Hi @Julia248, I just love your inquiry and appreciate you communicating about it! And thank you for the supportive words about my book, I’ll definitely let you know when there is some news about that.
Here are a few thoughts in response to what you wrote. Again, written on the fly, so I hope I will be clear.
When I used the word “tensile,” I didn’t mean that it causes tension. To the contrary, it’s very, very relaxing. I didn’t realize that was jargon until I saw how you took it. Tensile in this context means that it’s not mushy…it’s a kind of engaged and alive and supported feeling, like a hammock slung between supports instead of slack on the ground. It’s actually the medium of aliveness itself (that is a phrase from a dream teacher, Robert Bosnak, but it fits well here). It’s a life force in the body, and like you say it has a solidity and a freedom. I can tell from your descriptions that you’re feeling something real! And it seems to correlate with the healthy organism that I feel too – what I previously called the fluid body.
When you say “I know it’s imaginary but I can also feel it.” That word imaginary is tricky. Do you think you might mean “imaginal”? In other words, it’s a precise and accurate dimension that underlies the physical but is invisible to the “ordinary” eye?
My favorite part of what you shared is the discussion around anxiety and grounding in the body. This is something I talk about a lot with my clients and students. (And your friend is very wise because it’s fairly unusual to come to this insight.) Many people talk about grounding as confining oneself within the head or the body…But you’ll find that when you come deeply into the core of the body, it simultaneously allows you to go out to infinity. Not in some woo-woo way, but just in a very practical, straightforward way.
And then as you say, if your consciousness is sufficiently wide, “it’s an awareness of the whole awareness…not just being contained in yourself.” And since you’re relaxing into a much wider, transpersonal awareness, then the anxiety that was confined within the narrow structure of the body, can be held in a vast container, so it disperses and isn’t experienced so intensely. And actually, the degree of surrender required to let go into the wider container, means that you’re contacting something beyond the personal mind, something wise and free and healthy and whole, and so it also harmonizes the anxiety and you’ll tend to feel much better.
Please ask for clarification and continue to share your personal experience, I really appreciate hearing from you.