Women's community and Self-actualization




(Sorry if my english sounds weird, I am french)

I have been going deep into self-actualization for 2 years now. Stuck in spiral dynamic’s stage green, I have been able to move slowly into yellow, and it has been a true liberation for me. But at the same time, I feel often very frustrated and even depressed, because I have a lot of limiting belief, particularly about my gender.

I see clearly in my mind the belief that I can’t become truly wise, or never as wise as a man. I know intellectually that this is not true, and I tried a lot of things to fix that problem (psychotherapy, stop identifying to my gender, practice self-love, rationalize, reading stuff about this issue…) but it looks like it is not that easy to get rid of this.

This makes me suffer a lot to be honest, and the worst of it is that I can clearly see that it prevents me to truly involve myself in my quest for wisdom (which is the most important thing for me right now). There is, always, this little voice saying that I will never be enough.

In the end and after a lot of thinking, what I would need the most is a women’s community who are trying just like me to self-actualize and love all this integral stuff. Does that exist somewhere?

Thank you very much!


I actually recently released a video on my youtube channel about porn addiction recovery for men about how it is in the social that our most deeply-held patterns are exposed. We can do all the inner development we want, but at a certain point we just have to go out into the world and exercise that inner growth. We often find that despite this growth our old patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting reemerge. The only way further is to continue putting ourselves out there and allowing that inner growth to become actualized in outer growth.

For yourself, you’ve clearly done a lot of inner growth already, but how much outer growth have you really done? Maybe what you need is to start engaging with people and exercising the wisdom you have cultivated. Gain reference experiences of you being wise and you’ll begin to see yourself as someone who not only is wise, but can become more wise. At that point you’ve cleared the way for more inner growth that will of course also need to be actualized in outer growth.

Edit - just thought it might be better to use Integral lingo. By outer growth I guess I mean intersubjecive growth in the lower left quadrant? How are you able to enact inner growth in various subcultures you find yourself in?


When the thought comes to mind that you cannot be as wise as a man, start by remembering you don’t have to believe everything you think. That then releases you to treat the thought as an object that can be the subject of your enquiring wisdom. As you play around with the thought, you may come to realise that this thought is actually an example of part of what makes up the culture that you were brought up in, rather than it being an eternal truth.You can then choose what you you want to do with that thought. Go with it as a guiding principle? You may find that personally limiting. Treat it as an invitation to walk along the path of discovering the immense wisdom that lies within you? Perhaps that’s more in line with your values.


I gained some insights about women - being a man - and this is my conclusion: I will never be able to understand woman fully, otherwise I would be a woman!
So here is your advantage, you can do things that no man can do ^^…