 4 quadrants expressions has not fully solidified itself, and many are seeking that with the underbelly of umber very often, as umber has gone missing with men, pragmatism and expertise in depth in an area, as due to post-modernity they are forced to embrace the nuances of green for example privacy of a person, instead of seeing oneself as world citizen. Many men sort of have to deal with the red/blue narccicisms of todays age, were authority, power god drives and narccistic exterior demanding of objects are of interest instead of gaining more wholness and integrating oneself.
Even what Jordan Peterson talks about with post modernity in scandinavian countries in the interests, there show the tendencies the Alision Armstrong book speaks about, women choose more nuturing caring vocations and life paths, as they are more interested in expressing it biologically, imo at teal+ you become more interested to be whole for the larger good, true and beautiful, I WE and IT’s in my own terms for humanity, and work on integrating the various hick-ups and developmental procceses along, imo women are ahead, as they naturally can form an integral consciouness, men might be better at certain stages at previous levels, and the natural proclivities imo are brought to the forefront more strongly at teal, as both are able to engage at a deeper polarity while not being in the academic neutral standing, or even charge the academic neutral energy polarity of emotions & sex.
The whole issue of gender is transcended and included at teal, hence you develop more righ-brain capacities which many vision logic early men do, and realize the altitude forces them back to integrating the healthy best fit functionality of yang principles and dynamic of men or yang principles action, direction, leading, confidence, assertivness in AQAL fashion with the most 3 important developmental lines (quoting cosmic consciouness from Wilber audiobook) Cognitive, emotional and moral. The core issue is some women are not aware of the map, yet they play the territory, and most/some men are also at this level of awareness, there is a different emphasis on integrating development, and I don’t know statistically who has the upper-hand to reach teal/yellow or who is better from moving from teal to turqouise, if you think about it imo men should have it easier to move to teal, yet academic rigour focuses many to think at teal and forgets emotions and morals, and many women often include exactly that as they make the subject, object in that space and are able to regulate emotions properly etc.
A core bias of men is cynical mechanical technician view of reality, that creates another underbelly, if you’d be hyperconscioues the only issue is making wrong choices as you don’t know which level of development one engages in, and that causes issues etc. Due to the gender polarity imo many men and women have an issue integrating the polarity of healthy yin & yang principles of masculine and feminine as biological gender is fixed, and we as humans don’t have a new pair of organs that makes sex a different type of act of reproduction that would classifiy a new biological gender, instead of a modified version of male/female biologically with different social category and self-identifiaction.
Idk there is more to this, yet I found so much new stuff and I’ve been dating and stopped, due to various reasons, and found some loopholes were I am able to date quiet integrated women, yet it takes an integrated life style to meet integrated women, in that sense the easiest answer is like attracts like, and co-creating in a relationship that is integrally aware. I am not the best at it, as I realized my interest are very broad, and I have to work out a lot of hiccups, and I’ve been in the dating scene a bit and saw it’s hostility especially the ethnocentric views, and how women are often played at this umber/orange level of development mostly, and green is a different issue with covert status seeking and denying the performative maximization etc. I had this in the last relationship partially and I am still working out kinks, yet had to realize how deep this goes.
If you don’t include being more yin with men and seeing the polarity of being masculine and feminine and they reject you out of it, it’s also a developmental issue, and sure you can join these groups and get laid and play all of these games, yet I don’t buy it that it’s integral hoe_math is quiet good at pointing at the polarity and maps of development in natural language and making fun of the polarity occuring in dating, and yes many women are not so conscious if you include online-dating, often the most pragmatic factors work. Status, money etc. yet it does not gurantee a good relationship, I had luck so far as I played charm and took a course that seemed integral to me, yet also you can go out an approach women, be chill, causal and have results, dating is not about development I made that mistake, finding an integral partner is not easy, yet if you get good at either of it you spot the ones who have the potential to fit the conditional criteria, you’d yearn for in a relationship.
I am riffing of my own experiences and as I don’t own the book, I let the a.i write me the gist of it, as I could learn from the perspective this is what the idea give me as a brief overview:
The Queen’s Code by Alison Armstrong is essentially a relationship and communication guide that reframes how women and men relate — with a focus on shifting from criticism and control toward respect, appreciation, and partnership.
Here’s the gist:
Core Premise
- Many women (often unknowingly) relate to men in a way that disempowers them — by criticizing, micromanaging, or holding contempt — which in turn blocks intimacy, trust, and love.
- When women understand men’s needs, instincts, and emotional wiring, they can communicate in ways that bring out men’s best qualities.
- This is not about submission; it’s about partnership — both giving and receiving from a place of dignity.
Key Ideas
- Stop “killing” the King
- “Killing” refers to subtle ways women diminish men — sarcasm, correcting, shaming, or implying they’re inadequate.
- The Queen’s Code is about treating men like kings: respecting their masculinity, trusting their competence, and appreciating their efforts.
- Speak to men in the “language of heroes”
- Men respond best to direct requests, clear appreciation, and acknowledgment of their intentions, not just their actions.
- Replace vague hints or complaints with specific, positive requests.
- Understanding men’s instincts
- Armstrong outlines how men’s behaviors often come from primal drives — providing, protecting, procreating — and how these differ from women’s instinctive priorities.
- Recognizing these instincts helps avoid taking certain behaviors personally.
- Honor your own Queen
- The book also calls on women to value themselves — to set boundaries, care for their needs, and stop over-giving out of resentment or martyrdom.
- When a woman lives in her “Queen” energy, she naturally inspires loyalty and devotion.
- Gratitude and admiration as fuel
- Men thrive when they feel admired for who they are and what they contribute.
- Appreciation is not manipulation — it’s genuine recognition that fosters mutual respect.
Key Idea 1:
- Yes, I experienced this and had a hero clash in my relationship as both showed up for each other, so they both yearned to be a hero for each other, and I personally have issues with the king archetype as I can’t constantly provide, and I get more emporer type of situations, were I am already healthy as a king mostly, yet
Key Idea 2: Yes, the sublte appreciation of ones and each others key strength, purpose and what makes the person special is something many women crave, and even men, I am of the same boat that young women don’t really know how to do this, as they are pampered with attention from online plattforms from horny men.
Key Idea 3: If you ever make yourself a female profile (I did once) and check how men write to you, you’d see how important it is to value yourself and the issue of narccicism of being a queen and the tyranny of being a king imo, I had a better integration of being a queen as I could appreciate myself more, and performative issues showed up
To be a bit more critical many men are mocked nowadays for their abillities, especially if they are not fully mature and the LR or UR behaviour of men is what is sort of the most gender typical critiques I see if there is not even an awarness of social gender as a construct and the covert competition that can occure at green etc. Were the independent developmental process is not honored and narccicism is an issue, some just really want all of the b.s. and what I notice from hoe math, the level of effort a teal/TIER 2 person has to make in order to be with green is lunacy, especially if problems and shadows are present if if the person has the capacity or you give them the benefit of the doubt, the risk is life style and UL/UR/LL/LR occurences change dramatically if you hit teal, the level of isolation and best fit functionality and the whole spectrum of playing with all lines in dating.
Keith Witts course is good to give a level of grounding, of what a relationship from an integral perspective can be like. Here is to your success with this! I am also in the process! I found more layers that I can work on, and I don’t simply yearn to get family, and reproduce, for me that is a very darwinistic type of relationship without any spiritual dimension that was horrible, even if art is included that was not enough for my relationship and just all the issues that can arise with children etc. She wanted 5 children I am an only child like wtf, but this was also very synchronistic to my healing process. May this give you what you need right now.
The best thing you can do is to provide a safe container for mutal growth, to grow through the stages and see if it pans out or translate the span of it while respecting the depth and protecting it, some are just not interested and rather crave career, family or children without developing through the stages and that is fine.