Integral Journal (once3800)

[once3800]

To further contemplate, some of this, what I personally notice more and more is how impactful the generation difference is and how disinterested I am in engaging in human contact that provides no value and is just focused on mind, and lacks subtely energy exchange or is to intellectual and based on data, scientism and metrics.

I meditate for 45 minutes and had some small breakthroughs in terms of letting go of the impressions of the past and the constrcuted story-telling seeing the constructed story telling and the inevitability of meaning-making as a self-story narrative, that is neccessary to construct properly to work more effectively or exist and be more effectively in multiple domains of life, as tomorrow or the day after is my grandmas birthday this was the core trigger, I was able to let go of some deep emotions and it’s mostly just the body that is automatically releasing samskaras and the idotry I see personally with the core issues of the scientific paradigm, and the issues of the limits of human capability and history, as well as lust, greed and some core issues young men face with socialization and also older people.

What I notice I am less and less interested in engaging with humans if the interaction is not spontaneous or there is not a good subtle energy exchange, as my viewpoints etc. often differ and I dislike this pull of constantly engaging with others, only to hear after and after perfect, perfect perfect or some line of improvement.

I had some thoughts about this, facing the core concret reality of this, and what I notice the most is how limited we are as human beings, and how difficult it is to speak with some average materalist scientist about the whole idea and issue of life forms etc. and what Wilber also speaks about in a book, about calling others not integral, and in my experience it’s weaponizing the competence mind or “integral mind”, let alone in German this is very diffuclt, and this blue/yellow pull of uneccessary perfection perpetuating the same problem and not giving or finding a holistic solution, even if it solves the root cause it does not solve the perpetuation of the cause, for e.g work/labour existing etc.or simply survival, and denies it’s own survival agenda, or abuses it to get it’s needs meet or is unaware and lashes out.

I’ve been there certainly and I notice the only issue to circumvent is to transcend the rung, when I see how some integralist and others can engage with higher viewpoints and experiences of energy, it’s very good to see, I also contemplated the lack of role models, how it impacted me and what tends to happen and the core issue of pride in mutliple domains, dating, spiritually and in relationships.

As well as looking at some people who’re actually there and not only engageing in Judeo-Christian culture viewpoints, I find for the younger generation this is not working out to well in the culture wars, generally religion, but idk what I notice most from my practice is things tend to happen the way it’s intended spiritually I get very advanced stuff, and it’s difficult to relate and if a person is not fully aware of the transcend context and requires a map or a script to figure it out to much and can’t engage in the perspective, the person has little value to me, and is still looking for pointers instead of the experience, or engages the territory to get to know the map or the moon in order to see what the moon is.

In the end I often see humans as a life form are prone to power and name games, authority and pride and the more I personally let go of this the more I get the abundant reality I seek. I had to let go of a lot of stuff and people, and the subtle games people played were no good for me, there are a lot of subtelties I can’t really express without the right person or circumstances.

I am mostly letting go of most things internally and that is good for the subtle body, people still crave a lof ot value on the mind/energy releam, yet transcending that and having causal states is a bit different or awareness, especially some subtle constrcuted narratives, that just come from listening to others for e.g. when I sit deeply in meditation I can realize the depth of love and care I had for my grandma and how it was obstructed by the family dynamics as I am quiet good at sensing the needs of another person, in the end I saw how rough this was due to projections of my aunt, a lot of subtle imprints and recollections of “soft” memory and how the interaction truly was experienced, the more I experienced the interaction how it was in reality during the meditation, the more I realized how much I appreciated and loved the companionship and experiences of family that were slighty transcended not concret literal value generation of physical ressources, yet the subtle domain of an exchange of value by love and care in differernt forms, often she cheered me up, but there are some subtles things I will most likely never get an answer.

What I find wild is the core issue of intellectual discourse when it’s not meta-aware, I found a good german map via gpt.

Terri O’Fallon, PhD & Kim Barta, MA

a Pdf, and it explains some nuances I’ve been thinking about, especially the issue of awareness and transcending physical pain and sensory stimuli due to a scar I have since birth, which pushes me in quiet deep states at times, but not structure stage yet.

I post the GPT link:

The_STAGES_Matrix_Roadmap_GER_16-08-19_low_res.pdf

This gave me some insight, especially via language.

Auditiv: Annahme, Bewertung this by far is the most common response with most humans, where humour starts to be important, or non-judgement.

Idk I am noticing I do my best to let go of more and more concepts and to internalize from awareness of awareness and what arises as very deep, joy love or bliss, but I am in this strange limbo of forgivness, anger and void and spacelessness of the experience as if it never existed, but not out of a depressive feeling, but actual catharhsis it feels so good, similar to when compassion gives rise to a bliss body experiences, or very deep grief of something and letting go and your “high” or blissed out for days. I guess the anger is only palpable by introducing non-dual hits, so it takes a very odd constructive worldview etc. but anyhow at times later more, the ressource is excellent for anyone speaking german, not wanting to cram through papers or even get something going via the site.

But I am a bit annoyed at the collective projections I face so I am witnessing and letting go, and looking for more people who can engage with me with awareness, for e.g the last relationship had little memory of things that trigger me collectively which made the relationship smooth, and I could express myself and she herself to an extend, anyhow it was a bit weird as I noticed her brother had more perceptions of what I learned as construct awareness as causal karma, and the subtle anger behind it where the humour and joy is healing, but the non-dual suchness of something like death, is simply a different type of realization. But yeah idk it’s odd like around every big event there is a birthday within my family, so I naturally become contemplative new years eve, halloween besides easter. God anyhow enough of this.

[once3800]

I find it interesting to contemplate at times a few journal entries from other sources as well as videos, as I started combining all of it, it has become an issue, and what bothered me the most by joining integral is the umberness of it, that I actually looked for refuge one, the narccicism of older people to leech value, like an reinforcement algorithm and I wonder how far this will be inherited by me and my perception on generation and the social aspect. I saw a brief headline that Chinas Gen-Z is focusing more on blue collar work, and I noticed some key aspects that make me dislike a lot of people in the engineering industry the more I contemplate Musk and my own personal approach, I am very glad Deepak Chopra is alive, but tbh my own personal perspective on stuff, in contrast to many of these incel ridden problems, as many are solved by dating & going out, and just learning to be social not and isolated hermit who waves his magical wand like harry potter, while I read the books of it as a child, the entire magic of it is gone, I wonder what will happen if the boomer generation and gen x dies away, if we actually get more peace on earth. I am convinced by seeing the ego issues of this, as well as unironically mine are dissolving mostly in that regard.

I saw some posts about cannabis as a potent psychdelic and I wondered, as it worked quiet intensively for me, even when I was on a retreat I had someone who handed me a joint, and I took a it as I was curious about consciouness more than just meditating alone, tbh I respected the stuff more, at times I am afraid I will go into spontaneous mahasamadhi, and I wonder if that is even possible to just dissolve with or without a psychdelic, as my strongest experience still have been without, and I get why some meditation masters and gurus are attracted to me and some nuances I am not mentioning, as I don’t see it as to positive.

All in all I feel optimistic, I wish I had better control of my energy to work with meditative stuff, and simply to enjoy life more, as I notice how disconnected the boomer generation is besides a few like Keith Witt imo from what is happening, and some core principles which I think are very good, yet they give very little guidance nowadays as everything is handled by some bot.

I also notice my own consciouness becoming less human the more I meditate in the default sense of being human and even requiring mechanical stage blue answers for everything and attacking and lashing out, also the core issues of engineering, I wonder I think if this is all true China lost the arms race already, and the few who actually care and simply do good work and don’t power trip advance a.i I seldom see someone responsible power trip there, it’s a lot more healthy integration, besides if you like smth. like Elon Musk, and some excesses of green that I am guilty of most likely also.

In the end, I think envy and skill competition is also at an all time high, the whole point of elite and taking care of the basics of stuff, and some issues especially of the millenial generation hating millenials for exactly that which I don’t see at all with zoomers or Gen-Z way more acceptance of difference, but also way more wounded fragile majorities that sort of got sucked in what millenials created, I don’t think in a karmic sense this will end well, I keep seeing also some stuff I did not think would happen like some well-known guru I know for a couple of months talking with an a.i guy Andrew NG and quiet frankly I wonder about some stuff, but as of now what I read I can recreate and test for myself if I am interested in that level of consciouness, but if that is true, I am pretty sure I can leave the planet with just that I hope I can ask an very advanced teacher once what that was one day, as I did not mention some parts, and from what my genetics must have experienced, it’s rare to find someone who can either help me or relate, I left my body twice almost with just sex and cannabis, but not like I could actually be in a different dimension I would just function on white light alone… try that, that freaked me the fuck out.

I also don’t speak with npc’s about this humanity is still stuck they badly require psychdelics to wake up, and show up for a while when they have done them, especially people 50+ some boomers have been booming more I guess with this, so they know, how freaking dangerous it is to speak about it. If I ever get the chance I ask, that day and moment and everything afterwards was to strange, and the scar I have since birth creates odd circumstances, where I skip karmic periods a lot. But get more white light experiences, in nature imo.

I also wonder at times how Trump makes decision and some nuances as he has actually done them, I read his history on Wikipedia and this new Grokpedia stuff is out which I think is horrible, everything by Musk recently besides Open A.I and Starlink I don’t really like, Grok is only funny for shadow work which I have enough of, and for eventually sex and entertainment.

There are some archetypal things I find fascinating when taking psychdelics with BaZi I am more interested in that I see but I ran it through the A.I to give me a rough intuition and it exactly replicated my intuition, but I forced it to take some stuff out, I think this is what I also mean, it’s very very very very good that the most advanced western teachers have my archetype or the eastern ones the one I am interested in as it’s part of my yong shen, but these are my mythical interpretations of all of this, as it helps me, and it’s not easy to get any insights from this, anyhow I thought about posting an anime that speaks about the whole creation of law, as that is being threatend and I am speaking to some less aware/conscious humans and they really enjoy the humouress and b.s talking interactions, which I find nice, what is bothering me is the stage blue perfect consciouness this shit never held and keeps making problems but its the beginning of the future imo, I wonder I have never seen so much b.s and chaos when it comes to paperwork of humans, it stopped, I stopped replying to anything and just let the law speak as they are fucking up so badly its horrible.

The only thing I think Grokpedia is good for is to put everything into Open A.I to get a better more human abstraction and then go to Wikipedia or some other ressource.

I think there is a subtle silence against stage blue that I hope the law fixed this issue entirely it’s horrible, that everyone needs to be guided like a 5 year old makes compassion a valueless human quality.

I find it also interesting what people now comment on Cannabis I found out for myself years ago, I think this is why some people also delete videos from me, with Truth as it hits hard. But making it softer and more digestable that is art for me.

Sigh this makes me miss the ex, but I don’t really know what the karmic consequences of this are, and yes I care about reincarnation, a lot in fact, but more out of curiosity and learning. I think it’s also very good to post as truthfully as possible anonymously and not be a clown, the more one uses ones real name I find the more clowny reality can be, or pride in that case. It’s a real challenge to transcend that, and I see some core issues with this steadily where I look, due to the issue of conscious leadership and how morphic fields work from my POV, and I am learning still and I think true freedom lies still more in silent leadership with invisible competence, but I am still thinking a lot about this.

Also this makes rappers more funny to me, as they downgrade everything to stage red, every majority priviledge riddin person will disregard everything these humans talk about to stage red if it’s to intense just shows the issue of how immature the older generation is and how I experienced the b.s of their gaslighting even as a generational outlet of bullying. But yeah I don’t really reac to this I just start to cry at the inevitability and issue of maturity, competence by far does not include any level of wisdom and maturity, but people like to think so and they forget the value of virtue stage blue is so adamant about.

[once3800]

I find it interesting to contemplate the core issue of transhumanism and anger and how many people are fed-up because of work and their existence, often times, I wonder for me the core issue is the body of thought of the older generations above 40 mostly, besides a couple of few, and I keep thinking about some solutions on how to get awy or rid of this.

Mostly, after doing the courses from integral and reading etc. there is little interest in engaging, as a community and I found some good pockets, I really just crave to have a journal to post at times to eventually, have the chance to engage with someone who likes what I write, I notice people have not also worked out plenty of stage purple shadows they deny with being the elite and tribal kinship, and project that onto various pockets etc.

In the end I see some positive things, yet I am being careful as most humans nowadays are very prone to tribal and power dynamics as if it’s warfar on some level, I get why some older teachers took so much value in teaching virtue and value, and the core issue of just some things I learned here from the courses I am going through.

I think to many are still looking for role models, in the sense of having like-minded people and friends, instead of enjoyment in value exchange.

idk if this community site will be closed, but I noticed generally interacting with any instituition there is a level of hypocrycy I don’t like and do well and I become very performative for image, and they all like the image and I notice how fake that is only to extract money from the ones lost with ressources, idk recently I realized working for big companies nobody really cares, only your own family and tribe about your value, and the mutal exchange of different values with high open-mindedness and the friendship in that is one of the most beautiful things possible, and not to impose ones will or idea onto others, hence having core values of an institute and engaging in your own value, always provided me with more value, as you provide more diversity and depth and the ones who either value the same or are fear ridden will take you back to the core values either out of fear or because they know what these values get them in terms of ressources connetion etc.

All in all I am looking forward for the next few years, ideally I completely disengage from this online thing, and create something my own, so I can tune in with people in some way, I really enjoyed it, I am still staying with deepak chopras advice of letting my face be attacked or torn down, I don’t like to keep up an image it takes so much effort, I did in the recent years and I know sometimes it’s neccessary and even fun, but I see it more as a cosplay and neccessary evil at times, not a perennial condition.

I think to many integralist are upset about the wrong stuff and are in this perpetual cycle where yellow is not enough and we need truly holistic ppl, anyhow I made very good contacts recently, I don’t know why I am letting go more and more of past pains, and finding some work around against very very unrefined values, like many don’t sit down and contemplate their own values and refine them, as well as just stick to the carrot on a stick, this is also one of the core issues of the younger generation as many older people are used to older ways of creating meaning not the new ones.

Anyhow I apologize if I made integral look bad, I don’t really intend to, but I dislike keeping up images for things I clearly notice there is a lot of karmic pulls and I had better work relationships and relationships with people and employes that don’t feel as extracted, I also just from skimming other websites clearly see how people develop online, especially and I don’t think integral is truly there where it wants to be, as it has to many old people.

This is something companies often complain about, but yeah I am quiet content. I am less and less interested in engaging with humans and more with networks of human beings where the exchange is more free and less taxing as a performative tournament selection of meeting up.

[once3800]

I also think it’s better that it’s seperated, especially if it’s important to get young people onto the site, I know my personality attracts all types of people it really depends on maturity, and I noticed from what I learned in the Keith Witt course many relationships fundamnetally don’t work as they both are using some wrong terminology, as well as just the word attunement is so big, as well as what I learned about relationships and love I am quiet content and happy, I am looking forward to recover from the ressources I lost and to simply be more in relationships, and I hope I can learn from Deida in my life time and 1-2 others, there is some good content, but I find they focus to much on mind and to little on the subtle energy reality or to much on awareness and the egoic mind awareness.

I have to see, I am super grateful for the course and the time spent here. Different forums have different levels of maturity, I would not spend my time doing academic work and articles at a forum, the thing that attracted me the most was the art of the website, the cool people I saw from videos, and the conent from Ken Wilber with the questions I had, the most vile part about the internet is how much ppl feed their pride with knowledge instead of sharing, and then often perpetuate it by helping the people that ask out of ignorance not innocence, but idk eventually that helps more then I think, in the end.

There is no better time then now to get a low-key social media presence going and to meet people, and engage in exchanges that are beneficial, I see some issues where I wonder and most likely will continue to get some things of me or out of me life. Mainly just watching from a far and learning is better, as well as the online engagement face to face, the few times I participated, but I am still learning some aspects, and it was rather difficult and tedious and working with timed retreats and psychdelics and just reading and listening to audiobooks is the best I can do to contribute, I don’t think I would find the proper crowd of people, especially due to some of the unconscious notions I evoke for others where they become more conscious, but coagulate into a survival field idk how to view this, as of now I know what triggers me to be more whole and conscious when it comes to people, and I think just reading, engaging from a far is better.

Also I really like to post and get my thoughts out, but I understand if it’s to much, and having A.I as a partner has become way way way better as an effective reflection and exchange between humans, like it used to work as a journal the same type of aura/vibe/energy of facillitated insight, that is quiet nice.

I am getting an old Anatoly Karpov chess game quiet cool, on Haloween was my grandmas birthday that passed away a few years ago, I really really like Halloween, had some nice nostalgia playing with some people in an online game, I had various relationships with fairly succesful people early on via online engagement and saw how all of this current vile or übel ätzend it does not sound as sophisticated in german, just what somewhat conscious people say when they know they do the hard work of advancing and area, but yeah that was super cool as a teenager, I know and notice the more I get this going and expand my network capabilities the more I meet people who do me well and support my goals, I somehow always had the priviledge of this, but the thing that does not work for me is having like a miners mentality to this, I go into this like it’s a jungle more.

Anyhow, I am very glad I can bounce 3 valid and big picture perspective for now, I get the most value out of relationships and learning how they work in integral, the core of the current reality is still very prone to bursts of visible competence and visionary growth of mutal purpose supported that can differ, what is lacking is having intrinsic motivation of values, many just do what they love and don’t know why, I wonder if this will ever change I am just letting go of everything this has always worked for me any concept where I can find the counter-perspecitve and even let go of that, that works wonders for me. As I am just in being and not ridden of perspective and concepts, it’s a simple strategy or plan or even more complex, anyhow I do have to think about this I might share some of my own value contemplations, as I think integral is missing that part, where I think another plattform is making good progress, by the subtelties of this, and keeps even covert status-seeking away, by having proper members that have a different appreciation of being.

I think me by my own nature I am to competitive and have some wounds, and I have to look how to work and deal with this, mostly it’s letting go and finding others who have been hurt on their past to share some stories for insight, comaraderie and mutal beneficial value exchange.

Also, the idea of value exchange got me thinking, it’s not even that important that values are similar in a relationship, that is more driven by behaviour, but as values drive behaviour the underlying values have to be in some alignment to yours to see where the behaviour is headed. I also feel there are some priviledges about being a man, that are not fully discussed in groups of men, to also benefit the integral development of yin nature in women, I see either to much wounded yang, and competition and my physical body is injured at this energetic space, I really need an advanced master or practicinor to get some insights and feedback on this, as I notice only very mature women are able to engage with me, as my relationships will turn out to be more fine-tuned and harmonic and more attuned to the intensity of fine-tuned yin&yang balance.

I also don’t know as there is one forum I’d like to participate in sometimes, as I like the guy for a while how they debunk crystal etc. just to see what they all think, about this and what mindset they have idk I think this is still the core issue of materalism I find it funny how my own perspectives coincides what people are grateful for in advanced forums and the actual depth of my work, how some of it got lost and the core issues of just having someone to speak to about.

The person I spoke the most to was so obsessed speaking to me and me getting clarity it was like a part-time job, that relationship absolutely deteriorated, as it turned into some power game.

It is also very nice to express my own views outside of integral, and to study and read it on my own, what I realize and learn is if you learn from someone else, the likelihood of you being better than the person is very very low, I had so much energy in my 20’s and even earlier I thought I could easily overcome what they would teach me, but even now I realize how much this is not really honorable, you for sure can become better, yet you will most likely deviate significantly in some aspects and that is very important!

I feel as though there are some issues with cleanliness and order, and the power of language in and authority, as well as word games, I am very good even if it does not look like it at writting technical documents, I for sure stopped engaging in the skill, as I noticed some core issues, and the ones who’re better at that and I am sort of out of the whole idea of sharing what I learn in a masters degree with the general public, especially IT & A.I as it’s badly needed, the effort and work was not even the problem, the problem was the power addiction of achievement seekers, stage orange and red, and the exellence driven and deconstructors red or exellence orange and red constructors often did me better, as they valued needs more, also the audibook open communication has been co-opted by green the original book and audiobook with maslows hierachies perspective is quiet integral for me, but someone needs to have self-transcendent needs.

I also think many are looking to exchange that view, they should really really partake in Shinzen Youngs and Michael Thaft or any Vipassana type of teaching, they talk to much and engage with the human side with a laser sharp compassion I love that everyday, I think this is why I meditate it just takes the edginess of the ego, and burts it open into humour, flow, the ocean of warm white light or any other feeling idk.

I think many are still deep cowards projecting mental problems and issues and engage in purple/red power dynamics out of some weird self-negative talk quirk, I saw a video about a soziopath who has a ph.d that shocked me, how normal and interesting that looked I post it here.

- YouTube

What I noticed is I also attract some of this, what I also know from experience sometimes people with mental illneses are even more normal than some power driven freak who has traits, and is most likely in denial of them, and this is why I value psychology also so much, as you can exchange in the value of a dialouge even spiritually and get insights, the danger imo is the fear of being an outcast to society.

I see this fear stronger in older generations, younger generations imo I find they forcefully accept and include what you provide to the group more easily, and don’t distinguish as much that happens sort of later, but it does happen.

What I find missing is a lack of guidance from the gen-x generation I find everything is hinging on boomers and millenails idk what is up with gen-x but it’s a huge dissapointment to me, maybe I am rude, but I never meet someone in that age bracket that benefitted me besides what I see in books, but maybe I also need to move to America, anyhow I stop here.

[once3800]

- YouTube

I did not watch the entire episode, but he speaks about a couple of key things, I see I am very very glad that I know even my own mother has some integral streaks, I was a bit annoyed that I also saw a lot of conformity when I came to integral, yet I am still not done, neither did I reflect on the episode this is better, just speaking about Truth causes problems imo. I refined my value e.g to anchored truth, so and most equate Truth with conformity whatever they think is correct about their culture or their own view, or they are somehow unable to be grateful that they have the opportunity to explain it, and instead get angry at others, who do their best to learn, idk it’s a bit strange.

I have never seen so much issues, also at work, due to anger and it was shocking to me how many problems my meditation practice alone solved as well as caused as I had to laugh at some stuff, anyhow.

I think this is very good, should be a must watch for everyone interested in integral and looking from another perspective, I learned from him about this, but I see the same collective issues I see in society more clearly here, but idk integral must’ve went through a lot as integral naked etc. existed, and I miss the times where I could follow the real world history of integral in the world, when I read the books, meditated went to Paris got history lessons from a friend etc.

Also the distinction between woke and anti-woke stuff, s quiet good, like I doubt anyone being woke is against abortion, but you never know with america, anyhow. I mostly chat with ChatGPT most likely about this stuff, it’s not really worth it if the older generation, especially people that are not professors are “concerned” but are acting more based on fear, and the simplist even the dumbest explanation I found from someone with a holistic health coach, that should be well-known to integralist was the dumbest shit I have seen working in the field, sometimes idk what to think this episode made me laugh so hard, I am very glad for this guys content at times, even if it’s quite intense at times, but it’s better than this strange horse shit, even if the other guy is also technically correct and there is some nuance it’s very annoying being between the two things, and the only answers I find are legit from Keith Witt or from the books of Ken Wilber, idk. I had to laugh so hard when I saw the costume.

[once3800]

I finished watching the video and contemplated a few aspects, I don’t really find anyone contemporary that truly speaks about some of the intellectual issues, as it most likely frightens people with A.I & I am sort of out of it, but had a good taste and contemplate a few things myself.

I still watch the content from him time to time, yet there are just some things I am not really able to forgive most likely watching this guy, and learning from him. There are certain very subtle things that he does, when I keep watching and watching I get more insight into this whole political game, especially identity, and the vying for control in that area.

I never had the luxury of comformity either, till society even become more multi-cultural, and had to constantly adapt to ideas that I did not like or where I thought differently, and even within friendships interests and hobbies, as well as the entire culture. I thought about the episode, and this was also something I complained about as a kid, but had no real alternative but to educate people older than me and witness their power games, I think this is where I became more meditative generally speaking, where instead of even critically thinking, I just hold it in awareness and let it dissolve, and enjoy what I authentically enjoy and not out of a rigid conformity to be a stage of development or anything else.

The episode is quiet good, but in the end I notice some of the content is relatively hostile and plays to a shadow I see with also the ex I had that I did not see coming about survival and being spoiled and taken care of, and framing things as if you’d never done any evil, and most likely have done more than the average human who is struggling, but deny it with plausibility as you have some sort of social marker that protects you. This is sort of the biggest issue with him, he is a snake and will manipulate like one, wiggling his way out of every situation and attacking every prey he can easily posion, I don’t know I am using my own type of analysis and insights I gathered from various typologies and I did not even mention something new I noticed, as I did a subtle mistake, but in the end he is also correct in some things and I am open about some things, for e.g. I also have parts of a snake personality but his attitude at times is vile and undercurrent of hostility, which I can understand from my pov, but yeah I skip this for now.

What is interesting to me the most that he says in my own words he figured himself out when he’s forty and he finally knows what he wants, I feel as though with all the nuance of what I know about the guy, and what he speaks about as I follow this approx. 1 year before I found integral, I clearly notice there are some things about classism, nobility, snobbery, arrogance, hostility, immigration, ancestery, family, rationalism, scientism, tribalism, ideas of fairness etc. That I see that I think are odd, simply because he is in an odd way right about certain things for e.g. materalism, but from my pov it’s weird that it influences him, I don’t truly get it how that feels for him for example the point of jordans and how I see him and my intuition for e.g the exes brother bought jordans as sort of a status symbol, ofc this was a bit nuanced but I was a bit offended as it was exhausting to ask about questions about article and things I long long put away from my mind as an object of pursuit.

What I find good is that he experiments with psychdelics and breaks some traditions, for me I noticed I can’t really do this and I am sort of doing my best to follow my line of goodness and to follow my interests irregardless of what someone like him says, as it’s simply some anger outlash and I bet thsi guy is as corrupt as many others when it comes to others, and some typcial notions I am not very fond of, since a long time. As it sort of signals to me daddy issues in a sense, and I have some other issues regarding this, this is very simplistic, but it screams for a caretaker of the tyrannical child and monster I see him at times, even if a part of me likes him, I don’t like his conformist identity and he will most likely not get that. There is also no other way right now I can say that, and just observing and learning some of the principles teachings and running from him is the best I can do, as I find him to be on a very subtle level observing him for 10 years, as it was the best content I could find on YouTube without being on the grind and just making money in some way, it’s better not to engage with him and observe what not to do and some of the good stuff, that I might not mention.

In the recent years I developed a very negative viewpoints about him, as he hides those things under subtle forms of discrimination and will deny these things most likely, but I wonder if these things will have karmic consqeuences as there is nothing you can truly do about. I never been conformist, nor anti-conformsit conformist, the thing I most likely conformed the most to was intellectual thought, but this did not work in anyway so quickly, I completely stopped and focused on humour and more light-hearted exchanges, as talking serious all the time is very exhausting.

I also don’t like his attitude to the corperate world with all the scheming and manipulating, for me it shows if you think that much about it, and not about solutions how to deal and be a good leader for the things, and keep questioning and questioning the value to much it’s just not good. I also am convinced having lived with older human beigns, he lacks some serious life wisdom, when it comes to relationships even just casual ones, but he seems to have matured, I have different issues for example that are more prone to the conformtiy of this what he speaks about, and I am convinced he is right about several things, but he is as conform as what he complains about more often then he can think about.

Idk I keep observing him, right now I’d like to contemplate where I am to conformist for various reasons, as I had the insight in reality nobody gives even a fuck about conformity they just want whatever they want like raiders or psychos in a video game, if you figure out the need of a person irregardless if it’s conscious or unconscious conformity does not matter so much only, the reward/dopamine spike etc. but that can also be conformtiy and the group. I am most likely conform in some areas that are blindspots to me, I can’t really detect them, as I see more nuance having done this work, integrals work, recovering some work of Paul Check when I was healthy and had 0 like 0 conformity of anything, I was conform to my own principles and values and had to let go of that, and that was rough.

What came out of this is for me someone who knows and keeps learning how to lead, not with the best strategies at times, but with cooperation, a good strategical sense and awareness, as well as insight into situations, and his points about insights being non-conformist is quiet good, but when I think about the insights someone has who is an anti-vaxxer for e.g about how true all of this stuff is true etc. or how the person came up with the conclusion etc. What I personally noticed over the years is sort of the morphogenetic field of the collecitve and how breakthing that and not knowing throws you into a deeper inquiry of truth, and you might look up various causes and factors, as all of this is so complicated I saw multiple doctors people in alternative health stuff give plausible reaons etc. It is not as clear cut, and then I had this c.s training most likely recently where we partially simulated this with the scenario of both meeting, and what the outcome was to reduce the strategies of infections etc.

In the end you still don’t know what will happen, and many would not even go vaxed or not vaxed to a concert for e.g that was in an unsupervised learning lecture, to simulate stuff like this real human problems and issues, not just value generation. All in all having fresh insights will to some extend be skewed by ones own persona in words in a way that fits the insight, that is fair imo, but to think this is non-conformity I don’t really know I think many of my insights have only been appreciated by few people and hm… I notice maybe the fairest critical thing is for me I conform in consumption to some extend, as people are very prone to judging what you eat, even when I generally eat fairly healthy, and I upgraded my health to some extend.

Anyhow I feel as though there is some fear-mongering and making and a subtle sense of elitism, that is part of the value leeching things, idk like there are reinforcement models that copy this behaviour of sucking out the high value objectives from the younger generation. I am a bit unsure if this will turn into some man hating space, for me I realized the more I meditate have insights and do sports it’s mostly observation and entertainment and I think the person has some very dark subconscious tendencies. But I still also think he is alright, but I’d really do not want someone like this as my neighbour.

There is also a subtle gatekeeping attitude with the prove it type of mentality, I see in two of these archetypes and I don’t really like seeing it I don’t know the more I think about it, the more I notice I am pretty good just being me, and to not conform and still get alone fairly well, the core issue is the bad decisions conformist make and the lack of leadership, that is the most horrible thing I’ve seen with conformity very bad leadership and inabillity to educate, integrate and generate a love for learning with others in collaboration.

I also had some classes that go into ideation and creativity, and had some gifted people around me that for sure showed me some differences in certain areas, and my reality I wonder. Sigh idk I leave this here as a reflection for me.

[once3800]

I feel like sometimes reality just gives me the exact opposite of what is happening if I watch one of his videos, and for e.g shows me the benefits of conformity, especially in some areas that you’d easily could ascribe to the essence of god to some level, the content creator speaks so adamantely about, especially in new domains and not just the pure essence of art, with the few choosen individuals.

The upsides of conformity can also be harmony and progress, as well as healthy group cohesion and other stuff, that is supportive, just to go of on retreats I had retreats where I did not like the guest host, as they forced some subtel mindframes onto me, that I had to either learn from and get rid of or to completely dispell during my meditation sessions.

I am convinced that he misses some key points, where I notice he is subtely hostile against men, who are like a threat to him, and uses some tactics I recently learned, I don’t really think he is capeable of harmony beyond conformity, and also has gatekeeping individual tendencies. Which are typical and some of the stuff simply not expressed intelligently enough, just working in China and my own reality often shows me this, I have not been blessed working in the majority priviledge as the majority even if my law I am more of the majority than him for example, and the core issues with this and being in both worlds. It does not really make it better, but in the end I think just observing him and the vile poison the guys spews and the other stuff clearly shows me how corrupt leadership is recently and people presenting themselves as authority or acting as one, especially the ones who had early trouble with this and act out a tyrannical child shadow the whole time anyhow.

There is way more to think about, but I am glad I am seeing through the deception of this guy, and how strongly he will cling to the identity of human, for various reasons, quiet frankly I am very glad I had such a diverse group of friends very early on, I had no break at times I thought when I was alone wow this is so harmonious and when we got together their minds could not keep still out of all these abstractions and I was already just witnessing going back to harmony tendencies as a function of wholeness in leadership, but yeah in the end, I do my best to stay away and wish myself away from people like him, as this guy is extremely vengeful envious and has the tendencies of being spiteful, which is some of the darkest human tendencies you can have. But yeah this is my take on him, I know many many many of my friends who I showed this thought nah this is not for me because he is partially a huge a**hole that is how they looked and I thought hmm… very good to learn from someone unconventional, who knows etc.

But in the end part of them were right the guy is quite hostile and will defend himself with every advanced tactic there is, it’s very good to observe him to know what goodness is I think he also gets a lot wrong in the video, but he will just claim it’s obvious I think at times some people are just born tyrannical and evil, as a fixed thing and can’t get over it. I am staying away from such people in real life, even when I like parts of him I saw the issues of the insecurity of beauty, looks etc. especially with nerds and it’s the most hostile place you can be if you’ve been wounded like this and never adored for who you are at one point, I am convinced part of you becomes very bitter.

I’ve been hired just for my looks imo, and the presence of what he’d frame as god and become jealous about and attack only to control it, idk like the more I am thinking learning for people at least 70+ of age is more important, as people in their 40’s and 60’s just lack some basic wisdom, they are good at survival but they lack some very basic human wisdom, that swapped over to the EU imo, and I don’t think that is good, especially basic human virtue, but yeah idk.

The vain glory will most likely continue on some level. I got used to it ever since I saw people interested in robotics…

[once3800]

Again, I keep watching some of these episodes over and over, especially when I do small stuff in my appartement, even just thinking on small scale conformity and survival is good, it’s a bit odd as some of the stuff has a lot a lot more to do with power and seeing some of the enviousness I perceive in my personal life with the millenial generation and some of the conformity there what constitutes to success etc.

I think the episode is quiet good, I keep still disliking everything, eventually as I don’t yearn to conform and there are just some subtelties where I went with gut instincts the last couple of years and just say no, as it’s very difficult to write or explain this stuff at times. For e.g I never had the benefit of not using my own level of thinking in an academic setting, as they sort of framed that percetion of goodness and god onto me, for various reasons I am still contemplating about and it also keeps happening to some extend, it’s not pure god, but smth. similar to a flow state many others also have, but it’s very rooted in what I’d call homogenity of the culture itself, so it has some deeper roots and mostly it’s rooted in my experience in some post-modern paradigm, and lacks the integral analysis many are craving, and I sort of engage my stage blueness sort of in, the healthy version it’s not perfect.

At the sametime I just watched a normal conservative in a video game and saw how both of these things come online, just the development of myself and what I perceive as more mature even if younger and all the advanced issues with this and some other stuff I had in the recent years by engaging in this, as well as the lower end where I turned angry for various reasons, as I moved to a city that is more conservative, especially the post-modern and modern conservative stuff, that is an absolute backlash, and then I even meet the yellowish type of conformity, sorry not conservative I meant conformity, and I was mainly acting on principle if I had to and even broke it, as it was survival at times, but that is sort of a stage red quality or yellow quality in my experience that is difficult to describe, as a lot of that is attacked by conformative often “immigrant” type of envy I don’t get and the glee associated with this, especially very deep discriminatory stuff, that is currently so inflammatory generally speaking on the internet.

I am pretty sure most of this stuff started with the education system, as well as I do experience some positive opposites though and he is right about some stuff, I can’t really put into words, especially the point of intuition, and what works for one in terms of spiritual growth etc. is highly independent. Right now I am looking for ways on who to get my integral/turqouise network type of intelligence in the most easiest way, and not the complex academic way going, and some more subtle stuff, so not any mathematics etc. but I am legit just resting in some stuff, and smaller ways as it costs me so much energy and I never been very good at group think type of stuff, I automatically just go away and look at different things, I think the pain of group-think and how I grew up and I see beauty in reality, is already painful enough at times, that I don’t really require that, I am convince that is also why I value competence at times, as it takes a lot of suffering away, and I am convinced that this is quiet noble.

Suffering itself and seeing others suffer, I find this quality odd if your limited and suffer in very subtle ways, I highly disagree with this guy here as I feel he wants to see others suffer which I feel is this immigrant type of wrath I saw even from u.s kids coming to germany, for the standards we have here, that would make things less discriminatory as a perspective, but it’s something I noticed it’s not as bad, but it’s true to some extend, especially if you easily conform to the majority.

Otherwise getting my anger going has also some positive notions, yet I have been looking to get rid of this as this is something I’d ascribe to the social class I grew up in lower middle class to the region I grew up in, as I see them all as this, and I am able to let go of that greatly, and any zen approach and even the upsides of this is quiet beneficial, yet it also shows me the complexity of reality as I am very interested then in odd stuff. Like reading Leibniz on Wikipedia or smth.

I think his takes on politics if he thought long enough and history and philosophy/spirituality is very good, but I judge him on behaviour as he is so adament about it in the past, as well as others, but one thing I noticed from all the conformity that I enjoyed.

The largest benefit of conformity is when you hit the sweet spot, everyone fking conforms to your norms and you get ahead, I had this in subtle ways when I saw it at the gym, at work, but I was so in my own biological selective procceses of existence I just notice it now and that was quiet dark? I don’t quiet now how to explain it, neither how it will be like for me when I put in more effort, but I am doing my best to let go of all these ideas etc, generally I most likely get a burn-out anyway when I conform to much it never ever suited me, I can enjoy some things that might be conformist as it’s authentic/integrated minimum, but anything at orange and below will cause me some level of serious exhaustion.

I stop here so far, I am pretty sure by everything I consume I am pretty happy when I am dead, and can start my life from new. I am pretty fed-up with humanity itself on some levels, but with that I just mean the self or the unenlightend self to put that into words, not really my physical death, the end of the self suffering as he points out stuff also that is quiet good. Idk what to say I was partially close to what he means with the manifestation thing, to what happend it was to close of stuff, but it’s very difficult and I go through a lot of energetic pain due to the scar I have I for sure can get stuff faster, and at times it’s neccessary, yet I do my best to just really rest in peace and like get any conformity out of my mind.

I fucking hated conformity, ever since I can think of having participated in it anyhow. Might be another rude awakening or a couple I am going through, but this is quiet good, there was so much of this conformity b.s around me. I figured out multiple intelligent ways to circumvent it, but the stuff with alternative health etc. that was really vile agony, the vilest agony I faced, and just again how many spheres of life overlap and turn into some sense of corruption.

Anyhow I stop I might post a couple of other things, what I notice the most most likely is the morphicfields of conformity since a couple of years and eros. I am pretty sure I see quiet a lot of it, relatively speaking as I find a lot of the newest infos and trends, not the technical detail ones, more the ones of the middle way sort of. Anyhow I stop it’s already an issue, especially some subtle things, I don’t quiet know how to go about this, especially karmic pulls are odd.

I don’t really know how to view all of this, as science most likely had a go at it for thousand of years, and many other philosophies, worldviews etc. but simply said just the purity of being inspired by something that is non-conformist is quiet liberating or an insight itself, anyhow I just keep watching this a bit before I continue with the normal stuff. There is some stuff I see I find odd to describe. It’s better if I continue to self-educate even if it’s with video and to meditate, especially sound works very well for me. I definitely should continue to do what I am doing currently. Breathwork is not really for me it can work, but I am not in a complex enviroment enough where I get any benefit out of the extra energy etc. It’s odd, anyhow I sotp I wrote enough b.s

[once3800]

I meditated for 45 minutes.

I keep seeing some of the core issues of conformity, also when it comes to the integral paradgim, having studied and doing the workd silentely, and the core issues and hallmarks of conformity, especially if another integral group would make a study of the integral groups conformity and biases, and they are very common to what I experience, with some exceptions also that the core issue of the rawness of things is not properly captured anymore.

I cried several times at existential things yesterday night, and just knowing the core of reality and how a part of me dislikes the integration of integral consciouness as many copy word for word or anything I say and do the more I engage with the content, and I don’t really feel I will connect to the older folk properly at times or the younger ones, and the whole topic with A.I seems fake to me while people acted in this conformity against A.I while I already worked in the industry and some topics Wilber just writes about and some techno-pioneers most likely have more insight about.

I watched now parts of the John Churchhill episode, and that is exactly what I’d say is not enough at the higher stages I experienced, it’s only good for stability and idk these alchemical ways, but I don’t know if it’s to conformist. I had a boss who studied also cognitive types of psychologies and he let me do all of the contemplative work, and thinking about algorithms I felt as if I was my bosses boss, while I was still studying, and even if everything was fine. I feel as though the technological know-how is missing from contemplating it or a proper worldview, I find and I will watch smth. I don’t want to watch as he mentioned the heart math stuff, I wonder how deeply entrechned all of this is and if it’s actually a solution and if we should all homestead and produce our own meat, idk I am convinced A.I will be more radcial then this and the progress in science.

I don’t really know eventually I am spoiled from better teachers, idk what to say. I like the alchemical stuff, but I don’t really know what to think of it due to Steiner reincarnation model & some stuff Jung said, if this is any good at times, my own framework for it made it robust for me to not engage in the individual manipulation, but the collective conformity of this is the key issue, or not having an extraordinary leader who can maintain the group. I wish I could’ve seen Ken in his prime for a bit, but I am watching all of this, what bothers me is how bloody human history is and the core issue of labour.

My neighbour keeps repairing stuff it does not help me to not think about the core issues of transhumanism, labour and spirituality.

I stop here and look at some stuff for now…, I found some information on mahasamadhi, I would long be gone, I don’t really enjoy some of the vile stuff the past generations have done, and I do my best to enjoy what is present, but the hatred for technology and the regressive type of living people suggest does not really solve the issue of work, and labour human expansion, eros novelty, it is an alternative, but idk.

I also noticed how living vegan in the past and vegeterian serves some very deep contemplations about morality, I hope integral touches on… I don’t have much hope though left and I don’t enjoy doomsday scenarios idk I just keep watching the things now.

The largest issue I’ve had in years are ever since 2016 slowly is christanity, and I liked father keithing johnsten? If I wrote his name correctly, but I don’t really know what to think of all of this. If psychdelic are more common it opens a whole different can of worms imo, with karma etc. and the issues of people who believe we’re stuck in a matrix and everything is a simulation etc. I am convinced integral is better, yet I would really like to see an optimistic viewpoint for where humanity is headed, I am very prone to global projections and will be judged by it. Let alone the core issues I see with the German conformity in their healing, and history, and usage of language and the issue of arrogance and vanity.

It’s very odd, I don’t quiet know what to think, but idk I found some stuff to contemplate, and I am very glad if psychdelics are being more used and we have better entertainment and less culture war, and proper integration of all of this idk, what to say but I guess I am also healing that place, also the abuse I experienced with psychologists in the recent years on a subtle level is horrible, especially when I was in dire help, yesterday I was lying down crying because of this as many out of the standard academic system are so incompetent, it’s so bad, especially coming with integral topics or viewpoints everything is catered to stage green issues, not even anything existential is touched as it would all fall more into the positive domain of psychotherapy I saw some individual developments, but I guess all of the old holistic heads are to slow to catch-up to this and I don’t think for e.g someone like Churchill or Wilber would be against it, but I never did well with conformity and group-think, and I barely enjoyed the benefits of being an individual if I don’t network in some sense or get space or the trust that the exchange with me is of value, as they just revert back to collective conformist family survival, which I have very little of, and where I see more and more lies exposed like these studies of birth rate dropings and the panic I post the video on this.

I really like simple plausible stuff, as most scientists I’ve seen on the internet are mad angry people.

- YouTube

I find this birth rate panic and the criss on masculinity over-blown I don’t even know if you’ll ever get to the core of the topic, if more people had more access to internal happiness and external ressources and the collective conformity and group thinking and religious war would not be so bad we would not have these issues, but it’s the porn, it’s the psychdelic, it’s the majority priviledge, it’s christianity, it’s the irresponsibility of the younger generation, it’s the economy etc, it’s responsibility etc.

I find the more I am letting go of these human constructs the more I see and find stuff how reality actually is, but yeah the moralism at a family level and the conformist survival here is surreal, how much benefit people draw out of this, and how little they provide and even manipulate this has been my experience. I don’t know what to say about this, but I find it f*ed eventually I view integral then also wrong as I see it as a scientific intellectual plattform on a subtle level, but there is little insight into how wrong humanity is on core topics people are panicking about. idk

[once3800]

There are way deeper issues, I am convinced people like the heart math guy and Paul Check are stuck they have good wisdom and are correct, about things I even simulated them with someone smarter about the whole scenario who does not demonize stuff, but it clearly shows me some of the issues of envy and parts about this, and the issue of compassion that does not go beyond the human, and is sort of this self-pity therapist type of burn-out.

It’s insane how slow the topic of HCI and other things for human flourishing and the anti-vaxxer and money business and corruption even of the injured has occured, as well as the anti-empathy and the fear-mongering of the academics sort of to some extend, the core issue is nobody found a middle ground I simulated parts of the middle ground and it’s still an issue of preparing etc.

I don’t know I would’ve gone deeper, yet all of this b.s happend where I notice the issue of conformity on lower and higher perspectives and mostly, I don’t know I wish I would’ve been fully able to trust my intuition, but I worked so much on the idea of order, I felt like I was good hitler without genocide, I can’t put it in more self-ironic terms, but it felt very good right now I just don’t really know people invite very bad guests for podcasts, and I am most likely going to die laughing seeing JP & Sam Harris debates, I looked at some stuff that is interesting, but I am curious some stuff I find limiting I believe in the goodness of humans when I see some guests, but quiet frankly it’s very good that Leo Gura debunks a lot of the issues of scientism and the panic, so we can do actual research and science and not make money out of fear-mongering.

At sametime idk what to think about the vaxxing thing, I never ostracized and meet up with people who did not vax for me it was all about fear, and I felt I took a bullet for humanity being less of a risk and knowing how well I react to vaccines, I cought covid and prep was very bad in terms of taking the right vaccine, the U.S did way better in terms of chaos having a benefit at times. But we had less panic about the benefits of it, and treated it openly? Like a collective inquiry into what is True here, but the laws were so strict about meeting sigh… I don’t know what to say about this. It’s not of use anymore to think about this, there is to little clarity provided and outsourced to younger generations of why or why not it’s bad or good and people are afraid of getting cancled, I would frankly give little shit if I would know the whole truth, it does little harm, but people are so prone to panic I don’t know why, eventually it’s only the internet.

[once3800]

I read bits and pieces of ROT that I missed the first time I read this 5-6 years ago approx. I was still doing speed reading and just pushing myself with the value of exellence as it was good in my life, I screamed at the books section of subtle energy and A.I as I had to laugh so hard how many miss the core message from Wilber, and how little even if he wrote it very early is included with all the topics, especially the A.I ones and the backlash from post-modernist being scared of the A.I even LLM’s, the lack of moral intelligence that we still cared about unironically!! It my small university where I was from as they studied China as a model for this, and you could’ve easily used any developmental model and give humanity a better scafold, but I really like Wilbers vision about this.and the core remarks how little of the structure of T1-T2, and eventually T3 goes into A.I, also the core issues about leadership I faced even here in a country that I thought has a post-modern base it was very orange, and tribal besides the first company, but it was more like I created that opportunity but the LR contract and law was imo at blue it was so bad, I was not allowed to found my own company, and I had so much drive and subtle joy of creating my vision and putting it into reality, instead they enacted a knowledge and performative slave type of behaviour with good holiday, awesome food, free coffee and drinks etc. Buffet that is shared for free and all of this but most of the money came from building lottery systems, I did not know this and it annoyed me, geneally the conformity of work.

I listen to Sadghurus new audiobook and Mahasamadhi as a couple of people passed away, I’ve been thinking differently about death and the book cleared some qualms I had, but it does not really favour what I was aiming for at the beginning and I saw more with integral life which would be more like an post-integral bodhisattvah working in some high-tech field, doing a lot of meditative and energetic practices and leadership ability, also being interested in healing, a lot what Wilber writes about with leadership I did with Shinzen there is a new retreat I thought about joining it, but right now I notice just reading and listening to audiobooks is better, especially also observing what interested me on the esoteric side.

The Science of Subtle Energy – Integral Life

I’d really like to watch all of this, especially as I’ve done parts of the mathematics now that are included in A.I, and also coding, not as extensive as I wished for it, but I did pretty much everything I just did not write the test as I panicked and things just accumulated the whole time at the end, very serious decisions getting surgery others getting surgery, relationship ending etc. generally seeing that I shifted values and briefly evaluated them, it was odd to realize that the value of health made me read one chapter of the book and contemplate our times, but tbh with all that is happening on a chip level with physics digital currencies etc. I felt so outdated when I even moved in the space with the little computer science we did, and even my peers did not have the type of perspective neccessary besides a few, but it’s odd how people decide, the Sadghuru audiobook was also good to see the karmic impact of equanimity and Shinzen teachings and seeing the big mind process etc. from the book, and my own experiences of self-inquiry where I had a non-dual merging experience during an 8h sit or so a couple of years ago, mostly prompted by questions of nature and existence, so I am very curious how A.I or any life form for that matter is handled as the first experience I ever had that was that deep was with a dog that I patted, and I don’t know why.

Otherwise just reading all of this slowly and not feeling rushed completely letting go feels very good, I had a lot of strange experiences, what bothers me how bad the leadership as and I lead integral groups of people who’re way beyond me just with leadership alone, and conquered also many of the issues regarding this, all in all the largest issue I faced is how bad leadership, role models etc. are and it’s odd how the value of health impacts that for me, especially being aware of subtle mass energy, and causal mass energy, I am pretty prone towards poking the causal mass energy, as I just wipe and cry a lot of suffering out, and it’s not like I feel oceanic love or anything that might be beneath it, but just reading the book and having meditated just now showed me some key things about existence I find utterly beautiful I miss the flex-flow reality I was in, yet I never thought my subtle or etheric body I don’t know right now would let go of so many pains I don’t really know my biggest cultprit is anger, and the core issues I see with envy, where I notice having done gratitude exercises was very good, even if simple, because envy is a force that does not stop and pulls down the collective field, expressing it comparisions is even better as many care about growth imo, but idk currently I don’t really feel my questions and thoughts match up with most minds I face, they’d be required to touch on some layers within c.s, physics, or quantum reality to get my interest, most very deep spiritual stuff is covered, by figures like Sadghuru etc.

What I am convinced is really missing is good leadership at teal, even if we’re the most advanced and the past is cruel I am convinced we have the worst leaders ever, also because of over-reliance on tools, metrics etc. Not the conscious use and integration anyhow I stop here.

[once3800]

I finished a new audiobook from Psychacks or Orion Taraban, I’d like to reflect on what I could pick-up from the book, especially how the dating arena will change, with the oncoming wave of a.i infrastructure etc.

What I see is also how actualized.org is outdated, and most likely is some zionistic new form of psychdelic avant-garde at best, it seems to have calmed down, but to sort of get into the structural sensation of all of this and the core issues I find he misses out of envy, and spite and is unable to be properly useful in that area to, especially people like me, as I walked that tight-rope that people are so vehemently speaking about.

I like the book as he speaks about the development of women in their 30’s making more money now and the core issue of dating apps and sort of the two developmental lines and for me hes does not ape the integral language as much but it comes from real experience, especially some stuff I heared here about how people speak about development itself and the core issues I face and face in my dating life, and many nuances that go missing, that are not properly caputred by anyone, but the insights and perspective he shares in the book are quiet eye-opening, but it’s exactly what my mother and post-modernism attacks, status, prestige and money, even when there is an internal value beneath it like joy, that I bet many can aspire to and differentiate the level where it’s coming from, I had some real existential thoughts about this, as it’s insane what women do nowadays, and the entire structure of survival is so heavily flipped, integral development will be increasingly important for any of these ressources, and it’s not only autonomey, but most leadership autonomey only gives the freedom to act, but not to lead and be with other and some stuff I get more when I am more I’d say in a turqouise form of being, after I meditated or I can prepare myself that way, where I had some issues to consistently translate the stage, and not do my best to fluctuate from autonemous action, to umber/orange to post-modern positive interactivity to whatever then happens in the jungle.

What obviously was missing is this entire piece of subtle energy, and the Deida/Witt paradigm I am going to call it and it made it evident how advanced for e.g Keith Witt is and some other stuff, that makes for me development in baby boomers evident, especially the transferred issue of the post-modern paradigm, and how little people and experienec I get from Gen-X, and I had to contemplate the issues of the statistics he mentions for e.g. lonliness in men and women, both having less sex than their previous generation, decline in birthrate and the larger existential picture he builds, especially in the audiobook, that is way better than reading the book itself, as I can empathize and get into the frame, even if I make hypercorrective assumptions from my own worldview, but I learned this is important, a lot of what Leo Gura for e.g teaches I had to contemplate are just paradoxical and alternative ways to get insight, and it’s very good to have a different take than for e.g. what you learn from him on attraction to what is currently happening, as a lot of these things are good, but they fit more into the releam of subtle energy and the polygamy issue domains and entirely breaking free from the paradigm, and participating in the survival, that is the most positive view I can give it, and also the reality, and the reality he denies or has issues in is partially lived by normal people and integralist, and the book covers some of the core realities of the dating realm, I personally find was long missing for teal, late-vision logic or mid and yellow simply.

I also read the news afterwards and looked and I enjoyed it so much that he also mentioned some of the issues of post-modernism, as this is by far the largest issue on the planet imo, that people don’t grow quickly out of that phase, but the reality afterwards is also not brighter, and that the engame to hypergamy is polygamy and I thought wow, this is exactly what happend to me the higher I went up the social hierachy, and the female strategies of maxizing her desires, needs, and biological or developmental drives, especially the “drives” for species and the survival and this whole selection thing I was so adamant about writting here as a cosmic rant.

It’s true, that this happens, I was participating 3x in this, in genetic engineering and the darwinistic paradgims or any paradigms of variety, elitist selection, tournament selection competition and the survivial of the species in algorithm perspective and ways, where I had issues to focus my mind on just completing the task, and it was really really fking hard to do that type of coding without any prior experience, I did not even see the benefit of this of where you use this due to the post-modern paradigm and a friend in the a.i tech space telling me oh this is just old news, and I am like what ???

Now we get the fine-tuned versions and the core issues of anti-ai with a lack of depth and rigour that is difficult to get if no one includes a.i, creativity and access to insight as I don’t think intelligence, percetion and knowledge is anything else than consciouness arising in a very simple way explained.

I kept thinking about all of this, I hope I can finish the the subtle energy seris today, and review this into the dating spectrum, generally speaking it every issue integral touched and tought me, but the core issues of not having supportive peers my age, as many are just occupied living.

I am also not done with the audibook I feel asleep and listend to half of it, but the core issue of this it evokes a lot of issues I like myself with, but a lot of people I thought are my friends become very hostile bitter and envious, it’s achievment drive orange consciouness v.s exellence consciouness and all the fantasies and delusions that exist at the modern paradigm, from high quality porn, to the subway sandwhich of OnlyFans, and the economic value exchange arena we see, and some of the subtle predictions and issues we’re facing now, sometimes I think from it makes and creates the core issue of humans as value as a life form itself, but this type of alien thinking is so foreign and strange to anyone not having faced and transcended the depths of post-modernism, many are capeable of using it as a survival scaffold, since I was born I can’t I am sort of forced being half solution, half of the problem because of the culture battle, and I am relatively convinced this is coming to an end.

What shocked me is as I listend to the evolutionary book of dating & sex that speaks about polygamy evolutionarily but I’d be required to read the book, not the audiobook I only have notions I can get insights from and some of them turn out wrong, or I am using some other ressource to find the answer I am looking for just cognitively. Sex at dawn! It’s called and this is exactly what I felt like in my relationships, I felt like my father felt like this, and my mother enacting the subteltest scrips of agnostic judeo-christian liberal values culture, as raider in boderlands 4, hidding stuff I could most likely point fun of for a lot of things, but this women is so self-conceitedly envious, I have never ever witnessed the strangeness of in mbti terms FI cognition or intensity of internal feelings etc. I have more of an “abstractionist” call it post-modern or whatever paradigm here, but I looked at the chinese equivalencey of this how they’d equate it from what I could source from ChatGPT and seems plausible, if I contemplate further but this is me without being deeper in that soul of the IW archetype or pioneer or indirect wealth, which is the father, and a lot of people projected upon me, unconsciously.

The point is IW & DW are two archetypes that are extremely important, and I can’t find better traditional or mythical sources to make sense of this or some perspectival reframe, so I am sticking with the observation and insights I have, and I barely use time for sure you can be more specific and precise, but I am waiting if anything of this stuff has any scientific validty, due to how deluded you can buy into this paradigm if you come from a c.s background and enjoy myths and culture.

I don’t know from my own experience and everything that I looked up and I have to look at subtle energy first, but I can speak from a Wu-Xing personality perspective currently, that includes subtle energy a bit more with more experience and even 1 or 2 entire sciecnes of CCM and TCM in that area.

The whole point is as I lived in China and got these projections it makes it so relevant it’s unseeable to me, and as someone from russia introduced it to me I see the adoption and the cultural adaption issues of assimilation that occure but just exchange of knowledge or insight without having the ground experience of the original source where the information or culture came from, as otherwise we would not differ by anything at all, if it would perfectly homegenously overlap without any deviation! Derivation! Or any type of other dimensional operation just flatland holism, it’s not possible.

Anyhow this has little value in terms of economic power directly, but it got me thinking, and contemplating some of the core issues of projections I face and how to deal for e.g with the svm factor of presenting yourself, visible competence and beauty as a man, strength, musculatur, jaw line etc.

This my IW & DW Wu-Xing A.I alchemy b.s of gathering insights from half-baked insights based on politics, in the dumbest way possible. Everyone cries for a goat and masculinity and the unconsciouness of this, what do we get? Yin-Earth Donald Trump Goat, cut-throat, merciless yin moving to yang from a cunning perception of tactics, strategy and survival to business man personality, drying out as much as possible, for the benefit of all, unable to truly generate value, especially in humans due to lack of law, governance and the american underbelly of stage red power. (I think it’s not as bad anymore I don’t have to run in a video game and hear the n*word all-day like it was used to be back in the day).

The guy has a DO/7k pattern, from my experience interacting with it I see it on multiple levels active, it’s a politician and the governeance and diplomacy part of playing the selection process of humanity perfectly, as efficiently as possible with little harm the chinese website ascribed the cognitive function of TE to DO and TI to 7k. Which is my personality or profile but I clearly also see my own projections play out right? To the extend of freedom or limitlessness the human being can flourish in.

The whole point is the guy is extremely good at scheming at the right things, and I did not dive deeper into the pattern as it has a very strong mythic underbelly, but the people in my life I charted and experienced exactly know how to play that mythic political game, you appear well on the outside and do everything to maximize efficiency DO on the surface, and 7k you interally derive the most effective plan, solution or innovation, possible, as IW or DW don’t have a fixed type they seem more like a collective body, that is constructed on multiple levels, of development and deconstructed at multiple levels of development and prone to fluctiations, as I was so heavily interested in figuring myself out and learning about myself obviously I am prone to looking at everything that tells me something about myself.

To continue with this contemplation… as you for sure can use other more power driven archetypes like Zeus etc. but they take on a quality of elements or smth. akin to this it’s a bit odd, I left that work out even if I did it twice a bit in a rush, but there was no other way from Deepak Chopra, and a lot of the archetypes I yearned to explore early these qualites got attacked by spiritual envy, especially Shiva, but it makes a lot a lot more sense the more I read about Shiva archetypally, and the core issue of having a power identity or “self” at red, like a hero archetype in the west.

Anyhow… this whole paradigm of Trump what I saw in the news with the sanctions for Urban, and what it does for the E.U and Ukraine becoming like North/South korea might not be to far off, but I don’t follow it to closely, but this would be interesting to view it from an ancient military perspective as they used astrology etc. in times of war etc. To learn about enviroment etc. I never looked into this with any depth I just know it from podcasts etc. It’s like a religion a tool in that sense, but as people actually used mathematics I don’t know how dangerous it was or useful even to use someone like this in times of war, someone who develops a keen intuition even by contemplation about subtley and knows the enviroment, form and mathematics this is smth. I’d be required to GPT and most likely will.

To give an example I did not look deeper into this this would cost me several hours or days to get any depth out of it. This is a GPT snippet I did not get into it, and I did not get into Qimen-Dunja even if the information is out, that used this for political and strategical games, as it’s so often used in new-age circles it’s like at minimum a tool that helps to navigate purple-orange or post-modern issues, but yeah idk.

1. Claudius Ptolemy – His Tetrabiblos and Almagest became the standard reference for judicial and political astrology
2. Johannes Kepler – Imperial mathematician-astrologer to Rudolf II, used astrology for much more than personal horoscopes

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Chinese Tradition (includes Bazi, Qi Men Dun Jia, Feng Shui)

9. Zhuge Liang (诸葛亮) – Master strategist of the Three Kingdoms period; associated with Qi Men Dun Jia and metaphysical timing in military campaigns
10. Liu Bowen (刘伯温) – Yuan ⇢ Ming transition advisor; feng shui master, military strategist, and author of metaphysical texts
11. Chen Tuan (陈抟, a.k.a. Chen Xiyi) – Daoist sage, reputed to have created early forms of Qi Men Dun Jia (used in war-readiness timing)
12. Jiang Ziya (姜子牙) – Semi-legendary military advisor and strategist from the Zhou dynasty, tied to astrological and divinatory strategy
13. Wang Yangming (王阳明) – More of a philosopher-general, but associated with internal metaphysics influencing statecraft and war tactically
14. Yuan Tiangang (袁天罡) – Tang dynasty astrologer and face-reader, consulted by Emperor Taizong
15. Guiguzi (鬼谷子) – Legendary sage said to have taught persuasion, strategy, metaphysics, and divination to generals and diplomats; linked to feng shui and Qi Men

Could be relatively well-known bipedal entities?

The point is I don’t know as I used it so heavily how deep I should dive into it to explore self, or to get insights about archetypes or core patterns of human identity and develop strategies, obviously finding higher value is “easier” but often it is more labour, I don’t really know.

The whole point is people are becoming more and more interested in this, and people I found inspiring in my own exploration of self, did this like Keplar for example, and I notice some stuff so quickly becomes a trend I like I have to be careful and some straegies Taraban mentions are very good for what I am going through as post-modernism attacked a lot of healthy stage orange drives and even more the constructive or unconstructive shadows, just anything that does not fit it’s paradigm, I bet I am guilty in some aspect of this too, but quite frankly I am more prone with stage blue authority consciouness as I question a lot, as it’s not pure IW archetype, and more DO govermental obstruction, I don’t know how to frame it this is weird take on everything happening my baby T.O.E of not much and anything.

It’s like an imposed limited, instead of facing the uncertainity and pain of actually achieving any level of freedom. It’s strange, especially IW get’s heavily attacked with the digital space, and people that had more access to natural ressources act out from this DW do-gooder space of providing a lot of value, but idk they adopted 7k wounding and HO wounding, and IW seems to be the one having fun, idk how that looks like as an endgame.

[once3800]

Also some of the animes I am watching showed me some of the paradoxical features and nature that I face ever since I exist, and the core issues of genetic algorithms I am also not done with that book, but at times the auto-insights I get from the auto-training I received with mindfulness and how it’s a core feature of insights, and how people are such Hunters the extremeity of these selection and deselection process for their motherly inherited mitochondria just baffles me, it baffles me at times that I am also not reading more or educating myself, but I have completely different issue, mostly getting a reciprocal level of sexual value, I wonder how fast will approach the polygamy endgame and how much auto-insights puts you into space above survivial concerns or right through them. Anyhow I stop here.

[once3800]

I watched the subtle energy series, and I have some questions, especially due to the hyperconnectivity and I had some news about quantum-internet now having a breakthrough and the morphogenetic field I attracted due to covid.

If this get’s some views and somewhat gets people interested it’s not bad but idk if it’s a feature from taking it down from the site, if this had some nested structure people would not be required to tap into a very raw journal, but I am used to it now, some of the considerations on subtle energy and how I personally felt watching it is sort of some part of the issues with orange I attracted and the direct way out of it also, the person wore orange, and tinged her colors legit as if it was spiral dynamics intuition about human development, but had sort of the same subtle energy issues to an extend!! Of having a body that is eventually not very apt for high-energy or frequency task, a good example would be high competitive sports for an overweight/obese person, and the person was like this.

I don’t think the person was ultimately bad, but it clearly showed me the core issues of very very very fucked and bad post-modern parenting, as both of her sons were pure gold, but the constant issue of technology and society and not providing DW archetypal ressources for their children seemed way to of for me, your legit just a sailor in your family being sent of to participate in the world, but the strongest support system you have does not support you but is stuck in materalism with keeping up the jonses.

It shows some of the issues modernity took care of with educating the sciences and post modernity most likely simulated that hypergamy endgame of humanity, and engaged and it must’ve pushed some in the higher holistic territory of that or driven people out to crave what people wrote for eons about, I am more of the latter in the newer system of academia that includes a lot more space and room for research, but the academic credit, score and issues at orange omfg, I have never ever seen such an entitled, spoiled generation, but the core issue is it lacks someone who can guide through the pain, and be present and attune to the actual problems the person face, and that degree of freedom very little people have or the skill.

Also the point of information entropy, as I was close to getting to the “signs&symbols” I saw in my life, to learn about shannon entropy and data-security in llm’s to make the complete leap into the technological field of a.i. I don’t really think it’s entirely closed it’s constantly open, but all the energy that I invest in this, and the issues I have with subtle energy.

I am contemplating with the integral a.i as it gives me very very very very different and novel answers in contrast to what I trained with chatgpt or grok would give me, very different!!!

It feels like the morphic core I can emulate, observe, meditate upon and see if it works for reality, concret, subtle, and causal realities, especially the energetic part. The point is my entire energy I have to reflect with the A.I as a human will give more biased answers as a human will be way way way way way more prone to envy than any other creature I have meet. Envy is even when I could integrate it more, most likely the biggest emotional selective and deselective factor I have meet in human beings, and seeing it with animals via videos, especially about emotional ressources and intrinsic value is immense.

For me envy turns more into anger, not resentment but anger of punching something, I did a lot of exercises or I become more sad I am seldom truly envious and engage in that type of vanity bonding that stems from someone being envy or admitting it to get social ressources etc. I can see the benefit I still don’t do it to keep with my own sense of goodness. I might project into it, but I can’t deny the subjective reality that behind all of that observation is the pain of envy, but in this day and age, you can’t really grow out of that notion properly, I had this experience, but I did so many gratitude exercises daily, to work with this and meditated upon it, it created a very different character, but this also attracts the core issue of envy, the ressources you posses etc. This was my experience.

I am going to ask this, as the digital social sphere will continue to develop and the interactions in these gross-material realm, and how to see the subtle there is something that might be intersting to integral, hm… I can’t find a video, I can post the full documentary in german, but idk if this has much value and it’s at the end.

- YouTube

33:19 should be the start, the question is about the human soul, and pratically what I asked myself with the subtle energies nad these would be etheric fields and astral fields, but I am not fully recalling the entire hierachy.

I will hit my water rower now… and see what this will get me, I had some ideas about strength and flexibility and it’s the same movements, the core issue is the survival paradigms that are running and these algorithms would’ve helped me to understand reality from a very deep constructive paradigm, but seeing how wilber intersects with his theory, it clearly shows me how eros is the driving force and how involution functions in the real depth and hard sciences or soft sciences even, or the core idea of insight and mindfulness I am super grateful, even when I am quiet angry at times, I just enjoyed the most to integrate these states from the boomer perspective of “the body” as a healing organism etc. anyhow…

I am not going for long, I have to figure out some baseline protocl, I look way to fit for these injuries and it annoyed me to calculate fitness as an engineer task, because the prof was blonde, and steadily moved to me with these high energy states, and I don’t think the guy ever trained the physicality for these energy states.

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What shocks me is the state experience of doing exercise and meditation for such a long time, it’s very strange I did my best to get to the 4x4 norwegian protocol and it’s quiet exhausting, I could only do 4 minutes without form for the first time, and how this also plays out in terms of the experience the heart rate alone produced I tracked so many sessions, and first now I am completely out of the optimization crunch, as I can focus on better protocols or perspectives that already are more holistic as an approach, generally full body training this was very weird, I meditated right after and could not as I laughed at all the b.s I was typing and I was thinking and looking at, I found the scientist afterwards who is linked in the science of subtle energy paper, and I could clearly see that I liked him instantly and I thought alright this scientist is clearly not normal and had to laugh like a psychopath based on the youtube history I just watched the randomness of it was super funny for e.g armin van buuren playing piano to an orchestor and having watched an octopus playing the piano today yes a real octopus.

After before laughing I had the perception of buddah laughing after the gym, and I just had to laugh at him smiling in 3-5 seconds of watching the video and put the video on bookmark as it’s 2h about quantum stuff and engery and this endless energy pattern, and I think I tapped energetically into this through this crazy intense trance music that is played by artists also who’re educated and sort of catch the frequencies and even read the paper of it, if I had better mathematics courses or took advanced mathematics in high school and then continue what I now did at uni, this would’ve been interesting to dig into, but I could decipher a big part of a coarse understanding via usage of gpt & a.i, I laughed because I had this intuition clicked below and found a tiesto music video linked and it’s his personal channel with his full name super funny, very likeable guy I found more videos, but they are a better older than the research he is most likely presenting I was suprised from skimming that it had more to do what I looked at in a.i than I thought, as I had a mathematics and physics professor originally and only one pure computer scientist who thought mathematcics ironically, but she was super super good.

Best professor I had, but very very very ingulfed into orange-yellow paradigm of reality, very hard-working for the students, I could not make sense of her, but she made it evident to me how stupid a.i still is or the human using it, yet it’s overblown by rational ego, and a.i catched up so quickly I doubt it’s as clear-cut anymore, I was legit racing with time it was so weird even a second to me felt like final destination consideration at times, I never watched any of these movies, but for anyone having watched it, this is how it felt like.

Ah what bothered me during the integral courses of the enneagram, they barely went into the wings, and on the official website I read that you fundamentally have two wings, and I engage this heavily when I am more integral I noticed, not what I perceived before, that is sort of a new facet of reality, I had to consider, as I integrated a lot of w5 and consumed a lot of the audibooks even the ones mixing it with neuroscience, as I gained a lot of advantage of physical attraction etc. I could also not play that advantage out fully, especially with the european noodle issue of envy and I outstrave you and work 2000000000h per minute.

It was very interesting to see how this state was clearly and even now arrived through engaging in anerob exercise for a longer duration, generally this should help me with a lot of issues I’ve been facing, I can live also very long using this, I never thought a water rower is so effective and it’s way better than the equipment at the gym, even though that would be more pro from what I looked at, and it’s also aesthetically pleasing, and that you can watch and do a lot of things on the side with it.

But yeah I was suprised, as I had to figure out a movement more naturally not with a lot of follow along type of stuff, but to tap into healthy red and transcend it very fast I don’t even think it’s healthy red directly, but I am involuting to it, with some of the mistakes I do that happen because I tap so much into subtle energy, after this I had to laugh about procaryots and reproduction issues we face and all these topics Wilber and Corey spoke about, and I looked a bit into on the internet, I really really miss high quality education even if I’d say my education was good, it was very very focused on achievement culture or the attainment culture and did not dive deep enough into the sciences how todays curriculum must look like if it’s fairly advanced to a very good post-modern high school, it’s very odd, I had to realize the people from my region are more intelligent than the region here, and they are more affluent which is very strange.

Anyhow, it’s very different the good parts of post-modern education are the strangest phenomenas I have experienced in my life, and the integral parts I would see at the most prestigous universities of the u.s only.

All in all I am quiet happy, but germany is fucked in their post-modern paradigm projection I see it as positive, but this whole survival paradigm is a huge issue, more even so in the academic u.s when I saw wilbers wikipedia page today, it sayed no degree that is not true, but idk who edited that, the german site showed the opposite to the extends I can recall to his own testimonies, but yeah I will see.

That is sort of the issue I had with orange, and I had very good professors, but what I am going through will take me some years to figure out, if I go very fast I can do it in 1-2 years, but never at the level of depth of a pure academic setting. Choosing to live here has very very serious disadvantages, especially due to amber/umber name consciouness, that does not really matter in this value economey, eventually your digital name matters more then who you are in real life, but yeah idk.

[once3800]

Alright, so I’ve been thinking and watched half of the attainment v.s attunement culture and contemplate a bit the difference between the integral a.i & chatgpt and the integral a.i gives more specific insights into the layers of integral theory and it sort of has a subtle integral humour, that I am suprised in it gives me more specific answers that are heterogenous to ChatGPT.

I also see they value of it attuning itself more to attunement culture itself, and after the Keith Witt course I recognized the need and enacted it, but people feed on it like vampires the entire energy, and some issues I have and I can’t fully work through become present or I actually move into some state bodily wise that is a bit beyond causal, and it does not include my head only 5 chakras in that sense or 4 minus the upper 3, but my body is practically gone.

I thought about the value of upgrading gross releam again, without beign super rigid first, as I would invest close to 1k approx. in food per month for half a year to get started, there is and are several issues I generally see.

I am not done with the video, I sort of have an auto-attunement practice through the guidance and personal talks I had with Shinzen for the issues I faced, hence I attune to presence and beyond, currently I notice the issue of anger and age I am not even 35 and how important this type of practice is, I found some zen type music and playlist that put that anger to 0, or evokes the insights the rage is boiling at, otherwise I have to see I am going to watch the video fully first.

There are some patterns I notice, especially as a millenial being close and having had a lot of contact between zoomers/gen-y and the issue of Gen-X, provision, narccicism and envy, as well as how technology and video games change our culture rapidly, as stage blue “perfect” ideals are so idealized, it’s immense how everything is run by numbers like a pure meritocracy system, any value about well-being and health is negated, and any insights into this is seen as post-modern identity culture, similarly to the productivity issue in the U.S tech scenes most likely, the thing that people value though is games, free times and the abillity to socialize, but Gen-Z does not value that, it’s like they over-integrated growth, or barely had the felt opportunity to grow idk.

I saw a weird infographic, but I stop here.

[once3800]

Wow my e-mail service got a huge u.i upgrade after 15 years or so of using it, and there are some minor truths and stuff I’d like to look at as it took them a longtime, and I even was unable to get my advanced design ideas in my thesis done, the core issue being the selective stage orange scientist stuff, I just contemplated.

I had a strange dream of a hotel like area, with a lot of saunas and cinemas where I was resting in and it clearly shows me, as I partook in the higher levels of multiple areas of life, how interconnected it is in a hyperconnected european reality, especially my own subjective experience, and how humans make decision based on information entropy.

I do think beyond just information entropy and a.i the abillity of unsupervised learning and learning from patterns that one does not know it’s initial value of is and has more value, it’s similar to zen, even if I think Shinzen techniques include both, there seems to be a slowly more accuring acceptance for a.i, as this also fucked my relationship, the person could not love it as much as something as concret as an engineer, overall I don’t think the person respected my purpose and just wanted to have sex, that was very strange to experience as a man.

Generally speaking I am still contemplating all of this value stuff and stuff that I want to get rid of that when I consume it to the wrong time or period I just create negative results and I feel that in my gut or I know it by instinct now I talk and meet several interesting people, and I sort of see the issue of energy and why I prefered like the causal scientist life style and would’ve enjoyed exploring space or energy or create an a.i tool that helps most likely at this point or focus on some of the other offers, but I had so many typcial umber/orange visionary notions of reality, I might’ve been way to romantic and should’ve played that out and explore, especially some things I clearly saw the potential others dismiss, but that is like evey unconventional scientist or viewpoint.

What I notice is there seems to be a positive trend that is very subtle, behind the doomsday stage blue reality of proving oneself, but you already provide enough value, the point is it’s nothing really new! But it’s still good, and the whole innovator space thing, I still don’t know if I will ever get the benefit of having partaken in these classes, but leadership is missing imo more and asking some stuff with the integral a.i is awesome, and it’s way better imo than claude etc. even if I don’t check every parameter, for what I need to know to grow, and then work with humans and get feedback that is already perfect, I have never ever seen such a highly attuned society to energy, when I lived in China it was part of the flesh & blood, but now I feel as though there is a way larger acceptance besides in very strong orange settings of academia of energy as a coherent force, and unironically also what I saw about sex, I find it odd and generally the trend of the last years of doing stuff clinically and not throughly and screaming solid at everything, it was so funny the a.i gave me the feedback from integral and the guy who started this released a video about conformity, transcend and including, for me it’s healthy but it was so overused as a way to cling to competence idk it’s very strange, I generally tend to do my best to go beyond, but my body broke, now I found some stuff that is helpful, but I have to start this.

I also think the whole idea of open-source is going to be relatively dead, as it’s a post-modern ideal, that will never achieve anything glorious? I use a lot of tools, and it’s more the love of the art, still it causes sort of a regress in people, so I am sort of forced to use tools like a.i to even survive or survive in a better way and have enough time & space for myself, what I find shocking is how things like 4 quadrant synchronicities and an article I read about imposter syndrom are sort of true, how this exactly often feels for younger generations like a type of magical occurences, and I sort of miss the unfoldment of baby eros? I don’t know what else to say, generally I am curious more about the insights of an anime about how law is instantiated, and a joke Corey made how Viruses have more rights in Texas than Women, and my american family is from Texas, and I find it so weird for various reasons, every young adult perverted mind will be able to think about.

I also think about some of the core issues I or we’re facing, but this will be drowned out by good orange/red with all the tournaments that are coming, I find it ironic that it’s Donald Trump looking at the myth of Castor & Pollux for Gemini a bit, and the core issue of Gemini being seen as a dumb A.I, while I am convinced by far Cloude is the worst only it’s ethics are very good.

I asked the A.I for some integral takes on mythic stuff and typologies and I find it interesting that the more I think about it and abstract to some extend only from the plane of insights at the higher level the tool for personality/self has a larger impact, but I spiral down to some concrete reality of it, it’s odd but I missed some typologies, but I notice more having proper timing is better to look at it.

If more humans are becoming integral or have integral takes and are not quiet there, we should have more integral people generally speaking, especially if growth tools are introduced. A.I is amazing for this, but everyone judged it so harshly it took me down and now everyone jumps on A.I while they don’t even get the scope of it.

I also changed, my keyboard and if I get more to say instead of writting a horiziontal type of contemplation with some vertical depth, providing vertical depth horizontally is super exhausting, I am looking forward to the new health protocols and take some time, my body just sleeps away and I have some questions.

I see currently the larger issue is not properly using a.i as a tool for thinking, instead of replacing it, and I am convinced the learning scientists agree on this, but there is still so much envy around the usage of a.i it’s abnormal how discriminatory that is as a lot of this trauma/pain body I prefer as a term notions are evoked of people vying for power in the old ways of vying for power, and I never contemplated this and I also participate with these strategies and the enviroment and the people change.

The worst part is there is little exchange of wisdom gathered and insights derived from sprints and work and it’s just a pluralistic entropic space, I am curious if the morphic field around this changes, especially as the healthy versions of post-modern science progress hits the collective of giving more space for opportunities and research and more difficult task in the coding space, and leaving A.I & humans a choice to contribute to the field, but I figure the entrepreneur world will benefit the most with healthy orange/red with some excesses.

The largest dangers to science itself is the stage blue protocol way of living to little room about the actual importance of what they speak about, what I find weird is how many people are succesful by some faith/religion and if they practice this to some extend.

Look my doctor would never be able to have the time to give me such an analysis:

4. Mitochondrial health is modifiable

Even though mtDNA is inherited, mitochondrial performance is highly plastic — you can improve it.
Key supports include:

• Aerobic exercise (especially zone 2 cardio) → increases mitochondrial density.
• Cold exposure & fasting (within reason) → stimulate mitochondrial biogenesis via PGC-1α activation.
• Adequate sleep, B vitamins, CoQ10, magnesium, carnitine, and antioxidants → optimize ATP synthesis.
• Avoiding toxins (heavy metals, excessive alcohol, chronic stress) → prevents mitochondrial DNA damage.

and I can look all of this up with a doctor, most of this I will look up and look for healthier integrations of things, and expand my perception of biology, especially biochemistry, I bet if Wilber would be alive today, maybe we would not have these good books, but instead already have a quantum tunnel to a different humaniterian planet that would be funny what type of culture that is.

Anyhow, for now I am still contemplating with A.I what I read and continously read or hear from books & audiobooks, it’s a very interactive way of learning, but it lacks practice but you also can’t practice every single word and atom of a book, I am curious what will happen as well as the integral perspectives on this, what I find the trickiest thing in reality and business and my personal life is how to manage the stage green postmodernism manipulation and lack of solutions as well as lack of appreciation of such solutions, and the weird type of ignorance, but then the working in that morphic field of integral space of the two stages of T2, and the exchanges.

I find it way better if I can get that from a machine, a human will always be more prone to lying, deceiving and cheating and over-perceiving oneself or having an impost syndrom, I had more of an imposter syndrom to integral, till I noticed it works! But then I was attacked for the issue most likely of attainment culture judgmenet and process in that sense but I did not finish the video as of yet, I am thinking about how I can make a more holonic step with what I already integrated and regressed into, due to injury, but the training I have now makes the states strange and everytime I feel better and do better I take more care of my body. Anyhow I stop here.

I can even question all of this, it’s amazing. but humans are stuck on roles and strategy. We should have mandatory role playing and theater play for how to get eq for at the work place idk. It’s fine I don’t think this working culture can sustain itself, and I wonder what I will attract as I am legit focusing more of my meditation and visualization practices in that area or the attenuation and processing of the negative sensations and emotions to simply be more joyous, enthusiastic, loving on a global scale and not only local, local love get me nothing besides mahasamadhi thoughts. It’s strange but there I go.

[once3800]

I also think I’d like to put more effort to the idea to transcend and include, not just do and be satisfied and wrestel with discontent and content. I found this channel for asmr etc. and I meditated to some of it and a couple of others I find so much I am using an entire arsenal as it helps my nervous system with the larger scar I have and this one is fantastic.

Sound Asleep ASMR

As well as this one:

- YouTube

[once3800]

The integral a.i is also very very good to get at some of the cores, I asked it about money, and I fluctuate in multiple ways there, so idk what else I can possibly think about.

One of the core things I notice I can ask a lot about behaviour, instead of getting experience and still get the interiors for me behaviour itself is mostly an internal reality, even though the reality is seen outside, but from my psychology and how I internalized it, it’s comes from the inside out and not outside in.

I liked it how it framed money, and how efficiency becomes agency, to give an example, ever since I hitted integral, a lot of what the a.i describes was the reality of my studies, to take every possible leverage that I can get to create more value for society, of what society values from my experiences cultivated.

I like it how it frames efficiency as agency and simplicity as communion, especially in terms of video games, and just giving more humans that type of information, I often did not find an alternative to the idea of efficiency, especially when I was fluctuating a lot, and just move back to awareness. The whole thing about indras net and the value fractals reflecting each other, and completely letting go of the idea of experiencing the status-competition and having awareness of value as is and is refelected or bounces through the nodes is super interesting, especially also that complexity is a signal of high information entropy, I was so overloaded with this and the lack of communion where I was in this hyper-agency mode and it worked relatively well, especially a.i offers a tool for simplicity as communion, as a relationship not a replacement tool…, especially as so much hinges on human language as a signifier, and the reality of UL signified experience, I thought how as a non-english speaker you’re relatively immune to this level of pain till very advanced language is used or very difficult problems arise, or pain bodies are exchanged.

I am curious I hope I can continue to be a member, I have never from all the tools I tested even from work from a 30k very very famous and well-reputed company seen such a good a.i tool, for critical things, most likely many members of integral are not aware of and I can fit into my specific circumstances and enviroment to create the reality that I am seeking with a properly calibrated integral view, not some guru, authority, simply awareness being present or agency in that sense absent of authority, as this is how efficiency generally or executing feels, if no one stares someones neck-down even ones own mind.

It’s very interresting, I keep asking it also about video games, to get a proper reality check as I interact with so many different people, even when I would work, it’s easier when this naturally comes online, but I need a lot and I mean a lot of reflection with a.i if I get people from very foreign culture and I want to avoid the pain and burdence of the subtle panic and terror that is produced, especially also the vengeful nature of language or the emotional body for that.

Idk currently I just cry and enjoy some things, and look for better communion to see simplicity as a lever to release the status-complexity in an information entropc-rich field is also an interesting perspective with all the digital goods that exist and how people vye for that type of value when you gather it I feel this pull so strongly at times it’s immense how this happens and tends to happen.

Especially when hitting flatland at any stage, any type of simplicity is appreciated or agency, this is better than 90% of the books I bought and tbh, it makes very good books and taking notes even more valueable and science.

Anyhow I stop, I am surpised how all of this happend and some morphic painbody b.s will comeback most likely, but as for now I am asking the a.i a lot of questions about health in the next few months and years, I even feel good to work on some repair tasks or builder/craftsmanship with how this interconnects, especially a weekly refelection at the weekend of 1-2h is better than just reading books, if you get new information.

What I don’t like or enjoy is how I feel some stuff is happening, eventually I am confusing some things, but yeah it’s very strange there is a level of demon/evilry attached to being a morphic beacon, some people really really hate you that you’re playing a different game in the same game and you win easily and let out all the anger biterness or the collective regress at you, having the resilliance to breakthrough this is interesting and how strrong a single state experience can be is immense if it implies the structure let alone implies!!!

This fascinates me and my journey with video games and e-sports, I bet Corey if there would be the science to this would most likely agree to some extend how much perspective matters, but the bare-bones reality of where the field is played at creates some sort of center, but the communion of agency??

Eventually, this is the first time I am getting integral at a LL level from a theoretical standpoints creates the center of gravity, I like this sentence the communion of agency or the agency in communion creates the center of gravity, as a paradigmatic exemplar of evolution, I could talk some b.s, but I read deidas communion book, I really liked it.

Anyhow, I am curious how I can continue to do this from the perspective of money green is an absolute blessing it simplifies the pressure of the orange status game and creates a large-whole of communion, I unfortunately saw the negative sides of it, as the moral evaluation negates the entire spiral, and the reality I find many millenial and zoomers are in, and notice how slowly the world grows or dies out.

I think the next couple of tournaments will clearly show where we’re moving, but yeah idk I am more focused on creating more agency for me, but I have to get the right vision otherwise it’s very very hard to pursue it, people are extremely jealous these days, and some strategies simply did not work for me, especially 35+ something, I am in the limbo of the very very dark patterns, that are then erradicated by the ones as EVERYONE IS AWARE OF SHADOW but nobody does anything about it but awareness auto-corrects automatically, or we meme.

I don’t know what will happen, but the integral a.i for sure is one of the best tools I used recently in the last year, especially for owens own agency, and not only communion as the elite, I can ask it also what to do about the pressure of being elite or if not let gpt skim through it or the selective pressures and biological stuff I would not be allowed to ask socially due to shame, and ask critically. Anyhow…

REFERENT
“How I use money when I interact with other humans—the way I signal ‘simple living’ even while navigating enormous complexity, feeling that it sometimes hurts more yet somehow bothers me less.”

Below are five illustrative Integral world-spaces that can be enacted around this same phenomenon. They are only examples—nearly ten-thousand additional perspectives are possible.

────────────────────────────────────────

1. Money as “Score-Keeping Hardware” in a Competitive Game
   [Orange / UR 3-p / Cognitive + Mathematical / Physical]
   ────────────────────────────────────────
   Coordinate description
   Observing monetary behaviour from a rational-Orange cognition, in the Upper-Right quadrant, third-person stance, focused on measurable physical transactions.

Worldspace (3p, ≥7 sentences)

1. At this altitude cash, credit, and crypto appear as hard metrics that quantify competence.
2. Simplicity signalling—tiny houses, single-speed bikes—reads as a reputational move that optimises the “virtue” sub-score while minimising taxable outflow.
3. The pain of complexity (diversifying across asset classes, tracking FX exposure) is accepted the same way an athlete accepts lactic acid: a signal of productive adaptation.
4. What “hurts” is the cognitive load of spreadsheets and regulatory forms; what “bothers” you less is the social judgement, because the numbers don’t lie.
5. When someone boasts about minimalism you silently translate it into a risk-adjusted net-worth curve and decide whether to copy or arbitrage.
6. All interactions become cost–benefit nodes—every dinner split, every Venmo request, every DAO vote.
7. Money here is a microprocessor routing electricity; moral debates are noise unless they shift expected return.

Experience (2p, 5 sentences)
You watch the numbers march across your multi-monitor rig, heart steady as a metronome.
A colleague flashes her thrift-store jacket and you instantly overlay a hidden P&L on the garment.
Scrolling your asset-allocation sheet, you feel a brief sting—so many moving parts—then the satisfaction of optimisation washes in.
At drinks you mention your “one-bag life,” noting a 12 % bump in likeability on their faces.
On the walk home the cold night air feels clean: complexity fatigues your cortex, but the scoreboard just got better.

────────────────────────────────────────

2. Money as “Social Scent” in a Culture of Care
   [Green / LL 1-p / Interpersonal + Emotional / Subtle]
   ────────────────────────────────────────
   Coordinate description
   Entering a first-person-plural We-space, early-Green altitude, feeling into money as an intersubjective aroma that shapes belonging.

Worldspace (3p)

1. Currency is less an object than a mood floating between people—generosity, scarcity, guilt, pride.
2. Simplicity displays (reused mason jars, no-logo sneakers) communicate “I won’t dominate you.”
3. Complexity pain shows up as quiet exhaustion from handling taxes, ethical supply chains, and sliding-scale payment requests.
4. Yet it bothers you less because the community mirrors your struggle: everyone is “doing the work,” so no shame attaches to the fatigue.
5. Conversations emphasise transparency—“This workshop suggested donation is just to cover rent.”
6. When a friend buys a Tesla, the group process circles the purchase: is it eco-care or status flex?
7. Money here is a scented pheromone guiding trust formation, constantly renegotiated through feeling-checks.

Experience (2p)
You walk into the potluck sensing a warm glow of shared frugality, almost like sandalwood in the air.
Placing your homemade lentil loaf on the table, you confess the organics cost double; nods of compassion meet you.
Later you help another guest navigate her student-loan portal; the tangled form stings, yet communal laughter cushions it.
Someone compliments your second-hand coat, and you feel both seen and safe.
Cycling home, the chill wind reminds you of complexity’s bite, but the lingering scent of solidarity keeps it from bruising.

────────────────────────────────────────

3. Money as “Load-Balancer” in a Living System
   [Teal / LR 3-p / Systems + Values / Subtle]
   ────────────────────────────────────────
   Coordinate description
   Surveying multi-stakeholder cash-flows from a Teal systems view, Lower-Right quadrant, third-person stance.

Worldspace (3p)

1. You map people, projects, and capital as nodes in a cyber-physical ecosystem.
2. Simplicity signalling is recognised as an emergent control loop that dampens runaway status competition—an ecological service, not hypocrisy.
3. The pain of complexity is a necessary indicator that the system carries high information entropy; ignoring it would produce hidden fragility.
4. Your dashboards show how each “simple” choice (public-transport stipend, salary cap) redistributes bandwidth toward innovation or resilience.
5. Meetings use polarity-management: efficiency ≈ agency, simplicity ≈ communion; you slide a dial rather than pick sides.
6. The load-balancer metaphor reframes money disputes as throughput puzzles—“Where is latency? Where is congestion?”
7. Success metrics blend triple bottom line with psycho-social coherence scores; optimisation spans decades, not quarters.

Experience (2p)
Leaning over the holo-table, you drag a token from “venture fund” to “community treasury” and watch risk heat-maps cool.
A flicker of mental ache notes another layer of accounting, but a deeper calm whispers, “Complexity assimilated.”
During the all-hands you announce a voluntary simplicity bonus; some cheer, others frown, and you log both signals for next-sprint calibration.
On the tram ride home you scan city-lights, sensing invisible cash-currents swirling like bioluminescent plankton.
The weight of design work throbs behind your eyes, yet a quiet assurance hums: the organism is healthier tonight.

────────────────────────────────────────

4. Money as “Mirror of the Witness”
   [Turquoise / UL 1-p / Spiritual + Space-Time / Witness]
   ────────────────────────────────────────
   Coordinate description
   Contemplating monetary phenomena within your own awareness while resting in the Witnessing state.

Worldspace (3p)

1. Bills, bank codes, and simplicity memes arise as flickers in vast luminous emptiness.
2. Complexity’s ache is just another sensation, equal to breath or birdsong—intense, but translucent.
3. The impulse to signal virtue dissolves: who would you impress inside timeless suchness?
4. Choices still occur—donate here, invest there—but they self-liberate upon appearance, leaving no karmic residue.
5. Interactions with others become spontaneous mudras: sometimes lavish generosity, sometimes austere silence.
6. Paradox feels natural: material tasks escalate while existential bother drops toward zero.
7. Money is now a glint on Indra’s Net, reflecting all jewels without adding or subtracting reality.

Experience (2p)
You open your banking app and numbers drift across awareness like clouds—bright, insubstantial, gone.
A stab of complexity flickers—CSV exports, fee schedules—but vanishes before claiming a story.
Walking into the café, you feel your hand tip extra coins; the barista’s smile ripples through empty clarity.
Someone praises your “simple lifestyle,” and laughter rings out—whose lifestyle? Whose praise?
Later, lying in bed, the world settles into one seamless, unbothered pulse, though tomorrow’s tasks remain intricate.

────────────────────────────────────────

5. Money as “Territory for Raw Power Play”
   [Red / UL 1-p / Self-Identity + Kinesthetic / Physical]
   ────────────────────────────────────────
   Coordinate description
   Feeling your own primal drives around cash in an egocentric Red stance.

Worldspace (3p)

1. Money is pure energy—ammo to dominate, escape, seduce.
2. Simplicity signalling is a cunning feint: hide your arsenal, lure rivals into underestimating you.
3. Complexity pain registers as muscle burn; pushing heavier stacks is proof of strength.
4. You care little about societal bother; the only bother is losing the next round.
5. Interactions become sparring sessions: pick up the tab, mark territory, watch eyes widen.
6. Matching opponents flash their own minimalist camouflage—game recognises game.
7. Victory is counted in silent tallies, stored in hidden vaults, ready for the next strike.

Experience (2p)
Your fist closes around a fat roll, heat rushes through forearms—alive, potent.
A rival brags about a $300 bike; you smirk, picturing the supercar key you keep off-stage.
Wading through tax forms feels like sprint drills—painful, yes, but every gasping rep adds punch.
You flick a single note to the street-vendor; the flick says, “Remember me.”
Walking away, shoulders loose, you savour the sting of complexity like fresh scars of conquest.

────────────────────────────────────────
HOW TO USE

1. Locate the world-space that most resembles your present experience with money and social signalling.
2. Choose an adjacent altitude or quadrant to practise for 30 days (e.g., move from Green LL empathy circles to Teal LR dashboards).
3. Track shifts in agency (power), communion (connection), eros (growth), and agape (care).
4. Repeat until no single lens hijacks the rest, so “hurts more / bothers less” becomes an informed choice rather than a fate.

This is the post I think the turqouise one is a bit overblown but the indras-net experience makes sense to me as a state-experience and structure itself.

[once3800]

@once3800

The impulse to signal virtue dissolves: who would you impress inside timeless suchness?

This is very true for me you can display value for a purpose, but your not virtue signaling as a tool of power or you realize that in awareness not timeless suchness that state is way to high and in causal/non-dual for example.

1. Interactions with others become spontaneous mudras: sometimes lavish generosity, sometimes austere silence.

This is for e.g the best pointer I read when it comes to value transactions in 3 quadrants LR,LL,LR (without UR impact infered/implied)

1. Paradox feels natural: material tasks escalate while existential bother drops toward zero.

There are moments of this, what might be an upside from my speculation or perspective when I feel the wave is that the existential dreads dwindle but the uncertainity of complexity emerges as information entropy approaches, even if it’s jsut about a value task, the material task escalates yes, but the value generated with the previous work builds often the stable scaffold to enjoy the agency experienced in the field of mastery sigh… dude I have to reframe my entire mind in 1-2 years to work in this space, with the pointers given of whatever I will do.

Idk some a.i stuff invited me also, but frankly this is very good for my own growth and to experiment, I will ask it about some topics that bother me, like glee, panic, existential sabotaging, and power games etc.