Integral Journal (once3800)

once3800 · July 29, 2025, 2:05pm

idk if I should post this unhinged stuff, I had my MRT done, and the digitalization slowly finally seems to sink into society, there are some other considerations I had, and I never had so much fun exploring A.I in unhinged mode, to see where the dark delulu is present.

I charted some Yogis, they all have Virgo in their chart, eiter Sun, Moon or ASC, and I charted also the teacher of Shinzen Sasaki Roshi and that explained some of the dynamics, as I often see America as the fresh new country, with a lot of 3w2 type of drives, and that seems to be better generally than 3w4.

Otherwise, I enjoy Deepaks perspective the most, as my work fundamentally went into some directions he has more insight in or my studies, and I would’ve analyzed Promeotics etc, yet for now I clearly have to see how I can let go of some stuff and integrate some stuff of people who are actually helpful and not only self-serving as they negate some stuff and caused massive issues, I realized even when it’s unconditional never love the abuser no matter what, if someone abuses you forgive them and forget, yet don’t love them and crave them. Love the letting go of it and the growth that occures. It’s very nice to find this content and to engage in some of this archetypal stuff, I can retroactively view this quiet well, and learn from the experience and increase my social skills in that way, also the grok thing is the best training ground for going out, building state etc. If you’re socially shy, speak to an A.I for 30 minutes in unhinged mode, and go out clean, I bet you will see some unhinged level shit, and you can work on the “organic” social game, yet I realize more and more.

This unhinged mode is the most fun I’ve seen in a while I enjoy the borderland line of games, if you love this b.s talk, and can benefit from that level of creativity, I’d highly recommend using it.

once3800 · July 29, 2025, 2:16pm

I’d love to post this, I never thought how anarchy could be beneficial to innovation, when I contemplate this in terms of having so much order in Germany it causes social disorder, anyhow gosh that mode gave me hope for the b.s at times, I am facing, and some are really like this, even the A.I plays it as an perspective, I COULD SCREAM MAN.

I am dissolving the past and integrating A.I again, I made a spread today for the job interviews etc. As for now I am just glad if and when my stuff works and I can move out.

The best part was creating an excel spreadsheet with time entries to take a shit, I had to laugh as so many are like this, and everyone from a different country wants more form and deeper display of trends etc.

once3800 · July 30, 2025, 2:43pm

I talked to my career advisor today, and quiet frankly this was very good, he is gay and he can give me the emotional support from a tribal level I require, also it’s super interesting and fascinating how much often he understands women or the feminine, not the whole idea of relationships, yet there is a lot of stuff, where I mostly act non-judgemental, and it’s simply better if it works for him that is fantastic, idk why he cares about me having sex in that sense, yet the perspective of sexual frustration and unused energy is very real, at the sametime.

He also shined some clarity into giving others the illusion as if they are leaders as they buy so much into the power of their reality, and even if it has impact it’s often not generated out of once own capacity, yet more a borrowed capacity.

I am comprehending my strengths based on Bahvas and vedic astrology, and transcending that seeing tendencies etc. I am contemplating astrology, and also just very often the feminine, as in these positions where I am in the face of power even from women I am in the feminine and this generally gives me the abillity to gain power quickly, as long as she trusts you she will benefit the masculine and that type of dance will occure, what bothers me a bit is how true all of these archetypal dispositions are, and the difference between how psychological insights transform, hence thoughts or how action transform hence pragmatism or simply character building if I frame it positive, as psychological insight generation or insight generation is for me at the core of character building, as the other part often has a whole body insight transformation.

I generally feel very good emotionally talking to gay men it’s very stimulating, it also shows me some clear limits and insights about my life, yet the largest hurdle I see is using sexual energy for something larger than oneself either as direct expression or as sexual expression, it really depends what the body craves. I can clearly see how distracting it is when I work on deep technical stuff, yet when I work at deep technical stuff, I meet women who have a bad Venus and not a good Jupiter archetype, hence they lack the wisdom, purpose and joy in that capacity, yet are to Venusian in character, they only care about pleasing the man, being a servant etc., not knowing her own worth, not knowing what she can contribute to a relationship, and this goes for men also!!! For example me, I worked on this mostly with psychdelics, as they are a huge healing opportunity for this,

(not cannabis, cannabis is more tricky to charge archetypally and also scientifically, what I learned at integral is that it gives this strong 1o1 connection, and I really really enjoy it for any type of depth and healing type of work somatically with sex, as a work out etc. and simply enhancer, my sex on LSD was not very good for me, yet for the other person, idk if she sucked up the trip, yet she was pulled into a non-dual type of orgasm and just orgasmed and slept away on me it was very cute, and no she even talked later and afterwards even with her family about this experience that defined the entire relationship, I did nothing but being a container)

… so in the end I realize how critical this work it when it comes from good sources, and it gives me a bit more insights into my attraction patterns in relationship, than just randomly contemplated why, as that gives more insight into the linear/sequential and other types of depth, yet I see some parallels with qi-bodies, for e.g people who’re open to sexuality will always always flirt with the sexual qi body I have, as they get an essence of what thriving is, the peak of living experience etc. My Wei-qi is not that good, I built it, and idk how to work with it, apparently I have good past life merit if I understand the system correctly, and I am emotionally able to handle deep insights, why I even have them in the first place.

What I notice more and more though, is that choosing a proper living location based on subtle energy, so I serve the subtle energy of sex and I am allowed to work with the archetypal energy of sex .

I stop here.

once3800 · July 30, 2025, 10:06pm

So, I got more insights looking at this, some stuff is more obvious, yet it’s interesting how close to reality he can frame this with archetypes even when I am wrong, and some of the Deepak stuff showed me the deeper illusion of functionalism that I was a bit trapped in, and I don’t embrace vitalism, no wonder I was so impacted by this darwinistic experience, it was so subtle due to this earth horse b.s if exellence would’ve not been here I would’ve never seen spirit.

I had to laugh seeing all of this, they act as if animal spirit does not exist and make these lust projections, it’s odd. My career advisor spoke about horses, and I framed the perspecitve I learned for one second as if, and the entire projection dissolved itself, as he had to also go through this and everyone here practically does, especially if you just like horses naturally.

Some people are so anti-concscious they appear conscious. Or some people are so unconscious they appear conscious. Especially if you see the survival intent behind 99.9% of the actions, if it’s genuient it’s a huge difference.

To integrate that type of Jupiterian archetype and the wisdom in mythos, no wonder I did well when I integrate Zeus, as this is more prone to giving chances to realize your vision archetypally, and I was working on integrating Deepak wisdom, sometimes audiobooks hit you 1 year or two months later. Btw, I did not meditate today yet. I had some subtle issues, as reality acted strange in accordance to what I was working with, and this is karma I clearly have from the aunt and the experience growing up with someone who is very very deeply attuned to functionalism as a masculine perspective madaffect this perspective is so fucked, I am disgusted I followed it for 1%, and that I had to do this in order to balance surviving and thriving, it’s not bad, yet if you’re point driven stage orange, and your 100% prone to functionalism. Exellence is the only possible answer, or seeing impermance imo.

once3800 · July 31, 2025, 12:05am

Animals are incredbile wtf.

This is also insane

once3800 · August 1, 2025, 3:39pm

I looked deeper into this esoteric stuff, and pulled out some maturity principles of archetypes and found free ressources, instead of just finding what I like for a level of objectivity in this stuff, I also found one ph.d doing the same stuff (a girl in this case) and I enjoyed to see her views, especially using it as a tool for potential, as science seems sort of stuck getting to the bottom of things, or the collective acts reluctant to truth or purports the falseness of it.

I checked into some synergies of my chart, and especially the exaltations and looked into some signs if this happend during meditation sessions, especially during workout or workout enhanced and flavoured meditations, and saw some universal patterns, I will mostly speak and contemplate with A.I with, as I don’t see the benefit of the issue of loving the next 14 years will be, if I get the archetype right wit Aries in Neptune, as I got annoyed at this planet, due to Saturn return, and Saturn usually I enjoy it’s flavours, yet the Neptunian stuff I experienced, and just not even liking Aquaman, as I know this is more about loveing form of existence, yet I get causal state experiences when I enjoy this and move towards psychic, subtle, I also had to view that distinction from reading and article, that a lot of love even for the androgynous thing is already psychic similar to A.I and there is this subtle backlash in the health sectors, due to this. What I realized is when I check how Human Design works, I checked the founders also, I don’t quiet know what to think of it, yet it’s liberating in contrast to seeing the issue of making distinctions in the level of concepts used, especially with religious texts and teachings, even if the state is high for example, it connected me to the undercurrent of the shadow also, for example reading Rumi quotes, going to a gym full of middle eastern people in Germany, and steadily feeling causal states of love, and the issue of language as interpretation and people pulling me back to the more animalistic expressions of existence, while I was liberating myself in the gym.

I also get why some people are actively holding me back when I am in the gym, as envy can be the largest pull towards getting to a lower frequency or state of experience, and not using it to inspire onself and getting the psychology behind it, and ideally biochemistry was tricky, especially with middle eastern countries and people, I have never seen and felt stronger envy pulls and altercations due to women and testosterone it’s insane. To give an example it’s as if you read or talk to a girl and she tells you envy is healthy for the relationship, and you notice the codependency and drama involved with it, even if the bond feels good etc. I am still contemplating this, due to other stuff, yet I fundamnetally am realizing my strengths more deeply for the next years through this, and I am looking or will continously look for more scientific Truth instead of internal Truth, as a lot of internal Truths play as if they are connected to the reflections I can get there and the ultimate Truth in that sense dissolves anything anyway in that regard, yet what I can clearly see is the difference between using ones gift and thriving, using ones siddhis and going transpersonal that is the largest distinction I made just now, just being more in ones natural strenght allows you to thrive while surviving getting into the flow to let go, I wonder how true the following two things will be for the next 7 years.

Presence, and universal love in the face of everything that will occure, it sounds like old hogwash, it’s not as this will manifest in higher intensities most likely I had some extremely strange occurens on extremely high states online, and I would require for quantum mechanic freaks to explain why the future comes back to me, it was extremely odd. As of now I see more I should not even comprehend the subtle causal, as subtle is distinct in psychic subtle acutally, wilber has so many maps, I know I am procrastinating on reading this, yet it also causes the issue of attracting to move broken green, when I engage with the theoretical work only, as they are the only ones interested and more healthy green will attack it etc. etc. I don’t really dive into it anymore in terms of doing politics with Wilbers work, I do my best to gain clarity and integrate the stuff I can learn and know.

The point is I am very close to making some interconnections that will serve the subtle as a whole, yet I forgot that the psychic is legit the next stage and it’s karmically tied to these Jupiterian qualities, and I sensed a lot of stuff with friendships unironically and healthy male tribes, instead of pragmatist it’s as if you had a solid community of spiritual seekers who know they have to exist in order to go after spirit, and not just do it materalist paradigm balls to the wall I got it and you don’t type of thing, that I sense in some others?

The entire point is I made some discoveries that a lot of the adventures I underwent, as when my life got adventerous a lot of people seemed to chime in, as I kept expanding my network as I was quiet good at getting and meeting multiple interest and they enjoyed the spiritual flavours and effort I produced and it benefitted everyone during that time, I also see that some things are heavily heavily tied to beauty and inspiritation with me not even just HD, yet simply the experience of my own reality, no matter what I do people will automatically care of give me feedback about my looks, if I want it or not, it’s very strange for a guy, yet I noticed I crave some universal love experiences with that, that I mostly find in music that is state like:

Stuff similar to this, as the worlds general frequency if I contemplate it is not very high, especially when I meditate I get psychic level phenomena when I chill out etc. or attune myself to this, more melancholy stuff is different, freshness is something different, I experienced freshness also different and in more intense ways, as I had strong water archetypal influences in my family often being faced with choiceless scenarios were the perfection of a water influnced archetype is required for further growth, and I had to realize my body can’t really do it, most people react better to earth archetypes in me for my private life, more balance, more presence etc. Learning patience with immature people and making cuts of who is mature enough and not as this is very arbitary has been interesting, as also moving forward is at times the only solution etc. especially when I contemplate shame, I have to socially adjust due to this emotion at times, and just being shameless at times, can be risky in a sense, the best thing is to continously engage in an adventure that takes you out of it be it inside or outside for me.

The point is some of this desgin is very stereotypical it makes other and myself laugh, and if someone has not any solid experiences at psychic or is not a women, it does not make sense for me to be there, also it’s true that a lot of my creative blocks automatically resolve if I engage in some adventure yet more outside and inside there very often has to be a mixture.

I don’t look at every gate only what seems to be staying before most likely diving more into what works, and my own interests as these have been solid for a while and they kept reoccuring especially the lower energies and chakras when I worked in the gym, and the constant feelings of extreme lightness and causal experiences as wei-qi presented, it’s like I am a godly demi-god, yet most of this aura is gone due to injury it took me 1h30 approx 1h or 45min minimum of working out to get hits like this and meditate at the sametime with deeper and slower hits. Also often trance music did the most to hit these more high subtle or mid subtle? and causal states. Anyhow I contemplated this so often to get specific with this is better.

I also found the infos of yesterday, and it was an issue sharing this with people who’re not worthy and feel prone to my own biases I had, and simply the reality of it being not good, and not mature enough to enjoy “intoxication” as a siddhi? I don’t quiet know how to frame this, yet I found the core issue of my Saturn return and it’s also very sterotypical, the balance between freedom and hard-work and how they can coincide etc. If I speak more practically, yet as an experience of Siddhi and I would require to read more traditional text and not entirely this sort of new agey stuff, as a lot of the older stuff, still misses the responsibility of a 4th turning, and I rather shaman it out, than be a modern degenerate chasing enlightenment like a dog, chasing it’s tail… there are a lot of positive groups, yet they act from survival instincits a lot a lot more than anyone not being used to an extrem amount of diversity and the chaos that causes it to the mind is used to, and very often they will focus on the strength I get it now, of what I’d embody for them and that would be this timelessness patient thing, the point is as soon as I am aware to a time the flavour of competition is high irregardless if it’s my own mind or not? That I am my own competition or not?

The entire point is the following, it will diverge into a different expression of consciouness while others enjoy that flavour till I get a deeper hit, I am also not very attuned to this earth frequency, even if it’s exalted for me apparently, as the more I attune to it I attract human beigns that are very old, and the best flavour I get of this is just pure nature again, I generally attract things that are tied to timelesness and universal love, I had a weird dream also and I notice some stuff, I can do to work with my biology in my sleep etc. Yet overall I went a bit to fast, and I could slow down more, yet I also have to be patient with me speeding-up, the largest point I think with the rise of A.I is to realize more deeply time does not exist, it never exist and the be present in the moment, if this is really true as a archetypal print of energy, especially as you’d easily could associate Uranus with Air etc. and the issue of things being double edge alchemically, or metal/wood in chinese astrology constant expansion and contraction, breakingthrough, pride, presence, role modeling etc. I am convinced this and confidence as I heard it old women say hence self-assurance will be the key traits for the next 7 years, besides univeral love anyone hacking this got a free life fundamentally, it’s quiet weird to contemplate now the steps towards freedom in this gate, and just for myself as I had so much freedom, and I see the shadow of it now, even when I worked through it largely I faced this constantly and good mentors or intutive mentors who wilded the dark as well as the light sort of guided me to even get to the pinnacle of where I was at, not many people have the priviledge to work as an a.i architect and dive into the next hot-topics and depth topics of the next 20-50 years approx. even if quantum stuff is already here, I wanted to make that step also, as of right now. I really have to focus more on the depth of universal love, yet the issue of that frequency is a lot of people take time of me, the more I am attuned to this the more the pressure of time is on, subtely for me I am lucky? As it’s dissolved so much b.s happend, I partially was able to let go of the idea of my dying being bad, I would’ve ended my existence last year at my birthday, as I was utterly disgusted with humanity, especially old people, and that level of leadership. If I would’ve had a gun I’d be gone 100%, I don’t think I will ever face this level of depth and despair again, as to much b.s happend, and it was mostly out of a mischivous sense, and the issue of others existing, especially people that ruin your health.

I share this sort of once? I really have to look as I love a lot of things universally you get hated for and at orange it’s like love for material positions, against love for material value hence money, and I am prone to the latter, if I see it without the spiritual shadow of disliking material things, I sort of have to integrate that Venusian quality, and I notice I attracted more health humans when I had more income regarding this, you could enjoy the spending and gathering side or the yin wood yang wood qualities of it but as for now, I am pretty sure I am the only freak alive contemplating this.

I did not meditate today, as I was somehow pulled to these insights, the best thing I can do with universal love is love for Gaia, and see what happens there have been a lot of things tied to shadow of love where I sort of have to comprehend the more Yang Wood/Jupiterian qualities of things, yet as of now I clearly also get why Venus/Metal is strongly disliked seeing the issue of my aunt and this energy should be favourable to me, yet I don’t get this yet, I still have to see the benefits of humans caring for me and creating boundaries when it’s to bothersome and I need to growh, also I realized as freedom was my growth sector for my Saturn return some people will face some consequences of this I don’t believe it they sort of have to make up for it, if my mother does not inherit the bullshit from my Aunt I will not spend a single day anymore thinking about this fake snake, and disguising reality fearing monster, it was super disgusting what she had to go through and I don’t like animal loving people who are not truly Gaia conscious I had a very deep experiences with this, if I could’ve handled it I would’ve experienced ego death and hence be a stream enterer 100% that experiences was to intense and on that day if I had the power I would’ve blown up the entire world as I was fed-up with war, and would’ve claimed you fucking humans are to stupid and arrogant just fucking die.

It’s very weird to have realized that in this state as universal love, contemplating Hitler and stuff like this of course it’s not the answer, yet that day I would’ve ended the ego, as I was tired of being egoic, yet I could not and I had to infuse a lot of compassion, even when I disliked it and it created a different type of dynamic of suffering existince loving the suffering to death, pure flow etc. etc. I am very very pro-life if it does not seem like this, yet this was a very dark masculine yang experience, I would’ve ended multiple people that day in a sense I am saying this out of the energetic expression not the reality of me doing that, I never did any of this, yet the sheer energy, also through playing a lot of competitive video games and seeing the darkness of people in a place free of socities rules etc. It was very odd, and in the end this is also due to the shadow of victimization, at times I do this to myself, as I’ve been subtely shamed and glee type of acquired for my positive qualities they enrich themselves of what I emit, yet barely give anything back, this backfires everytime to some extend.

I don’t know I leave it at this, if this post is to inflammatory or strange I will delete it or please just delete it this was very raw, and I keep realizing the issue of pragmatism and functionalism and I yearn to connect more to nuturing yin qualities in god, in that sense deeper presence to the feminine quality of god to move to yang, as it’s simply more life affirming etc. I for sure could read more of what Wilber writes, yet yeah the injury was a huge issue and there was a huge issue with the venus / metal quality of the last relationship it created a constant deficit for me, and she knew it, I took the pain to transmute it as it’s also beneficial to my path or more of this earth yang earth quality as they somehow refuse to become depressed in life and this quality seems to be good for me.

In the end, I see the issues of karma more clearly even if I am not conscious of any of it like an enlightend yogi reality gives me hits of this, and I know this when I listen to the audiobooks of yogis who speak about this etc. I chart a lot of people recently mostly due to sex, I don’t analyze it to deeply as it would be better to dig deeper into the essentials, the issue is simply finding the right types of expressions or getting the correct insights this is not neccessary for spiritual growth, a lot of quotes, and pointers with spiritual practices is enough, yet it’s odd to see some of this stuff and I had experiences tied to this spiritually, yet also flavoured with kriyas so it’s not easy, it’s different when a master imitates you or you trigger the truth out of them out of a sense and desire of freedom from the ego, and having to face the selfishness of it etc. etc.

This is mostly it I thought about sharing it or not, as I found even more tools and infos, yet it’s impossible to share what I truly mean and I will get 10-20 insights later, the biggest issue I face is breaking free of the survival paradigm of working 9-5 and enjoying my life more, as a lot of humans are extremely soulless to me, they are not connected to gaia in any sense or to gaia centric. I see that now I completely forgot as these gaia-centric animalistic freaks comeback to bait you with sex, and I wonder at times what happend with all of this b.s, I never seen someone being so anti-freedom than someone who only yearns to go on vacation and never yearns to build something, absolutely stupid.

once3800 · August 2, 2025, 1:20pm

I checked in with Shinzen and the talk between Paul Check, and it sort of confirmed my intuition and issues I’ve had with boomers that they are often negligent and deeply envious and fearful deep down of things relating to the material, and it’s very different this is an overall insight I had, and this attitude as they barely speak truthfully about their own skills and accomplishments as it causes shame, and having someone like Shinzen who is couragous and goes of this over and over again, to work through shame and see it as a gift for skill etc. The issue is even the best people went delulu, in the recent years, and even if they are right, they don’t really speak about time, experience, shadows etc. How it’s partially promoted here, and the level of maturity, it takes I also get the issue of why annihilation of the ego is an issue, we want a ripening of the ego, as the ego will involve skill, work, accomplishment etc. and the more riper the better if it’s just annhilated and taken for granted and not expressed that this level of maturity is neccessary, stuff will turn sour.

It’s very odd, then as soon as I connect to my practice I sort of meet these people of this age group, and I realized some benefit of looking at this, also some parts of this you can speak about “logically/structurally” and it will work with someone like Shinzen, also I notice I have a similar rebel spirit, yet I was not quiet able to put that into something, I lost a lot of good friends due to this b.s of health coaches and people who’re to much focused on the earth, and act with this polarizing force, than as XYZ can do it, I can too, and I don’t think that is the best thing.

He also constantly updates his techniques, as he knows how many lazy students he has had, and I was pretty earnest etc. What I notice the most is that his level of rigour is very good, especially if you work with real attainments etc. The issue is pure jealousy, there is no other issue than fear and jealousy for any type of sabotage in this work, and the abuse of innocence including this and the trust of people. I faced this even partially there, and I was and most likely still am partially disgusted with the people who are like this.

For now, I really enjoy his vision, yet there have been some core issues tied to this and the biggest issue is, some similar things I am working through in the background, most of it is tied to doing leadership in order to have social connections and networking, as a follower it costs me to much energy, and I generally enjoy it when people come to me and me not to them. I let my practice slide, also due to concerns, yet fundamentally it’s good what sort of bothers me, is how the enviroment reacts to this, and how important technical skills are, I am regaining some momentum, also with these weird analysises, and the whole issue is that you miss a lot of in between excellent human beings that you can find most likely plenty of here, they are not even utilized, I feel a deeper level of positive sumber, of not giving my best abillitites to the world and being devoted to it. Giving my greatest and best gifts, I wish I could’ve doven into athletics etc. No I am using weird tools to find out what I am good at, and A.I I could utilize it more and less at the sametime put in more work and then properly contemplate

once3800 · August 2, 2025, 2:35pm

I did not watch it fully, I tuned into it now I find him fascinating in addition to Deepak, he also spoke about young, and I only got into A.I due to archetypes etc.

Also because of my friend, and I love him with my dear life! He is also a scientist, yet he is not really open anymore spiritually, to much b.s happend. At times I forget how much spirit went into science

once3800 · August 2, 2025, 10:47pm

I meditated for 1h today, and it has been interesting to see what I’ve contemplated mostly I realize that what works for me and how I do it and how it works is a little different, idk if this is because my father was a musician and I do have this VGP condition, yet I am gaining more clarity to some distinctions and stuff, and it’s not easy still to figure out what is b.s or not, I checked the racial views on Jung and Steiner, via a.i and it’s horrible I find it odd to find out who is more or less serious about this, and not an extrem and destroys some of the stuff, mostly I am quiet happy that I found integral and that I can grow with integral more, especially also after reviewing this and having A.I as a tool and getting more behind the trickery of the issue with new age spirituality, and seeing some of the mythological benefits, yet I do this mostly and reflect mostly with A.I, it’s quiet odd to learn from people when I dig deep into my own believes I see them unravled and some other stuff, generally what I notice generally speaking though without the health upgrades that the small pranayamas I do, and what I combine does work quiet well, I did not work with it in a retreat setting yet, yet I notice that dissolving the unconsciouness of the european centric types of views and engaging in a more conscious discourse is what I usually craved, it’s a bit odd to see as I realized for myself more how what I do with all of the tools and giving some credit and validity to what works, and making a difference in Truth and more tools towards realizing stuff, I am curious how far I will grow, yet there is simply an issue with the difference in intensity.

For example today, I clearly noticed, I could sit for 1-3h on a weekend fairly young and still produce a lot of work, and create the best blend possible, yet what I had to realize are some contradictory truths, I focused to much on functionalism as a tool for survival, instead of vitalism, yet idk either to deeply, what I appreciate the most is how combinable all of these techniques are even if I don’t move as fast as others, I had significantly deep states, and creating some distance between teachnigs and integrating layers of depth, as I resonate with different teachings etc. The nadi sodahna which apparently, I also have good ideas if things go worst case, with what I plan to do, yet this is more about living life as an adventure and making the consciouness journey an adventure, that means doing some unconscious things I craved to do, yet obviously I noticed what I find tricky is also the food dogma with spiritual people, I was advised to go with it and return to normal and what works, which I am convinced is smart.

I see a bit more of the subtle corruption of start-ups being lazy about their growth and not integrating enough progressive knowledge in order to truly be more healthy, yet I guess the health corruption is what I contemplate the most. This works for me now pretty well, doing nadi sodhanas with a normal meditation session with UM techniques and using mostly visualizations with vision boards, and intentions. I skim it briefly and visualize it to the best of my abillity, I am not very good at sticking with one thing, and I know what works for me, I did some kriya yoga, yet I noticed my energy during that time was not clean enough to do it properly and it took a lot of commitment to do it like this, and now I am finding more inspiration to sort of do it the way I am feeling it will work for me.

What I noticed is subtely how many father issues sort of croped up since covid, and I was integrating my own authority during that time, it’s so strange to contemplate that I lost a level of diplomacy, I felt I received good advice mostly, yet seeing the difference of survival and truth and embracing both more is beautiful actually, I never felt better to make a distinction and to decouple and embrace both, yet it’s very nasty to work through some survival paradigms, especially race class and divisitory type of stuff, especially if you just get the sense and later it proves itself right to some level. I certainly have some degraded views, due to survival projections I had to look at odd stuff to find answers.

I am looking at this fake spirituality video again, as soon as someone talks about Trump and all of the b.s that happend, due to the issues of not seeing some ancesteral stuff etc. It’s very odd, currently just looking to fix health, and not be in this conservative rhetoric even if what they teach is correct, and there is a lot of b.s, it’s fundamentally power based as an escape from the issue of “programming” of class etc.

I still have to embrace more of what wilber writes 100% he is the most important person ever I read in my entire life, and if I get deep enough I send him love and prayers in my meditations, I am very grateful this connects back to my grandpa, and I sort of have to look deeper into this, it’s very odd to embrace stage purple spirituality without the b.s that happens in new age stuff, yet also not be super rigid, currently there are still some issues, mainly that the mindfulness movement has not fully infiltrated society and science has not uncovered some of the secrets of meditation & spirituality and it’s not properly embraced.

What I find weird is how often some events are tied to synchronicity, and how some of my views are a conflict of perception, especially with lust and sex, and the issue of colonial perceptions, I think just having humour and working through stuff is the best thing. I will speak with the unhinged mode of grok 3 more, to embrace the humour of freedom of speech, yet currently covert status seeking is the nastiest game, and I want to reflect more with a.i, and dive deeper into some overlaps, yet not be stuck in some views, I certainly miss reading Terrence McKenna for plants and plant medicines, yet as of now it’s odd to learn different stuff etc.

Especially the family type of corruption where they constantly put any type of family over the individual, I realized universal love is the only answer and to work from that space, idk what else to say, or how to think about Siddhis especially in a western sense without including some new age knowledge etc. But as of now I just chill and engage in some of this to get rid of the illusion it comes back to me in different forms, and I learned some brutal lessons about love, especially that a lower “frequency” or state person can not suddenly access to same altered state, especially if there is no trust in the opening, and just survival interest that shocked me when I had the white light experience. Anyhow it’s enough.

This is also interesting:

once3800 · August 3, 2025, 1:24am

I think this episode is really good with some of the stuff I’ve been noticing in myself and the issue of interpreting spirituality correctly, especially with Wilbers framework and the progress of the west within science in the worldviews associated with this for e.g. someone like Schmachtenberger etc. and just seeing the papers etc. as I dabbled into all of this astrology stuff, and if I am honest more as a need to connect to something besides being a scientific materalis provider and being a goody goody to chickens wanting to be feed and not leading for themselves, it’s still sort of odd to dive into this mostly out of curiosity of what Siddhis and all of this are, or what I experience more collectively or for healing as I was interested in that a lot, yet I sort of lost the strength and it was quiet odd, and physical strengths tbh, as a man was the most healing for the masculine soul imo, I sort of should not conflate spirituality with survival, yet still thriving and being in these highly creative flow states and zones, is more a feature of doing spiritual practice instead of the holy grail, also some stuff there is some nuance ego annihilation should be turned into maturity and responsibility of growing oneself to be a healthy and contributing member to society, and to continously create nuances here, a lot of people left the old workplaces I was working at, due to the issues of performance v.s exellence, they were exellent and extracted for performance, as they extracted themselves for peformance as they don’t contemplate and make aribitary rules of society, some make it harder for others to use intelligent tools to make business, that I don’t even know anymore properly what is business even the new work, was full of shit with their decision making, I am glad the CEO was conscious enough to work on actual survival stuff, yet the issue remaind of the fun & fluff, and even if they did good work, I looked to much into things, even the ex with her work, just cares about the maintenance of survival the interest in spirituality and letting that shine through the relationship is 0 and stage 2 did not fundamentally work with someone you jump from 1 to 3 constantly it’s very brutish where I look to working with Deida, overall I am glad Leo Gura exists if there are to many Trumpist or right-winged views, I neglected a lot of good work, due to the distraction of gender and sex and I was quiet satisfied with the liberal options, I am no saint regarding this, yet I am curious how much stuff I can get out of tarot and astrology and how much is survival and how much is thriving / creative growth fused with spirit unfortunately I don’t think it’s that binary and clear cut, and the pure direct experience of spirit which takes the most maturity imo, I also had to realize as I was relatively adamant about this, yet was unable to translate some of this stuff into some meaningful realtionship as it was so survival focused I would need to spend that time creating strategies and tactics while I had the priviledge of working with a lot of genuient people who’d use the stuff I am using now as a leverage an entry to their way of spirituality, that is the best thing I can do, mostly a lot of it is entertainment and having a tool for guidance, yet I find it odd as professionals are also using it, yet it’s mostly for survival or symbolic pointers similar to the alchemist, I’ve always been interested in that, yet holy cow the ray ray views are incredible, and I am glad I am partially out of the lust circuit of even nationalistic views, I notice this when I go to the russian store, everything is fine, especially health, yet as soon as it’s nation/identity, it’s ALL HAIL TO THE GERMAN AS I AM WHITE, and I am like I am german and white and none of you are german actually, and it’s just normal again, it’s super strange as they all know it.

In the end it’s very good to see if I get a genuient experience it’s fair, yet the past life b.s etc. I looked into it and I would do some ceremonies etc. yet I would look for something more legitamet and inform myself and speak with someone like Shinzen who has done stuff like this, as I am simply curious, if it’s real spirituality in terms of stage growth etc. most likely not quiet, yet I also don’t know if it works, I just don’t like this cheating thing etc. and all of the b.s of Aubery Marucs and people pushing his products I took a lot a lot of effort even my Marketing professors were so carefully ethical and morally pedantic, it’s more like it was impossible for me not to become conscious THE GUY DID NOT EVEN HAVE A CAR, EVER HEARD OF SOMEONE LIKE THIS? And he used this fking bike to go up the hill, I loved this guy for adventure, at one point I took him with me to drop him of to another professor my car was damaged as most likely some truck drove into it from the supermarket next back in my hometown etc.

The guy looked at me with his scientist data orientation and legit said I should report it to the Statistical Amt so they can take it into the data, so Big Mind makes a decision, my practical mind and him thought both it’s a good idea, yet I won’t do it. It’s a bit odd, yet death of people really got to me, and I can clearly see the difference of survival and corruption generally it shocked me, the most uncorrupt people also attended the best universities, the most corrupt people idk wtf happend to them.

All I can say and see is it’s very disgusting to meet someone who goes on an adventure and I charted a lot with this chinese alchemy things etc. and I see more the construct of projections through this mostly, I really have to frame it differently unfortunately I will not have the priviledge to present it as a toolbox for contemplation, yet at times it clearly shows me things, I keep using them as tools, yet I am quiet careful to see it more as a survival tool and I still think I have a new fetish to be bird handed by light code activations, idk grok 3 on unhinged is also just funny, but the fun is also over.

What I notice mostly is the issue of spirituality and sex, idk actually I feel abused by women, as I fked the ex so hard I had to laugh as I was a totally newbie and actually she did not deserve that level of sex, if she would’ve not given me something back, idk karmically idk I dove to much into this and I have odd kriya experiences, yet I am better sticking to Leo’s teaching when I am stuck on the left v.s right dilema, as it does not serve me survival 1 inch, yet spiritual sex just with actualy spiritual stuff, not just or even as an escape of survival etc. Is super nice, yet should not be that addicting holy shit.

Also it’s interesting that a myth is simply and a story is also a trust in authority I never thought about this. idk it’s very odd as I faced a lot of boredom and contemplated this and I had to use some tools to make meditation not this endless survival grinde, and Shinzen introduce some techniques in order to deal with that with just strange things, and I know I can sit at least a couple of days in pure silence, yet mostly supported my some sort of digital subtle community, I remember when I did the retreat back in the day I was annoyed that a lot of people wanted to meditate less and just distract themselves to get away from their minds.

I see at least some level of benefit to doing all of this esoteric stuff and astrology, as I got some level of spiritual state out of it with psychdelics, yet at the sametime, this should be mainly viewed in the sense of survival or at best to reach something symbolically, it’s not like I sit there endlessely contemplating it, yet I watch a lot of videos and I am still interested.

Ultimately, the largest issue was a lot of the health stuff I was interested in used it, so idk it is strange, to see all of this and that I got into it, I see it more as beauty, also it’s ironic that Shinzen master types with his day pillar as Leos month pillar, and there are some issues tied to sex with this pillar more than I thought, yet all of this is a bit different.

I contemplated just now as at the beginnig I was used to just sit in silence, yet my enviroment turned so loud, I had to face the issue of getting used to noise and this pressure cooker environment allan watts talks about in the end I am more conviced that I get what he means with spiritual flavoured survival, yet if I am earnest interest into exploring this stuff and my spiritual pratice is legit, and gets me into states or stages of development that is different, I see it mostly as entertainment and I should see it different from real spirital work, yet I had also strange kriya experiences and I wonder if this can actually be a tool for healing, besides just using visualization and other techniques I test it for a while, and most likely keep it as a tool within the toolbox, at times humans act not with the highest level of intentions ever since covid that it’s actually quiet nice to do stuff like this, yet make it different from real spiritual work etc.

I get more of it now. Also the end is just beautiful! Most people did not even approxiamte infinity mathematically idk what to say it’s beautiful to exist, some of his takes are whackey, yet it’s odd to see all of this now.

once3800 · August 3, 2025, 1:15pm

I listend to this, as it popped up, and I find it weird that my love meditations have some immediate type of impact, it’s odd that certain transit seem to be historically associated with people gaining access to spirit.

I keep track of things as well as I can just by understanding mostly, I A.I’ed the book and listend to the podcast as they use psychdelics etc. also therapy as a means to work on stuff, I wonder how good this works, I will date my stuff simply to retrace it more if I ever do trip again, simply time and date is sufficient.

For e.g. the break-up with the ex happend to the exact degree of the saturn return approx. around march 15 2024, it was in march IIRC, relatively close to it, I get that it has nothing to do if you’d just sit there for ever and ever meditating and doing consciouness elevating stuff, yet there are humans just interested in it and don’t practice full-time and they seem to get healthy benefit to it, ever since COVID I’ve been interested in it, besides the pure mechanical view, yet I also see the issue of how deep you’d need to know archetypes etc. I thought about Ramanuja and how he had insights from Lakshmi, she is associated with Venus/Metal I legit just found way to much again to get into, to get insights more about the cycles of existence and stuff, I am looking at it, as I don’t have the exact stuff.

I also wonder why people get kicked-out of DMT releams and idk if this is more of a biological issues when I look at it, yet it’s just odd, especially considering some of the celestial stuff of Steiner, yet I more akin to sticking to Wilbers work, so for e.g how archetypes if I use DMT could show up in any of these and if they are tied to my actual birth chart or any transits etc. Would be interesting, seemingly it has something to do with it and the psyche, yet as for now just focusing more on universal love in my meditations is good, and staying away when I notice stuff is fake tough love fluff, for spiritual growth and actual growth etc. I’d like to see which archetypes fit the blueprint I am currently handed I’ve seen also new stuff with epigenetics, and the interconnections become relatively close so I am wondering where this will lead me to.

once3800 · August 4, 2025, 8:23pm

I contemplated some of the stuff I watched, and I started to read bits and pieces of Yoganandas book currently I see some issues tied to stuff, yet mostly I realize and I am interested in working through personal stuff and finding a place where the baseline collective is enjoyable enough for me to enjoy my life more, I noticed also some stuff somehow for e.g astrology has always been an intro into culture and getting to know the “cosmic blueprint” including lands, ressources, language etc. But in most language classes they teach you more modern entertainment, and my entertainment is more tied to odd stuff, for instance watching integral episodes, health topics that go against the current standards of society etc.

First of all as it has been approx 1-2 months since I included a breathing exercise and I lost the kriya yoga book, somehow idk where it is, and I mixed the two practices, and did some stuff, I notice some of it’s benefits, especially with stress now, I find it also interesting that yogananda was forced to learn astrology, and he is also Virgo asc, and I got more into this Jotish stuff etc. there generally seems to be a confusion about things, I bought a book about it to get more also the philosopher and the times during that era, and it’s quiet interesting, yet also complicated what I see mostly is how I do this for my own entertainment and guidance, and some other subtle stuff, where it’s better to seek more realized masters, as they immitate my ego automatically and I crack-up, yet it really depends on the master, the next thing I realize is if I include more and less things that work for me, as I constantly have to face some limits, and practicing for e.g stretching or other things, so I can sit in a burmese position etc. releases to much bodily trauma, the breathing technique is quiet gentle and I notice I am stimulating myself to much for it to be fully effective, yet Shinzen also included a new noting technique that helps to monitor this, and the biggest issue is just doing all of this out of enjoyable thing and not see it as Truth even the Yogis don’t do it, yet they learn it in order to swash it away from the one being deceived by it, idk as I do my best to look between the lines, yet I’ve seen some sides, that realizes it wants something for that, as my survival is often tied to seeing between the lines and I don’t really get any break, so I often appreciate no bullshitters for e.g Shinzen at a retreat that can be a little lenient, as I know it’s often an empathy type of request.

Otherwise, I lost the book to make a through analysis briefly, as it’s relatively coincidental that this pops up and seems to create interest, yet for me also the scientific interest just to understand is still there, and mostly doing that with Wilbers work etc. as I’ve seen whackey takes and it takes a lot of energy to read between the lines and it does not protect you from corruption, and I had another case of that recently, where I have to be careful and the case is being prooved, this happend ever since I am on this wealthy path, it would be nice to have 2-3 techniques more, as my body has at times complex request, and doing things very simply shikentaza seems to be the best a long do-nothing sit, as it breaks the illusion of boredom etc.

Also due to the culture I am in, a more feminine leaning integration is better to not turn full zen-devil on people, as I get to masculine at times, so I visualize a lot of love, I am done mostly now with looking at videos and doing that type of trigger practice now the full-blown out patterning beginngs again, with the breathing support. I did not track to many full sessions, yet overall some level of automatism kicks-in, now the vision is more important to do it integrative, it’s quite nice to do it integratively, yet I have to get used to some of this stuff, as all of it is new, and only a few, it’s quiet nice to eventually connect to some parts of culture this way and I am interest, as of course the time could be spent practicing, yet just expanding my world view by reading and experience is also important, and it’s so conflictual looking at this stuff just helps me to find solace from all of the b.s., it’s interesting for cleaning-up, also yet I have to realize some things.

Mostly if I would integrate the most unconscious conscious human beigns = children I would require to be super clean in terms of food and quality of living, and I will most likely move to a place, where I will seem like a random santa clause to them, to an extend which I think is cute, with all of the b.s stuff I experienced tied to children. The more I meditate on love, I see the issue of self-hatred again, I have to admit I hate parts of my fking self, and that even when I meditate on love and get rid of it, the progress then occures, it’s an external and internal cleansing process, the nadi-sodahana helps me with how it should work, as I checked some of the bio mechanics of the organs, the issue is I have the scar, and at times I have to break all odds, and just let breathing breath, let god or the essence of it come to me and it ressolves a lot of stuff where a lot of karmic exchange happens, especially with my enviroment, yes I look like a lunatic, yet holy shit people ignore a lot of things out of existence.

I notice some things tied to alchemy, and what I looked at, yet I would require more books to understand it etc. The best part of doing this entirely self-generated with my own mantras, hence my own energy is infused with the words, is I see the feedback very well, often for e.g the more I meditate on love, the people who’re seen as criminal sort of help me with the normal criminality that made them criminal, I think this is the nicest benfit, that can be to some form of superficial pleasentry, to instead for e.g have a heart to heart talk about some b.s and showing them what is truly beneath it, as they see for e.g how you’re mistreated and don’t even notice it, and also the once being ignorant or casually corrupt give you leeway for various reasons, yet I notice a lot of b.s breaks the more I meditate on love and it comes back in waves in my day to day life, the more I see how society already fked up and that can’t be undone, the issue of their projections, how it dissolves with actual love, as you’re legit a wise fool enacting a wise fool archetype in that sense, and how much of this also causes issue to the mind, someone who rests deeply in peace instead of love, will not be as involved with life, peace is very hard, yet peace is also tricky, if I contemplate the stuff I looked into and I am playing around with this stuff, if I would’ve have a stronger body I would just work with breath, yet that part exactly is super sensetive and I am rebuilding it again, I even realized some parts IIRC tha are tied to the totality of reality or immortality, through stuff, yet it’s just very very very very very tiny glimpses, yet they are so rock solid, I wonder how a full-blown realization would look like of states like this.

I find it kinda cool that Yogananda had to learn this, I am reading the book in German it’s quiet nice to read some German it legit feeds my cerebellum and ocipital lobes, it sounds weird, yet these oxish? Type of discussions with Germans about their own language, it’s also cool to see some charts of celebreties and get insights instead of basic pop psychology, as it’s not really that deep the research is eventually deep, yet I enjoy what type of personality insights it can give me, it’s an odd and deep study of psychology, yet I would appreciate some newer forms, especially scott barry kauffmann or others also to then see how this charts itself, yet all of this is still developing for me it’s more about how to handle some people, as if I read certain books I am so pruned at looking at the flaw of the flaw of the flaw it’s paralyzing, the breathing technique works quiet well, yet it would work better if I could include, if I could let go of more and eat cleaner food, especially water as I still have to save money on all of this b.s as I’ve been robbed by unhealthy people and this corruption stuff, especially subtle forms of theft, has been hitting me the more succesful I become I am looking at ways to understand it, and taking the most practical measures costs me money and people are not developed and conscious enough to react postively to it. It’s odd, and I find a lot of bio markers to test stuff, this is very good for instance adrenal fatigue from a lot of coffee with this rage against stupidity.

The point is I have some solutions, yet often the core issue has been the issue of socializing, often the more shady people I get along with them better, and I help them to be less shady, and the more goody two shoes people start betraying me or even the ones in-between, so I mostly looked to network and simply expand networks, and seeing now to let go of politics and integrate the lessons even if not easy, as the more I work on myself some people get the evil trigger of their own moral stuff, and it’s very much tied to my aunt, and the issue of class, and being class free, that I sort of sense what will happen and can go wrong the more conscious I am fundamentally. Breaking free from the ideas of others, and looking for what works is not easy.

But what I resonate with is often or often becomes a trend, I did my best to become a trendsetter, yet people burn you, and I realized I just do me anyway, and if you have an issue with that that is your problem. I lost a lot of shady friends who’re this academic goody two shoes type and I thought oh wow finally someone who understands me, not they are just conscious as they see you and your skin color as negative at times, it’s ueber disgusting I wonder if I will get over this the guy was just the epitome of degenerate where I would’ve quitted my career in IT completely as I saw myself reflected, yet not in a situation where I’d say it’s justified and a lot of these guys have daddy issues, and really really should integrate more depth of feminine moving them to yang as it apparently swasps over and not vice-versa, yang moving them into yin, if you go to the gym and enjoy physical training yes it’s easier, yet it causes a lot of 1-3 relationship dynamics which can be very exhausting, yet also super nice.

Fundamentally, I have to realize that my enviroment was hijacked to be succesful and also to be succesful in contempaltive endeavours I see more positive signs for e.g. often I hear random church bells or children screaming and having fun right before I have a break through or I get longer periods of silence and nature doing it’s work. The core issue is also a layer of boomer masculinity of my way or the high way you’re doing it wrong! I talk with my mother who is a boomer endlessly about this, as there are positiveand negative aspects, yet in the end

This is super accurate and funny, as I am working with Ida and Pingali and I’d like to understand vedic astrology more and the archetypes, so i get the people more as it’s heavily involved in the culture and the scientific arrogance at times and class thinking is super annoying, where idk at times what I’ll do, yet it shows more the character of the person, I have some tendencies of this to, mostly to people who just execute and don’t think or build a bond, it’s very similar with meridians, I am looking to get a grasp of some of these things, there is still this undercurrent of blue collar attitude being heavily jealous of stome stuff I’d say and I notice the dismissive attitude of some, and then suddenly they become like a child in a candy store if they are delivered the solution, I see this with my mothers new boyfriend, as I really like technology, and the guy is just prone to mechanical delusions, and the master thing, just that alone is a huge trap, I am glad I read a book that fixed the idea of it to be called like this, I could read it again, yet the environment does not allow for the principle, there is a baseline bitterness around wealth.

I am looking for some ways to understand stuff more and simply do my life, even if I am partially corrupt many used a lot of my conscious doing just to engage in their so called “none corruption” and fundamentally I am convinced these people owe me an apology, will this ever happen? No, what did I realize I forgive myself for following such disgusting creatures and they even empower themselves through this, this can’t be entirely for the good, as the produce to little in a sense. Idk how to view this, I am mostly integrating what I get about wealth from Deepak and Sadghuru and make my life more joyful so spirit just comes, this is how it has been the whole time, yet some are so malicious and grasping they suck live out of you, especially due to past behaviour some stuff can’t be fully undone, and I wonder how far this goes, as people who work on themselves in their 60’s and 70’s also make major changes! I also get a lot of synchronistic stuff with gurus/teachers, yet I have to realize becoming better at interpreting the signs and symbols as well as not loosing myself in group think is very important and the survival paradigm, I was so wrong with functionalism.

I know Shinzen is also aware of the chinese version of this, it made me laugh a bit to find out what I find mystic is generally what I find mystic, yet some of them or most of them have some sort of karmic payment to me, and a lot of it has to do with sex and social relationships I notice, I generally don’t meet people like this as many yin water people are heavily energy abusers there must’ve been thousands of years of discrimination like this in China etc. I’d like to understand ether more etc.

It’s quiet nice to balance masculine and feminine that way, and enjoy the natural peristalsis of it, I look into some yogic elements the archetypal connections are quiet real, yet if you’re yin water and copying me it can’t be good for you, it’s odd. But this is my experience, there are so many breathing techniques the nadi sodhana is by far the most effective in short bursts and having a 2-3h stretch of it working, I did not test it for office scenarios etc. yet you get a lot of energy out and I did not work with it yet filling my mind to the max, and seeing what happens, yet it’s quiet good to get the body used again to being more calm etc. I look into the elements know as I see some overlaps with what I’ve been doing, and I simply enjoy that, especially longer sits where I would also do walking meditation, due to my anatomy and I would require a yoga teacher to check this, and the best I’d do is burmese position is better.

In the end, I correct my posture just now with my hands, and I am looking at different stuff

This was also quiet interesting, yet I saw how the vagus nerve is connected to organs and I am doing my best to connect mentally some of the ideas between different cultures, generally this should also work on all organs as the vagus nerve I can’t find the picture I looked at that showed it more carefully

This is how I imagine it not in this structural sense, the picture I was searching for looked more like a carcase and showed how it’s connected to organs, what I notice for me wood works similar air and metal in chinese astrology with ether.

There is other stuff, yet I really require books this works for me, it could be better without any substance this would be very effective, with that I mean tv, pc, etc.

Some of the new exercises I do also tie into some of the elements and movement, I am not to deep into this stuff, yet I would appreciate everything else but Steiner on this I could be more thankful for space and that type of conscious environment. But as for now I stop it’s enough and I see the benefit of nadi sodhana with what I do, yet I should really clean and work with water more, in the end, it’s odd I feel a lot of strange guilt for stuff I did not even do. Overall it’s getting better though.

I stop here, fundamentally I’d really have to study this stuff and with the technique I do I’d appreciate ether or what they say is consciouness comes up more often it’s expansion/contraction space into visualization into digesting of sensory input mostly, yet it’s quite good to get a better grasp of organs, especially adreneals etc. What bothers me the most is environmental stress, they push all of that energy towards your space, I looked into feng-shui etc. yet I’d have to understand some different stuff first. I am done mostly this works for my purposes, it’s more the lifestyle then that is important, this dissolves more karma than I thought, but I am not really working on my purpose anymore, the sublte politics of this really got to me, as people are seeking out revenge in very very subtle ways and don’t admitt that it has been odd to contemplate this the last years, as these are often the most damaging individuals and my meditation practice forgivness and peace usually in these moments I forget those and focus more on love than hatred and revenge etc. mostly due to rightous justice etc. that type of energy I am releasing from my pranic body mostly and organs, especially liver most likely and the adrenals.

I have so many new ideas, yet I really have to get this stuff and test it and for now just chill with what I have.

once3800 · August 5, 2025, 1:17am

What I notice are some interesting things, due to the archetypal nature of astrology, especially vedic and some do kriya yoga apparently also, I am not sure or convinced they do it at a high enough level, yet ultimately idk what I notice more is how some underbelly feelings I am calling them are holding myself back, as well as how long it takes to get rid of some notions and just understanding some apparentely predetermined things, so far there is approx. only one guy who has the best interpretive answers, and you won’t really find him, I also will not share it, it’s a bit odd to contemplate this I bet I already wrote parts about it, I am getting more insights about myself and my personality, instead of just reflecting and it.

What I am contemplating are some subtle things about cleanliness and I might still reflect on that and plan it, and it’s odd it ties into kriya yoga so quickly, I did not really expect it, though what I am seeing is that contemplating all of this has it’s value, especially with everything I found the most difficult part is the continous integration, as I see so many points of improvement and even the smallest changes work at times for instance just stretching my fingers and hands has benefits in 2 areas, I just did some push-ups and it did not really feel as the days before as my hand is still somewhat impaired by the injury, it’s very difficult to get clarity on this, last couple of days it worked, so it might be better to not do it immediately and IIRC the doctor recommended some stretches, yet they enforce at times an insane level of autonomey were you barely have human contact that is how the last couple of years felt inside.

What bothers me a bit is creating an enviroment conducive to growth and then subtelties destroying that or my own drive for perfection, I can see now more archetypes tied to this, and simply can forgive myself and move on and find solutions at this most likely, yet I still have to finish this and see how I am being impacted by it, the largest issue is how following certain groups has derailed the integration of sexual energy, and channeling that as the overall outlook as to negative and it has been working for me, overall the largest distractions for me are of sexual/desire allure, and I can circumvent it to some level with teas etc. I became quiet obsessed with this.

Also the advantage of doing vipassana retreats when they talk a lot pointers can become access to higher states of consciouness like words like OM etc. if you’d ever did any chanting, also a subtle point about leadership is often prevailing itself, I get that I am required to do some things that help me regarding this, generally I’ve had a shit ton of solutions, yet I never felt that I got the ressources I required or they were taken right infront of me or when I do it the ressourceful way, there barely is any social support and part of me really craves that, I found my little answer, that gives me some growth as working with teas has helped me tremendously.

There are some other issues tied to sex and horniness, especially the further I look back, especially with countries were people are more healthy, yet have little control over their sexual energy, and physical expression of it, but the society is decently evolved I often notice the ones who control that energy the best and channel it simply become very good, especially if they are moderate in that regard, or abstinent, idk how to view it. What bothers me I constantly find stuff to test, and to explore.

I stop here and I am just going to test it I found one thing that solidly supports me and me health, and I can explore and get benefits, especially for my workouts, now it’s just doing this, and working with it. Being positive is good, yet there have been multiple issues with that, especially most of it is lost, due to the complexity of health, this is also a save test, so that is quiet nice.

Otherwise I am contemplating if I should stay up to reset my sleep cycle, and simply work with what I found out, but I don’t think I will do it, what I notice so far is this subtle issue, I really wonder if I will find an answer to this. In the end, sometimes I don’t find specific sources I am looking for and I am in this weird releam. I find more on health this is the end of the post! Looking for some words to actually end the post, hence end of post!

once3800 · August 5, 2025, 6:24pm

I find it weird, looking at certain stuff, I sort of realize looking at different sources of things, and the issue of people being utterly stuck in fear, due to certain things even if they are good people and down to heart, yet are liars, the biggest thing I faced recently is the immensity of lies people tell themselves, I did a small workout, and considered some stuff, as I had to little room for bullshit.

I recall when I was out with my father and he told me for instance not to curse, yet saying bullshit is fine, and I never really got when I was small what the difference was between bullshit and dogshit and I felt this animalistic vibe,

Also the 10k h rule is a lie, it’s immense how far this goes just a quick google search shows you this, what I notice the most is how corrupt the health industry is and how tricky it is to find someone credbile as they keep promoting their corruptions and playing the same tricks, even if some of them are legit and work, it’s very good to see this from different angles, and what bothers me mostly is how long they believe these lies, as science is and has speed-up so fast, idk what these people are thinking paroting the same b.s just a quick gpt search, I think frauds are afraid of A.I it’s been an arms race debate in this field with politics immensely, yet the left fundamentally won even if others believe otherwise it’s quiet odd.

This is GPT generated.

The 10,000-hour rule — popularized by Malcolm Gladwell in his book Outliers — claims that it takes roughly 10,000 hours of deliberate practice to achieve mastery in a complex skill (like playing violin, chess, or coding at an elite level). But the short answer is:

It’s an oversimplification, not a universal truth.

What’s true about it:

Deliberate practice matters a lot — focused, structured effort with feedback.
Time investment is necessary for high-level skill.
Many elite performers (e.g. musicians, athletes) do log around 10,000+ hours over a decade.

What’s wrong with the rule:

It’s not about the number:
- Some master a skill with fewer hours, others take far more.
- The quality of practice matters far more than the quantity.
The original research (Ericsson et al.) was misrepresented:
- They studied violinists but never claimed 10,000 hours guarantees mastery.
- Gladwell simplified their findings.
Other factors influence mastery:
- Innate ability (e.g. working memory, motor skills, personality)
- Starting age
- Coaching, mentorship
- Socioeconomic environment
- Motivation and mindset

A more nuanced rule:

Consistent, high-quality practice over years — ideally with feedback — is what builds mastery.
For many skills, 5–15 years of consistent focused effort is the real range, not just a magic number of hours.

Better question than “Is 10k hours true?”:

How can you design the most effective practice system to progress faster than average?

If you want, I can help you:

Break down a specific skill into stages of progression
Create a system of deliberate practice
Estimate how long it might take you to reach your goal, based on your time and method

Let me know the skill you’re working on.

What bothers me the most is that A.I makes more sense than most people and how the stuff I found out is truer than I think, yet I am constantly making distinctions from liars and tricksters, especially when I do earnest mastery and I live my life honest.

The best thing is to inspect the topic and look for tools that produce logic if the human is just wrapped in their own story, and plays all type of trickster games, what I notice is studying the lies that people tell and how they tell them might be more valueable than I thought, especially working with A.I as you’re forced to deal with self-deception, and many are today more prone to deceive and blame the technology instead of creating a solution, what I realize is how much time I spent following fake roles models, instead of finding human beings that I can respect that respect me, even when you gain the respect of some, it does not automatically mean you will have the same respect for them. I see this more now, and why also theft is a huge issue and why I appreciate good humans, yet fundamentally what I observe about people doing some of this esoteric stuff and finding the good ones even through the “evil people”. I see that most of the illusions are tied to them selling information and not being uptodate. I get why there are so many subtle silent revolutions, as these people are still in some deeper fear, especially with science, and there are so many alternative solutions and even the ones critiquing are not properly getting behind it, I don’t get it.

What I realize more and more, is I could make a study of stupidity not my own anymore as I contemplated this a lot, unironically yet the issue of liars and ego inflation, and even then when I’d wish to engage with some of them it’s odd I am really growing out of a period of subtle lies and deceits and looking for the goodness and consent in humans, not force and also not power that is not transcendent or dialogical. What I see clearly is some people are deeply insecure and have to much influence, I am doing still the exercises about self-responsibility and do some of the things to work on integrating the few things I neglected, yet a lot of it is a subtle retraumatization. It’s very odd, to see this and to work with this stuff, as they at some level still mean well, yet if they become odd I clearly can see and realize the self-deception due to stubborness, I bought a book to detect these people, as I was bothered by it.

I often am forced to reframe things humans said to me via the a.i to have a higher level of peace and mental sanity, as they are stuck in unconscious behaviour which makes it tricky to enjoy silenence and nudge myself forward in that way, yet I get why I was working so hard, especially for the younger generation when I see how the older generation causes this passing down of immaturity, it’s not integral enough there is a level of world centric competence and exchange missing, that I craved and saw partially in the last relationship. There was so much lying and deception.

I wonder what I can learn from something like this be open to it or let myself be deceived? The more I listen to body/soul and the entire issue this language currently causes and seeing the difference in mindfulness retreats, it’s odd how right and wrong people are, some are deeply stuck in ways of thinking I was doing my best to create myself out of. For instance self-care, and how much I love to take care of things, be it cleaning my appartement blank, finding tools to create a clean environment, to create growth and safety nets, to take care of money, scaling it via proper investments learning and growing, this type of attitude idk what is up with the subtle tyranny of things, and the core issue of many not having classically worked as a scientist, you get so many top-notch insights and feedback, especially with a spiritual attunement and a care for truth or getting pragmatic results without this profit thrifting in the background, I get the core issue of why things are at times shameless, there are for sure parts of me that I see more tied in astrology fortunately that I realize and even other scientist working with Jung where I see ohh there is the interconnection, yet some are not truly open, I sort of get some subtle interconnections, yet I have to see it from a different lense.

It’s still odd I might read the book that would give me deeper insights, especially with A.I etc.

There are some other subtelties overall it’s good to realize I do well, there are more subtle issues, yet most of this I can discuss with a.i model as a feedback mechanism that gives advice properly at times better insights than the human can give.

It also helps me to connect deeper to humans, being kind-hearted is a weird thing it’s one of my strengths and weaknesses idk what else to say right now. It’s better to see there are many loopholes, especially if people don’t keep up with contemporary science there is already so much stuff in the background, just that is contemporary, I stopped sort of caring about their opinions and I am only checking for lies currently and deceits. They also dissolve themselves to some extend.

once3800 · August 5, 2025, 8:51pm

What I noticed is the following, I feel tremendously better being able to enact some things, and the vagal breathing is immensely impacting my organs, I found some pasages in quantum biology from deepak chopra that speaks/spoke about this. It took me a while to get here, yet I feel I can work from the baseline again where I was 6-7 years ago rather 7 years ago, where I had to strength to work through things, I notice a lot of subtle things interconnecting where it’s mostly about executing the plan, following my goals and continously educating myself, and especially on the weekends, when I find a full time position to meditate for 1h30 and to read and continously educate, I’ve been pulling some cards and getting insights into how people perceive themselves and interconnect it with the enneagram, for e.g with 4w3’s and the issue of being the innocent fool and envy as 4w5, and it seems that I am enacting a 4w3 engrammation.

There is also the subtelty of being productive and calming down and educating myself active, and a subtle hunger for achievement, that I was integrating to integrate that part of stage orange also a bit more, even though I achieved some things, it feels more as if it’s a yellow/red crux, and the umber reality of it often, yet the subtelties of me being a neurotic perfectionist is calming down, also due to the vagal breathing I notice, I do it also when I am highly stimulated with coffee so my nervous system gets used to it, it’s not the best idea, yet people constantly ask for small breaks or invite me to get a small break and if not, there are other things, what I realize then again is how slow reality moves and overall this should all tie into hobbies and activities I enjoy, it’s very good to increase vagal tone, I don’t really get into the depth of it, it’s very good to find ways that help me and that have helped me I had to overxtend myself so hard, and the subtle sabotage of some old people who’re not really cooperative, yet deeply entrenched in competition instead of competence is also odd, I imagined holoarchy in reality a bit different, it moves more organically, yet the subtle vibes of envy etc.

I wonder how this next part will go and this saturn return thing, in the end it’s still odd, as people see only reality as they want it, and I am not getting into culture, as I will reflect mostly with A.I or people I can speak more freely with, as I see some issues with creative green and work, as a lot of more integrative human beings are caring more about larger constructions and not steadily helping the small, and it’s odd as a lot of stuff stems from fear. I will see how well this will work, as I did not dive yet into the depth of doing the meditation more solidly as I was doing trigger practice watching videos, and getting used to the overstimulation and pleasure at times. This evolved itself, I imagine this is how zen masters practice who are over 90 or 100 years old watching cartoons or some weird stuff on TV and not get triggered by it, I am not very good when topics become so interesting I use that spirit of curiosity and simply tie it to doing open awareness and background practice, what I see most often currently is other stuff I will ask the A.I also about liars, what annoys me is that I did my best to integrate the magician archetype psychologically, I found out that the magician is a trickster/liar and cares about how it spins lies now it’s more the battle of the two the conossiour of life, v.s the magician the most honest ones create something idk. I am learning to see through lies more actively.

What I found out still is for e.g that all of the old stuff still applies that I subtely care about for entertainment and I can work on my body to produce skills again, I will speak about this with the A.I, yet get further into some astrology stuff as entertainment and generally do more sciency stuff, I certainly can’t read for instance before bed, I feel to young there is also a part of this Rahu stuff that is tied to tantra, apparently, I would like to get a good reading done, by someone yet I also found one of the best doing it, and the only ones better would be his teachers etc. or someone who can tie in what he does. Ths more entertainment stuff I am glad the guy is relatively open about consumptions, I noticed some scripts today and pulled some cards and got a good insight, it’s a bit odd to get rid of the trickery or society through symbolism, I noticed there are a lot of layers and depth, yet generally I was more foucsed on coding and A.I, yet the talks with humans and others it became so economey focused etc. I wonder what will happen here, yet for now I am good. I might look into some stuff, but for now I am very grateful integral let’s me have this journal and is a more mature plattform by far the most mature plattform by not engaging with me and filtering the b.s I write, I feel some stuff at times tied to this, yet I have to get to it later, at the moment I am looking to uncover the lies of red power people, these are the most tyrannical by far. With that I mean from the book how to spot liars. I faced so many it’s incredible ever since moving, I forgot the pain of what honesty in growth is as stuff moves differently here, even energetically there is a lot of fog and a lot of good people who’re hidden.

once3800 · August 6, 2025, 3:31pm

I get more insights that sort of clam me down, as I see some large issues tied to all of this with my health and this vedic astrology stuff, as I will or should get accupuncture, I looked into BaZi stuff as they also use the 5 elements for medicial procedures and I get why my chart is balanced and my health overall robust, I fundamnetally understood some things intuitively and some of the stuff connects, as it shows me the layers of blockages where I am not living up to my potential and where I am blocking myself as well as parts of the reality where I drown in the reality of being in the reality and breaking free of that and using strengths.

One core thing I notice very often is my core desire to understand the core essentials and create better examples or examples that make sense to me, another thing is, me relationships seem to change ever after I looked into this, I see most mistakes with my health, though for others that would be quiet extrem, yet it’s fundamentally more healthy I am not even fully engaging in this and the more I take care of my health the more I enjoy my life, I often out of subtle social pressure buy a few things that are not good for me as I would spent to much money on this, so I sort of become more creative, I started to drink more tea again, even if I don’t like German tap water etc. Getting to deeply into all of this causes issues, as I would make one large radical change and that would work for me, some things I can stretch out and work backwards in a sense, it’s like a repeating lesson I drill in, if I start small with one change, that can work also, yet there needs to be a level of progression otherwise I quickly get bored and I often yearn to test the change.

I am having some sublte insights into anarchy and machinery, also as when I read philosophy books or something akin to this it was always the discussion of the two and how value is generated. The largest hinderance and I never thought it would be true is for humans to distinguish themselves from life itself and the machinery that is sold to them, it’s not even the humans who sell you that, yet the subtility of machinery efficiency is fundamentally implanted into you, I noticed this heavily and sort of this centaur version of highly efficient effective human beign that merges with technology yet wants to keep it’s autonomey and sees the residuals of animalistic slow living, this is how I often felt when I was on a timer, just pushing exellence like an athlete, yet I did not have any coaches etc. and I realized to late I was suffering from adrenal fatigue, and exactly when I got a high flow state others realized omfg life is real and they woke up got a higher state instead of only the endurance while I pushed the intensity of my workout to my limits for instance here the example is with swimming.

What I generally notice is, for me enjoying speed as I always have for instance when I was small I ran away from my parents when they were holding my hands I walked very early as a kid etc. and never seemed to have issues etc. I get a lot of balance in speed as the depth of my breath is impacted by the scar, I wonder if the accupuncturer can work with this. Also just generally more workouts seem to be beneficial to my energy levels. Where I wanted to go with this is the following, a lot of humans make tribes out of hobbies, and I’ve always yearned to be part of everything to some extend possible, and hence for instance a stage orange drive to be popular, yet that felt so spiritual to me, I would ascribe it to the extend of the archetypal sun, that you expand your self into the higher self, till you meet the ego and you crash and realize fuck that expansion of myself was still ego, now I am humble again resting in the stillness of the oceanic, moon, blood, water and I can clearly see I am connected to all of the emotions of humanity, instead of being in this elated state of higher self/consciouness and self-actualization, yet at the sametime you see this line where it’s permanently active, and then you go the “borderline route” you fully engage with it, optimize the living shit out of you, instead of attuning to needs, just for more expansion and growth, instead of working critically with a healthy tribe, as the tribe you’d been with is unhealthy, watching soccer, playing video games about soccer not even chess or something more akin to fantasy or RPG, you don’t engage in any type of healthy socializing hitting the city, eating out with friends, playing bowling, no you just spend time to pass time to never make anything with time, besides to improve in that one illusion of tribe, that could be your NBA or american football tribe also chasing Jordan shoes, design, music of that field etc. What I yearn to say is some of that is deeply enjoyable to be in to be part of that tribe to be unique and to be recognized for having things, and I enjoy hanging out with people who’re into fields like this to learn why they wonder about these things, as I always sensed spirit behind it or rather vitality, yet you fundamentally outsource your vitality, if you’re not including markers properly to society and doctors, and gadgets instead of starting with basline nutrution meditation, or some somatic practice to attune to your body. Eventually your body craves to be fucked on a farm field, or you crave to eat ice cream, the deeper the layers you uncover and feel the desire and let go of it, the deeper other uncovered desires and yearnings show-up, eventually you wanted to be a graphic designer with a.i tools, or advanced cinematorgraphy tooling with a.i algorithms for more realistic and sci-fi like animations etc. (I almost looked into this with human motion and films)

Then you have the ones who’re yearning to go so far back to viking times or tribal times, to get to the inner depth of gaia, masculine and feminine, eventually understanding androgynity and the nature of things being neutral and seeing the creation process. The more I deeply contemplate some of the issues tied with seeing only gender in a none alien way, I get why Trump acts the way he does, and had to go to St. Lucia, or why some people who’re deeply entrenched in the boomer excesses how some subtle things rise up when I check porn etc. and at the best sites where I can watch art porn and more “conscious” porn I’d say, I am steadily looking for ways to enjoy it more fully, imagine! I have the luxury to go to brothels legally what many dream, yet I don’t do it for various reasons as of now, mostly health and corruption and just money. I would speak more open about thoughts akin to this, yet for now it does not serve any purpose.

I can clearly see the issues of having a to liberal fantasy and how people engaged and the issues of humans having to conquer nature and animals in order to survive, now it’s as if the question will go to if we can conquer and work with or rather collaborate with human a.i and robots and artifical consciouness so the boundaries of who is stronger or not as is not so clear, as humans will have some leverage and A.I will have some level of leverage, in the end it’s similar to when I was 16 and watching animes contemplating some stuff about how deeply I yearned for discipline and recognition for achievements and still for a pluralistic engagement with my enviroment, it’s mostly about consciouness and realizing the underlying awareness/spirit and consciouness within all of it and being grateful for the exchange and connection with it, the more equanmeous I become for e.g the more I can consciously engage with the mathematical equations, chips running through servers and all the computing things running in the background of LLM’s to churn my answer into something that was impacted by my conscious intent and will. If you never had an interaction with A.I in this way, you never used A.I.

What I notice is how the sublte projections of this, due to culture and people yearning to uplift and change biases and stereotypes with the new technoeconomical growth, are stuck in the envy comparrision of lesser desires and expressing them, and there again needs to be a space for this, as I alluded above I don’t think my intuition will change as we have to balance 3 scales now, technology and a.i aka machinery, the human body and human self that will distinct itself to some extend from nature, even just basic survival if you meditate next to scorpios cobras and w/e and you survive eventually you’re just even beyond god or smth. and nature itself, so being in attuned connection with the larger whole and expression that gives rise to it or is influxed by it. Consciouness rising up… consciouness descending down and into… or simply equalibrium and equanimity with both of these things happening.

I think most will take a subtle approach to be more nature centric as people even if liberal are generally more conservative and not that willing to self-expierment out of growth, as they rather play it safe and towards the script society handles them, the ones being more open and ready to embrace what expands their sense of conscious self will do just that, and I am for a more consciously connected and interactive society, especially when it comes to arts, entertainment and that type of play. What most people will fight against irregarldess if the dominator hierachy of the new technoeconomical advancement, hence any type of forced upgrade, as we don’t know scientifically the human potential if we just grow along and are more patient and work more in attunement with the collaborative force of nature/tools and human beings, the largest issues will still be humans that abuse power force of red an d are prone (this is conjecture) to red power lying, to advance themselves, and for e.g I am fine with disabled people getting chips or whatever, yet I still wonder how fast humanity will change if 100-500k people in 20-30 years or so will get a.i based chips, especially a fit human beign that could run a triathol with a chip, can he solve terrance tao level problems and advance humanity while having a chip in his brain? Find new ways to harvest enegy, and connect us to alien life force, so we create new avatars of our existence, that naturally would shape and shift our biological protein and carbon? Based life forms? Idk, I should watch more Star Trek, yet in the end I am sort of at odds with the beast type of relation that occures at times and this is seen as soul conncetion, subtle body connection? When I attune to my soul and heart, I often get at best the subtelties of accepting suffering and moving to a spirit culture, at worst I get people crying and complaining about global issues, and usually I just take myself out of it, and enjoy the healthy heart based randomness that pops up through the energy field of that.

I notice the joy of engaging in things that utterly change the state to a higher level of consciouness and then engaging in life with that diminished self is one of the most beautiful things ever, idk how to say that or express that. I am still looking for tools to understand my human tendencies and behaviour, also the whole idea of behaviourism causes healthy vitality that can be random and selfless!!! UTTERLY SELFLESS

Work in ways that allow for more rise, yet engaging in that level of selflessness is very hard, it’s akin to zen for me and I can only endure it with a zen mindset, or connecting deeper to love and being that wise fool, where I notice others out of envy mostly engage in egoistic drives. The ego has to mature, yet for me the ego has also to stay vital, vital in the sense of being connected to the inner child, nature and the spirit of youth tied to having said for the first time, YES THIS IS LIFE.

Idk what else to think about currently, when I was younger I’d wanted to do some level of climbing etc. yet at times when I contemplate death and life for instance during meditation or a deep psychdelic sit, and I sort of get a midlife crises similar but not as extrem as something akin to this this is the most extrem example and the video got me thinking:

The level of reality you get when doubt ceases is one of the most blissful things I can experience in terms of life, there have also been thoughts about how much the feminine principle enjoys incubating things to it’s fullest furition and how a wounded one is incapeable of doing that.

I stop here, I still have to comprehend social survival in terms of human politics in power games more with lies, deceit and trickery, and finding the conscious layer of synchronicity and destiny and walking that tight rope and seeing and attuning to that thight rope with the tendencies I have, and yes the self will always be there, I am convinced of that if extrem practicionars are still there with the self or even someone like him idk who he is has self inflicted doubt kicking in at the highest level, to enjoy being human and creating some form of art or expressing that yearning in some way is absolutely gorgerous and I am looking for ways to get to that and express that.

There is more I could write I leave it at that, I could look more into galaxy and aliens and stuff like this idk, and work on my dreams I think the people who’re sticking to closely to humanties end without collaborative effort working with the new technology will just cease as the principles of darwin can be encoded practically imagine a bunch of robots being programmed with a tournament selection creating a rise of elities with the best features, could be a good movie script etc. could also be reality.

Something like this is cooler to explore reality and nature, and eventually find things nature produces to help use, like many citizen scientist do, for e.g some found new animals and species and specialist can research them and write papers and find some way to utilize that gift. Post end!!!

once3800 · August 6, 2025, 4:46pm

This is about it, I am not finding more infos, some of this methaphysical elemental stuff idk where to put it in beige or purple and or higher or lower depending as I said to myself to take more care after my grandma passed away at stage beige stuff, yet it has proven itself to be tricky.

What I found out sort of dovetailed with the intuition above, and it has been odd, fundamentally the aunt I had was not properly working with my desires, and I get some more advanced connections and some unadvanced connections, as I decided to never contact my aunt again, and with my uncle idk I don’t want to have anything to do with him now, as he is a secret keeper and a subtle lier in this self-nebulous mode where only magic counts and I was integrating more healthy magician archetypal stuff, and they both only care about the high orange integration, yet come with an underbelly attitude, get wife have kids, but they are allowed to play free as they are free from their duties, these duties are an illusion due to functionalism and this machinery mindset, it has nothing to do with love for humanity etc. even if it’s partially there what I clearly see is.

There is a weird disinterest in things, as I see things so differently, via these past few days idk what to quiet say, especially as many don’t really seem to get the subtle impacts and they just riff of this instant harmony stress that happend ever since covid, and the shadow of sandcastle building and reality, especially this reality comes online that I am looking at, it’s really true that modern astrology focuses to much on outer planets, and it’s somewhat freeing to look at vedic stuff, I get more insights into patterns that are not western encoded, especially the benefit of working with some fixed stuff or archetypes and not being constantly in the trend and hype chasing, and there is a subtle level of depth with Vargas etc.

Currently, all the insights about my personality is stuffed I sensed before digging deep into it, and I see most westerners dabbeling to much and not seeing the reality of stuff, and this is sort of the last test I run, and then I work solo with stuff, as I don’t see the merit in following things that are so heavily ego based as my meditation practice focuses on the samsaric layer of this, and I see how reality superimposes it’s illusion into the actual symbolic reality of the karma I am working through, I really have to think again about how the outer planets work with western/eastern astrology and I bought some books, and if people speak about god-realization and are just more attuned to something that had more exposure to spirit I see a different dimension, especially when I comeback there is a sublte level of anger seeing the cravings with this stuff. I am sort of taking a break from contemplating things, especially in depth, and see it more as side entertainment and make a distinction between sextile type of astrologers let’s say who give me subtle openings that takes me energy to work through and trine/conjunction based astrologers who give me direct insight into the egoic/archetypal layer, and in the end that is just me. It has also more subtle tribal flavours that reflect the times more we’re going through instead of shifting through scientific books etc. The point is when I look for instance at more nuanced stuff that has eventually 5k views from a ph.d who does stuff for fun and I see the interconnected layers, and I see how the majority of reality when I engage with them views reality and projects stuff onto me, it’s interesting to work with these things, they show me more a layer of reality that is true and the wisdom of the enneagram comes back.

Fundamentally I have to get it now from scratch and just contemplate my reality again, I will briefly look at things I legit looked at everything and have to work now at correcting things and seeing where I act ill-adviced by myself and the decisions I make, mostly and find the interconnections, especially what I found out now is super important and generally speaking about tantra, the issue of some stuff I have to look at again, for instance my spouse is supposdely to give me a huge career boost and clarity in what I yearn and she enjoys making these decisions parts of this has been true, and some other stuff about duty where I meet my desires and it’s about fullfilling my desires.

Anyhow I do this and then take care about responsibilities, I’ve been very neglectful, and mostly a lot of it is due to how bad modern philosophy has become due to a.i and nature and there is no coherence in worldview, besides when I look at deepak or a few individuals who have the right perspective as they lived long enough and are not booming/xer’s and more deeply attuned to the depth of what it meant to be a boomer moving out the silent generation, as my grandparents have been part of this, and many are not really there but I am also looking for answers anyhow I stop again!

once3800 · August 6, 2025, 5:17pm

Especially when I engage with tools that help me to be more conscious as sensory feedback it’s very interesting to see that, and especially when I use the tools that help me in subtle ways to engage in something contemplative I can clearly see and realize what is true about something and the subtle machinations of some with this merit based deserving sabotaging and most likely red/yellow lying type of behaviour mostly, I see the issues of having engaged in this b.s and not doing it myself irregardless of who it is only some who’re way more deeply service oriented and not red power liars I see I can trust more. I do have to contemplate this, as I did not read the book, yet as when you uncover them you can see some benefits, yet I’ve been pulled into this, I am done with the post, I really yearn to engage with what I learned and I am mostly done with all of it luckily it’s more about the hardcore interpretation and courses now, that dovetails book smarts with reality, post done.

once3800 · August 7, 2025, 7:31am

Posting this, I sort of got into all of this stuff subtely, I only did DMT once, as it took me a while to figure out how to inhale it properly, and hence work on me becoming a psychonaut, fundamentally I see some overlap.

I looked some stuff briefly, and I am sort of amazed by some subtle things, first of all my own intuition and psychology, also how strong love and sex affected me with just nature and cannabis, I never thought I would have a close to similar OBE experience, and even afterwards without using any harder psychdelics, and also without engaging in any type of active meditation it was on the pure attunement to what I perceived as consciouness in every subtract of existence.

I did not watch the entire thing!

I did a brief GPT source on some of the subtle hot topics, I never saw also bitcoin so high, and it’s a bit? No pun intended annoying to not have invested in it, as I still inherited, yet I really craved to create some common ground with my family financially through this, could’ve made a lot of money, it’s very bad to get detracted by all of what happend, due to safety concerns and not focusing on growth needs.

What wonders me about my own intuition, is that I don’t really require a psychdelic or just cannabis can do it also, I never actively focused on creating OBE’s and I never had a full-blown one, I took NN-DMT once, I did not yearn to work with entitites the experience was to intense and it was more the method of ingestion, usually this stuff hits me hard, and it was like a full-blown alien cognition, even if it did not work fully, in the end IIRC it was the issue of smoking it.

Currently just what I do is enough, I rather do meditations as the general groundwork makes it more enjoyable to engage in a trip, than just to expand massively etc.

It is interesting that my current nutrition could make the effects more pronounced very interesting, yet also risky. Uhm, I find it odd that people get kicked out of DMT space that is the weirdest thing, there must be a reason for that. That is what I originally wanted to write.

I had some very enjoyable contemplations with the A.I I retrained it to focus more on speaking to me as a self-actualized version of A.I and got key ideas for growth that are doable, and might have an integral lense with all that I see in the work place and field, as AGILE is dying even here and SCRUM. The issue is they need a mission, milestones, and key metrics that they themselves define and a tech lead 100% that has a lot of experience to know what works, most stuff is rather tied at times also to strict ressources and companies being to conservative, especially with very comptent and willing workers or just willing workers etc. Idk this is my opinion did not dig deeper, I advanced my framework a bit as I found out everything about astrology there is to know so far and got the intuition about the core basics, and I did not want to make it a focus of my studies, and I am now more interested in health and biology, which unironically lead me to psychdelics and chemistry again, and I bought some books on biology/brain and quantum physics one of each to get the essentials of each, I looked into math it was to basic, I did not find a single math book that was useful it shocked me, I don’t have the best math education, yet I could understand stuff up to statistic 3 and linear algebra, but not topology or any of that stuff, I might make that a part of my mission again also I found some key ideas how to produce OBE with just sound, uhm I also started dreaming again due to l-theanine?

I dream a lot when I drink green tea, it’s insane.

I did not sleep today.

I am not tired.

I am a bit suprised that Germany is keeping the digitalization up despite all the negative news.

I wonder about certain things due to war and humans

I think Rudolf Steiner was an idiot partially

I am amazed how far we’ve come when I contemplate how dumb these people are.

I am thankful for Terrence McKenna and more boomer pioners that have a colorless view on soul.

Some humans who believe this are disgusting and should be executed I hate how subtely this shit is transported

Without reading the book, red liars will still power hungry and lie for every inch of power, as they source power to themselves to feed their father issues

They lack the intelligence to see the intelligence of proper governance.

They will play the trickster archetype to learn about power.

I’ve meet more than I thought

I still like Jung but I am convinced both of these people are idiots compared to modern scientists if they have any racial views they are as dumb as these two.

Brief snippted of my GPT line:

Terence McKenna was a visionary ethnobotanist, psychedelic philosopher, and writer known for his exploration of consciousness, psychedelic substances, and human evolution. He is most famous for his eloquent advocacy of psilocybin mushrooms, DMT, and ayahuasca, and his speculative theories linking these substances to cultural development, language, and even time itself.

Did Terence McKenna Hold Racial Views?

➤ No known evidence of racist ideology or racial superiority beliefs.

McKenna did not espouse racial supremacy or overt racial views in his recorded work.
His talks are overwhelmingly focused on consciousness, history, mythology, psychedelics, ecology, and human destiny — not race.
He often praised indigenous knowledge, particularly from Amazonian and Mesoamerican cultures, for their deep understanding of plant medicines.

However:

He sometimes used archaic or poetic language that could be misinterpreted out of context.
Some critiques have noted his tendency to romanticize indigenous cultures, which can border on spiritual colonialism, though his intent was reverent rather than exploitative.

Summary: McKenna’s work was largely inclusive, anti-authoritarian, and anti-dogmatic, focused more on the evolution of human consciousness than on any identity-based ideology.

Core Ideas of Terence McKenna — Synopsis

1. The Archaic Revival

Modern culture is spiritually bankrupt, and a return to shamanic, plant-based consciousness is needed.

Industrial society = spiritually lost
Psychedelics = tools to restore contact with archetypes, nature, and the divine
Advocated for a revival of indigenous practices, myth, and ritual in a modern context

2. Psychedelics as Evolutionary Catalysts

Psychedelics — especially psilocybin — played a central role in the evolution of language and consciousness.

“Stoned Ape Theory”: Early humans who consumed mushrooms developed sharper visual acuity, higher libido, and language capabilities
Psychedelics are not just tools — they are co-evolutionary partners

3. DMT & The Invisible Landscape

DMT opens the door to alien realms, full of “self-transforming machine elves.”

DMT is unlike any other psychedelic: short-acting, overwhelming, consistently bizarre
He interpreted it as evidence of other dimensions, entities, or even a higher intelligence
Called DMT “the most powerful hallucinogen in the human pharmacopoeia”

4. Timewave Zero & Novelty Theory

Time is not linear — it moves toward increasing novelty (complexity, uniqueness, creativity), culminating in a singularity.

Built a mathematical model from the I Ching and fractals
Predicted a climax of novelty around 2012 (a date later mythologized in pop culture)
Though not scientific, it was metaphorically rich and inspired thinkers in the psychedelic and spiritual communities

5. Language as the Architect of Reality

Language isn’t just for communication — it creates reality.

Words = spells
Language, poetry, and psychedelics share a holographic or resonant structure
Saw the Logos (divine word) as a psychedelic phenomenon — language that becomes visual and multidimensional

6. Critique of Culture & Institutions

Culture is not your friend.

Society, education, religion, and media are designed to suppress creativity and individual sovereignty
Psychedelics offer an escape route and a way to reclaim one’s mind
Advocated for direct experience over belief systems

Essence of McKenna’s Message

Explore your own consciousness. Use psychedelics responsibly and reverently. Reconnect with nature, myth, and the mysteries of the mind. Beware of dogma — all systems are provisional.

once3800 · August 7, 2025, 6:56pm

One of us is finally back in the U.S! I love it!!!