I have being doing a crash course on Narcissism lately on the advice of a counselor.
One of the things I hear is that “the narcissist doesn’t see, believe or even care about the narcissism. It’s impossible to get them to see, embrace and change, so the choice is to live with it’s detruction forever, or leave.”
3-2-1 Shadow work and putting my beliefs against various matrices has shown me things in and of myself I hadn’t seen before and have grown (mostly) beyond.
Do you think this would work for vulnerable narcissists?
Thanks in advance for the discussion…
“the narcissist doesn’t see, believe or even care about the narcissism. It’s impossible to get them to see, embrace and change, so the choice is to live with it’s detruction forever, or leave.”
That comment seems flawed, someone could say I am one. Change requires skill that could be found in ILP. Specifically with mindfulness, I guess that´s why you are here, heard there´s healthy narcissism, haven´t looked much into it.
Also vulnerability is unavoidable and could be a sign of admireable empathy.
To get a narcissist clear and possibly actionable on their narcissim is to point out OBJECTIVE facts of their behavior. Emotional responses merely feed their need for supply. My wife is a subtype labeled “vulnerable narcissist” which presents as “I’ll be terrible to you to make sure that when you leave, I can point to my behaviors rather than my self worth.” When I got clear that helping her original pain and fear of abandonment was NEVER going to happen from my efforts, I said “this is what I see in X situations. It’s unacceptable. You can continue this as long as you like, but for my own health, I am leaving this.” That gave her space to choose from choices that were objective and logical. And like an alcholic, when when gets scared, she looks again at “the narcissistic bottle,” so far she’s been up to the task. The idea is to get them to put their narcissim on Wilber’s objective matrices to see if it really does serve them best, which short term is yes, long term is not.