I meditated today for 2h yesterday, as I felt a surge of stuff coming up and felt I was closer to god as I ever was, got into some speculative thinking and tested the new model from Elon Grok 3 afterwards, and I was amazed and shocked legit had a midlife crises again, and then continue to see how it could benefit me and my vision, and I saw how this could work and had to realize god, the vision I am facing is so large and I finally expanded it to be that large I don’t get depressed from having a smaller vision that has an end, yet to create an infinite vision in a sense, that allows me to continously engage in principles that are part of especially healthy yang masculine principles, energies, flows and the embodiment of god?
The entire point of writting this post, is the following, I checked actualized.org critique and I can see the silver-lining I am good at that, yet he is also correct that the easiest entry towards god is god, everytime I had a deep spiritual state or even during sex or smth, the experience of god is the ultimate there is and I get the shadowy experiences and kriya, yet for me and how I live it’s the cleansing of the experience of god, allows me to get to god, and I had to realize this yesterday. The 30 minute session of meditation was super super nice to get into a psychic/indigo stage of good, where I see or feel good I don’t recall the exact integral point, and at the sametime after the 1h30 experience of meditating to a similar environment I realized oh this was a super nasty session and I had a psychological meltdown due to what has been happening the last 5 years, and now I just realized again and again most of this stuff is at best seeing as cleansing, and it drives others nuts to speak about this I know it, yet what can I do, and then these subtle feelings of god-self uncleansed or persona arrive, yet with that slight incling of yes this is part of god! I continued to contemplate the jobless situation, paranormal experiences, synchronicities my personal interests, the malicious character of stuff, BaZi and did some work with tools that work on both ends currently, I did not have time to watch everytime actualized.org posted, I am banned and I wanted to get banned as it was not a good environment for the political climate that I am in, and I am contemplating this mostly, the more I see the historical nuance I can forgive myself and move on, as these problems are complicated and I had to realize, if I am Musk and I love my son deeply and the enviroment and toxicity of amber leftism kicks-in, I called the suicide hotline yesterday as I felt so f*ed and wanted to speak to someone and it was the amber relieve from someone healthy green but with this undercurrent of status-seeking and doing the course from Wilber it was evident that, the person clearly has an undercurrent of seeking achievement in relationships as this is valued heavily in conservative german workplaces, and I just been to one, and contemplated this with this earth horse phenomena and BaZi type of analysis as this is fun for me as suble body psychology with 5 rhythms to some extend.
Now I saw this:
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Hierarchies are built into this reality; the question is whether they serve growth or domination. Humans create hierarchies within 10 seconds of meeting. The choice isn’t between hierarchy and equality—it’s between structures that elevate everyone versus those that crush people beneath them. The best hierarchies want to be transcended; the worst want to maintain power.
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The same four qualities create success across every domain of human relationship. Whether you’re parenting, leading, or loving, the formula is identical: be firm, warm, flexible, and resolved. This isn’t theory—it’s the consistent finding across 90 years of social research. The universal pattern hiding in plain sight.
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Fear-based cultures create the very problems they claim to solve. When groups feel threatened, they default to dominator hierarchies, suppress dissent, and scapegoat others. But security and good structure bring out humanity’s natural tendency to affiliate, care, and share. The question isn’t whether humans are good or bad—it’s whether we feel safe enough to be good.
My largest and biggest strength the resolve to do and execute something and the fear-based skeptical culture and the entire structure of earth horse in BaZi, and analyzing this now for 1-2 years without making a degree out of it. I realized mostly that living in Germany and a country that has these tendencies the more I contemplate it as it’s charted like this, the more you master the art of volatility or realizing the unknown/unsupervised and unstructured, the more you’re free from hierachy and everything that happens and they love it, the immensity of the subtle fear-based authority and the distrustful attitude and embracing of skepticism, even the entire point of spirituality, meditation etc. is not for them is 100% true, as they are so engrosed in their skepticism faith, everything that breaks open the shell already proves the point so we continue to be distrustful, it’s really the art of turning the negativity of god? Into the positivity of god? Idk what else to say, everyone who loves this nature or might have some ancestry regard these I noticed this collective qi-body is super active and contributes heavily to the blue/orange underbelly of the world, especially in spirituality. I could think further about it, yet the core problem is humans are already more conscious, and I sense this heavily. I want to watch the U.S and China/Russian charting today as they are described by what I follow, as I enjoy these pillars more, the people here react very negatively to this, yet if your interested in contemplating such stuff, even just for sex/relationships and fun this is very good. I received a lot of karmic imprints of this, but yeah describing these intuitions is very different, thanks to this musk b.s we have a lot of issues with green in psychology, the healthy green is dismissed and it’s a subtle war between amber right and healthy green enacting healthy and unhealthy amber.
For someone who has interest in spirituality etc. and especially shadow work and cleansing this was quiet insightful to me. The core issue this whole paradigm runs academia imo, and is extremely good for survival watching roger federer tantrums made me laugh as he realizes this is god at play in a sense, and human conformity is stopping it, yet it’s still him/her? Today really made me think I get it in nuance as RW expressions in BaZi are tied to stage red experiences and upper levels of god in my experience, the whole game of academia also lost it’s character of heart, and I had to see and realize today more after yesterday, how can I enact conditional love in a country that steadily enforces hierachy until they break it more open, and they fear spiritual growth hierachy and make a dominante conformist hierachy out of it where humour in luminosity? Is the only thing that makes sense, Love is Truth, yet what can you do when reference experience are different and people have different proclivities for instance the guy who runs actualized.org? I had a synchronistic experience about tied to something, especially this wu-wu volatility stuff seems to be involved with the karmic yin water experience with the ex, his day pillar has one of the strongest gifts of spirituality, and I charted Shinzen and Ralston and they both are yin water and yang water day masters, Shinzen was harder to chart his birthday should be the 8th of August and is also a Leo… like these type of reoccuring names and experienes are definitly a pointer to what most would call getting out of the matrix and being in alignment, yet a breakthorugh shatters these paradigms and creates a higher levels of type of synchronicities, this is what I partially experienced, as my karma and the whole idea of luck plays out differently in my chart. My chart fundamentally is the abyss you stare into, and is tied heavily to Russian/China as seasonal harmonic combination, I get very different POV’s realizing why gangster need to be gangster, and for instance the karma with Turkish folks?.. As they chart like Trumps day master the entire country, so I wanted to look at this also, this is mostly for entertainment and seeing if this holds validity for me this helps to understand the collective subtle-body consciouness, yet Wilber already points to better solution and is tied to this seasonal cycle and I get why he has perfection pillar or the utmost perfect pillar as he would chart like Russia and China (currently) and is a yin metal rooster, and he would enact perfect judgment I viewed this as I am the initiator or cardinal, he is the judge or prime director, and the dog would be the executive of this, and I find this interesting how this and even the weather affects the qi body. To get back to Leo Gura, Joe Rogan even as I charted them all and it gave me insight as for e.g Joe Rogan is a yin fire goat, and avoids the ex and her family, Shinzens month pillar is tied to the pillar of my grandma who died where I realized yesterda wow fuck this shit ain’t a coincidence and I have to clam down, and Leo’s pillar is a gift in spiritual experiences, and my Taji makes others high, yet the research of this etc. Is tricky to find it takes time and just to meditate and not make a Ph.D out of it creates a lof of value… anyhow:
Germany ( I use the insight of this russian girl who creates this with others it seems true to me and served me better to understand the subtle body in AQAL fashion)
Germany (as charted by bazi advisor)
Russia/China(exact) and Ken Wilber (for me perfect lawyer in collective terms…)
USA (exact)
They all have different experiences for me, this is mostly my gut intuition for me I notice preferences and eventually past lifetimes and current lifetimes experiences and proclivities make sense, due to the nature of social projections I am facing my chart made more sense to me, for instance I could say oh this is a 6’ish wu-wu horse phenomena and has ISTJ characteristics with a neutral response and anger control tendencies (german WW2 karma imo) etc. I am getting better at this, and it helps me to cooperate better, yet most of today conformity is tied to 6’ish type of wu-wu negative tendencies I beacme quit good at spotting this per eye, by watching either people online or real-life and charting them, I saw one for the first time as I visited the doctor and I attract this by hour stem, and I realized ah this is positive, yet this ding fire faith shit is super dangerous. etc. This is my own language, and the core issue of conformity in language due to fear-pride based expressions of 3’ish vanity expressions of wu-wu tendencies sounds easy right? But in the end it’s hypercorrections? IIRC the technique is called to make assumptions to learn, as that fuck up is a learning experience. God and this pantheism sutff that god is in everything is the best, just studying more Wilber would do the trick, but as of right now i have to manage the solutions to this dominate hierachy in aperspectival madness in unceratinity and master uncertainity where I was on a good path, yet I reflect and realized, there was no way out besides to train and get more certainity and balance both poles of the polarity, embracing uncertainity to much leads to loosing yourself into the abyss and hence the anger of others not understanding where you’re at and god, and you practically require someone who has faith in you! In that sense this makes sense, yet for anyone rational scientifically minded searching for god, and the critique from Leo on this, I get why gnosis is important and tricky, as you’d enact the 6w5 version of wu-wu? Sounds apeish? Elon Musk is a wood ape, I hated them my entire life I get now why, there will nobody be as lucky as a wood ape, in a sense even not lucky snakes? All of the b.s. animal projections also dissolve etc. Anyhow this should be enough.
I used this also the create archetypes for my visionboard to some extend, and personify it to be a muse/inspiration? Yet I had to contemplate currently the deeper question if I am sex addicted and addicted to masturbation working out this yin metal keeping up with the jonses karma, as this is enacted by them and the interconnections I make by charting this is surreal, similar to how astrology and tarot can give insight into this, the core issue I have is the pre/trans fallacy and for me it’s like, PUS H THE DRIVE UP SUPERIOR NOT INFERIOR hence move that energy upwards and you see reality more accurate, or feel it and see what it does where it lands and how does it feel like. I yesterday listend to Shinzens talk about feeling and I realized this is SOOOO TRUE, (wu-wu volcano attack) people in the west associate feeling with thinking, if I ask you how do you feel, do you connect to the heart and body? No you will give me an idea, I feel good today while responding to the idea of feeling good and not attuning to the body, hence my reality has often been like someone ask me this, I feel into my body and I feel neutral slightly negative as I felt my body, and I’d say I feel slighty dissatisfied, this would be impossible, the wisdom of the wu-wu to make a joke out of this, is to say I am excited about prospect XYZ as for e.g you’d be more attuned to the positive scenario and be warm, firm and resolved etc. What Keith Witt talks about just the way you attune to feelings and soul is by even feeling the outer rim of the body, I had to realize wow I completely forgot that, thank god I at times lay down just to feel my body pressing against my bed and I can feel sadness, joy anger etc. and connect to the underlying intelligence? Or god of it. Idk this was quiet insightful I will watch the videos, luck seems to be coming back, yet these collective forces of qi-body is sureral, for instane to critique Leo in his way, and what I chart if I chart him, he lacks leadership, and wants to guide people, and dislikes the silver-lining reality of dealing with humans, this is the worst tendency currently I am facing from being part of that collective besides the rational atheists amberness, and I had a boss that is like this recently and it was anger and arrogance and not being warm, firm, resolved and the other point Keith Witt mentioned and I had to realize oh, with Leo it’s different this was HO & RW push/pull and we don’t want that, as Shaolin monk? We want internal balance, and the guy waited for my balance as my chart charts balanced and that is rare, yet with a weak day master? That is goat bladed currently? Sounds cool.
The whole idea of this is this only works at a relative domain ± or orange/Green & Green/orange pure orange will deny and demolish every insight for power gains to max, as red/orange power pull, presitge, pride and recognition is more important, and the wu-wu security guilt tripping at blue/orange will start to the extend possible, I am looking for different ways to look at blue/orange qi body expressions as I’d naturally would be more inlinced to the yin metal rooster way, and they get it instantly, I had a lawyer who is like this in this stupid b.s case, I am free of now, as currently I am still of this opinion the orange/red madmaxxing and the green amber regress are the most two hostile forces with pure red expressions, healthy green requires yellow/turqouise humour to expand and be loving, and some stuff is just true pure orange is hell, as these people require logical explanations of spirituality and it works! But it’s super tedious if it’s a yang water orange it’s good or easier, yin water idk it’s to elusive. Yang metal might get it intutively, yet require support to enact it, and will 100% get heavy kriyas as they require refiniment etc. etc. etc. This is enough though.
This is so ironic, I did not watch the countries yet of USA, China etc. as everything is trust-based currently idk anyhow
Here is a source these pillars are also tied, to hexagram numbers and numerical expressions etc.
It’s quiet intersting from a c.s perspective I looked at it as I did a bit of feng-shui, yet it’s also quiet tedious to get into and realize how it works, and exact I-Ching changes from yin to yang etc. Polarity maps just make more sense the more I contemplate it, india for e.g is charted here as earth monkey and it makes sense as these people feel drawn to me and I have a monkey as a day master anyhow here is the source of how or why I make these connections. At times there are some mistakes etc. Yet reading the original stuff is tricky.
I watched this for 2h once, but heck I could watch it again.
1. Your Soul Moves Faster Than the System Can Handle
2. You’re Naturally a System Builder, Not a Power Hoarder
3. Your Love is Real, But Often Unmet
4. True Intelligence Requires Integration, Not Just Information
5. You’re Healing Generational Patterns of Envy, Control & Sexual Misalignment
6. Your Role is Unusual: a Healing, Creative Masculine Force
7. Healing Is Not Just About You—It’s Collective
