Integral Journal (once3800)

Reflections
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I ask the a.i some question I spotted some mistakes that are a bit weird, when I ask for feedback on a game, and generally speaking it shocks me what happens and happend to people. I am considering quitting video games, if I am not in a high energy or chill mode, the people act so inhumane I have never ever seen anything like this and constantly blame others, I stop reacting to this or trying to figure it out and solve it, then ironically for e.g there are so many women playing this game, I have never seen this if this would be true just seeing this with my own eyes, but I know that fantasy games usually a lot of women play.

The irony is the level of emotional resilliance is so high, but the guys in their immaturity just keep blaming each other and even if there is a subtle field of the perceived negative force of women, it’s so strange as people are on an equal plane and the entire LR phenomena of ressources and UL/UR overlap occures, I truly wonder it’s simply not possible and the depth just increases idk I just notice how my own success or some morphic subtle layer I don’t notice mostly wins me stuff, it’s not internal/external anything just the energy of the morphic field I am operating at, especially collectively and all the physical problems that occure where the judgement occures, I have never seen something as negative as this, especially the communication and valuing time, and the issue of complexity, simplicity and fun.

I am so happy I learned meditation it’s so weird today, I did also not meditate but everything just runs on high octane energy, even on a subtle level.

The integral a.i rated me Minecraft remains the only household-name title exceeding “8.5” as the most integral game, to be fair with everything you can do it’s true, but the UL player field stage orange hubris pulls a lot of things down to blue, idk it makes it unenjoyable and I don’t know how much outside things impact this, generally speaking europe besides the uk & america has become a cesspool of toxicity and idk why, the people in online games and what I just saw and realize how stage green works with the level of pride and self that it has to release in someway, as it has no other way even in Tier 2 it’s only attenuated from my understanding and not released and even then at the highest levels there will always be a strand of self present or emerging, what I notice is even the highest levels of agency are not possible if I don’t find agency and humans are stuck in communion. It’s so strange people can’t take pain anymore and I have to meditate and watch energetic shifts as much as possible or depend and hope that my luck favours me, as some stuff just randomly breaks at times and everytime I feel something is perfect in my life it breaks shortly after ever since I’ve been able to integrate more of stage blue or anything akin to this, this hurts a lot internally, everything and anything that takes the space of going beyond the blue crunch of working through “our demons” and evil, just seems to hinge on deconstructing identity in biology, and finding awareness and consciouness in the form I am giving and improving it, and attuning it, it’s so weird to see how complex casual video games have become and how difficult human coordinating is.

OTHER ALTITUDES LOOKING AT PRIDE ──────────────────────────────────────── • MAGENTA Tribal totemism: rainbow as magic charm; community = kin.
• RED “Don’t tell me who I can love!”—defiant, flamboyant, sometimes confrontational activism.
• AMBER Sees Pride as threat to sacred order; counter-protests, “traditional values.”
• ORANGE “Live and let live” libertarianism; corporations monetise Pride merch.
• TEAL Systemic strategist: asks how allyship policy, urban design, mental-health services interlock to reduce queer homelessness.
• TURQUOISE Sees sexuality/gender as radiant facets of one human tapestry; Pride becomes celebration of the Kosmos loving itself in myriad forms.

The irony is I did so much self-love practices that pushed me there that seemed to be the only thing working in terms of the kosmos loving itself and making progress, as I attract humans with more ressources who see that as a value, but all this “wu-wu” attraction signal and signified reality stuff seems so real when you focus on visualization etc. not as absolute truth, but as relative truth of the experience I am co-creating and enacting with myself AQAL and with others. I am running through some examples of how I can engage with this, and find proper perspectives to create a larger functional whole in all areas, as it’s so energy and state dependent it already costs and will costs me a lot of energy and ressources, the issue with all of this is, people will see that as the norm, and I will never get the credit for any of this and I have to focus way way more on the differntiation of the experience of optimism, and non-conformity for example.

This is interesting as a normie take:

──────────────────────────────────────── INFRARED “Survivalistic” ──────────────────────────────────────── • Greed → Instinctive grabbing of food, warmth, space. No future concept; hoard until full, then drop.
• Envy → Immediate distress when another body has what I want (mother’s breast, dry blanket).
• Pride → Warm glow when bodily needs are met; basically homeostatic satisfaction rather than identity.

──────────────────────────────────────── MAGENTA “Magic-Animistic” ──────────────────────────────────────── Healthy Belonging tokens are shared—shells, feathers, sweets.
Shadow • Greed = Amassing lucky charms; believing more trinkets = more safety from spirits.
• Envy = “Evil-eye” curses toward the better-fed sibling.
• Pride = “We are the blessed clan”; superiority via totems & rituals.

──────────────────────────────────────── RED “Heroic / Egocentric” ──────────────────────────────────────── Healthy Raw vitality, daring, willingness to push limits.
Shadow • Greed = Grab land, loot, lovers—“Because I can.”
• Envy = Rage at rivals’ trophies; fuels revenge quests.
• Pride = Bragging, flamboyant display, humiliation of opponents.

──────────────────────────────────────── AMBER “Absolutistic / Conformist” ──────────────────────────────────────── Healthy Stable order, loyalty, duty.
Shadow • Greed = Quiet rule-bending (tithes, indulgences, insider rations) justified by “divine” hierarchy.
• Envy = Moralistic gossip: “She thinks she’s holier than us.”
• Pride = “My nation/faith is the only true one”; righteousness shields self-doubt.

──────────────────────────────────────── UMBER “Expert / Skill-Centric” ──────────────────────────────────────── Healthy Mastery, craftsmanship, conscientious work ethic.
Shadow • Greed = Hoarding knowledge or certifications; paywalls.
• Envy = Nit-picking peers’ techniques; forum flame wars.
• Pride = “I’m the go-to specialist; others are sloppy.”

──────────────────────────────────────── ORANGE “Multiplistic / Achiever” ──────────────────────────────────────── Healthy Innovation, meritocracy, win-win deals.
Shadow • Greed = Endless KPI chasing, stock options, growth hacks—“More is proof of worth.”
• Envy = Subtle LinkedIn scrolling malaise, status-anxiety, rival benchmarking.
• Pride = Personal-brand polishing: degrees, trophy assets, performance metrics.

──────────────────────────────────────── GREEN “Relativistic / Pluralist” ──────────────────────────────────────── Healthy Empathy, inclusion, sustainability.
Shadow • Greed = Consuming “ethical” experiences or identities; spiritual-marketplace tourism.
• Envy = Intersectional score-keeping—who’s more oppressed / more “authentic.”
• Pride = Virtue-signalling compassion; shaming “unenlightened” others.

──────────────────────────────────────── TEAL “Systemic / Strategist” ──────────────────────────────────────── Healthy Synthesises systems, long-term stewardship.
Shadow • Greed = Over-architecting influence networks; collecting complex toys “for the mission.”
• Envy = Subtle jealousy of other integrators’ frameworks or thought-leadership.
• Pride = “I can see the whole chessboard”—quiet superiority dressed as humility.

──────────────────────────────────────── TURQUOISE “Holistic / Unitive” ──────────────────────────────────────── Healthy Service to the whole, planetary compassion.
Shadow • Greed = Desire to merge with all causes, scattering energy; subtle attachment to spiritual highs.
• Envy = Rare but may surface as wistful comparison of depth of awakening.
• Pride = “Humble” sense of being part of the cosmic vanguard; can slip into quietism or bypassing

Especially the framework envy is very very real the more I engaged and enacted at software-architecture or information thought-leading types of integrations. These examples are very good, but yeah it’s still strange for me to realize how far I got and how people act and some subtelteis of anger for e.g I have had some LinkedIn malaise scrolling, and I thought about asking about constructive shadows, generally sometimes I have more questions integral can answer, but the a.i might give a solution besides my own contemplations or insights I can get, instead of despair breakthroughs what people crave I ask all of this, as I started to value Euonia as a value, and I see it’s increasingly more important if the world turns so hostile. I was so often attacked my entire nervous system is still inflicted by a lot of stage blue umber shadows, stage green helped here a lot, but it’s still strange how all of this happens and occures.

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This is like the core issue of why I dislike post-modernism, these people underestimate what is happening, and can’t provide a solution to the problem, they dispell wrong facts, act arrogant and fall under the same biases, it’s good in it’s own way, but it’s the subtle vile hostile toxic immaturity that is plaguing humanity and the culture for a longtime, I saw some stuff that incentives this, but generally speaking from a very simple perspective it’s tyrannical children denying that they are tyrannical children.

I reported the channel and gave them a dislike as with many nowadays it’s extremely nefarious how they spin cultural perspectives, and the homogenity of post-modernism deny the issues blame others and engage in pure ignorance and then tell others the same wisdom of their parents, I am very glad I meet people on the internet who’re beyond this. I thought this channel is informative interesting and cosmic, but ppl like this are eternal drama queens I had this through post-modern education, they will guilt others into their perspective no matter what, and rub that onto you, idk this is the worst and most interesting piece of art I have seen, similar to most post-modern art shows.

I posted a different video showing it’s inflated and just panic, but they add panic to the panic claiming it solves the paradox? This is very bad, I am so glad sensible decision making to adress this is made in quiet places, but quiet frankly I am glad I found Wilbers content, most likely this is the subcurrent I would project onto him with hatred, or the community etc.

Also, this type of vile toxicity comes from the U.K a lot and proper sense-making is missing, and they are all about arts and expression not self-transcendence this is the identity bullshit tarned in arts, not even expressed as they feel bad about expressing their unique identity, and will deny it, and most likely more people will become healthily post-modern! As we can express that unique quality, as some sense of her is in that too! Speaking to the artist behind the curtain, in the end I know I decided for different things, this type of art I will not pay 1€ to watch it or even the 20 cents as a sub, I don’t know there are so many subtle cultural identifications and I had discussions like this with feminists, and recently I saw a joke online by feminist in a video game, she said if I am a feminist than I just want sex, and I thought that felt very honest, but the whole issue of embracing feelings, I am pretty sure the average post-modernist underestimates the range of feelings and barely has access to them, as they don’t go inside, this a classical example of my generations, I put again “my” generations issue, high cognitive development, but stuck in post-modernism, and the issue of value judging, and not the network experience I had with a.i & others spaces, and the opportunities there where you engage more the entire T1 & T2 spectrum and look for solutions, as they intutively get the scope morally, but also are most likely stuck on the issue of maximizing profit, but quiet frankly this does nothing anymore, these people don’t have power, they are children in the face of real power, never aspired to it, abuse the power dynamic in their own victimhood, and even if they would be good leaders, they cling way to much to human support etc and then stick to their groups, so the few brave ones that actually venture into the jungle of diverse perspective and people, you find them on the most famous and random podcast, all of this niche, b.s espeically how childish philosophy is, and how they even ring with that notion from my POV, because of the issue of sex, and seeing the rise of mythology and the unknown with the scientific benefit, it’s ironic how this is inevitable as they barely provide economic value, it’s not a real science in that sense of concret object, even if I like philosophy etc. This is by far the worst thing I see so many core issues of collective pain attached to this, it’s vile.

I am pretty sure I am learning why I loved microtechnology, this is also why a spiritual practice as yoga or meditation is so important as you get the experience, they don’t really get that they just want cultural power and pride, it shocked me how much pride is in post-modernity, I thought these people learn from WWII but they are so wounded, I don’t get their wounds neither seems there to be a capability to understand as that pride blocks the spiritual dimension, pride is attainment not attunement.

Attuning to love, you will be hardcoded at one point, if you’re so dumb, to flaunt pride in this post-moderny pluralistic value spectrum it feels so bad I rather think nothing and do some inquiry into the nature of existence, instead of arguing about it or creating a 50 minute video, that with proper inquiry and curiosity would not be this unique expression of pride, but the entire reframe I see with this, I am pretty sure why I am personally seeing this, I hate this type of entertainment, snobbery, aristocracy and flaunting the feeling of self and inflating it, till you’re not right anymore, like feels great.

I watched some other interesting podcasts, to put myself away as post-modernism is a beast of a self-surviving mechanism and leeches values most likely how advanced reinforcement systems leech value, I am not putting any attention to that type of entertainment, I’d rather see Epstein back, and see what actually happend with his money, investments etc. If I just see some b.s and sense some of the b.s if I question liberal as well as centrist types of corruption, but in the end, I think their information has a lot of value the whole information entropy thing and the science of computer science wil be so important in the next years, as people are very very stuck in cultural ideas of reality, and don’t know enough science to make progress, I neither I bought some books, but there is so much, it really takes someone unique and not flamboyantly special to cover this, and post-modernism is the actual nazi in the recent years, I started to hate it so much people projected it onto me even for healthy expressions of it, it’s f*ed, especially the nuance of big picture intuition, seems to be so lost.

Every inquiry with A.I will be a better truth seeking tool, if I ask it proper questions that does not feed my bias or worldview, and even then I can check in with other humans, or continue to think for myself, the panic all of this has done, most likely that is the point beyond repair, fucked up post-modernistic prideful Adolfs with 2 legs, like ever since I can think of I disliked pride vehementely as it starts cults and creates such a negative pull, and even healthy forms of pride turns into self-love, healthy self-admiration and worship.

Idk but these people are not working out their wounds properly they are victimizing their own self-identity and capitalize it, and put that as art. Idk man, like I don’t care I will not care, there are evolutionary truths that these people deny, that I don’t like either, but they do like nothing to negate that and it would change so much, but in the end. I am very much done with every inflammatory content.

I share this, as to show my core issue with post-modernism I will write and say more about it, it’s to lazy and arrogant to guide humans and develop the proper ropes, and teach, it’s unaware of the entire spiral of development, and imo integralist felt prey to vanity and the excessive flaunting of it, and their wild and bash angry radicalized world pov with the intellecutal defensive mechanism, idk it’s odd I will not watch content like this. I will also not engage with humans like this, it leaves me a very very bad sting in my stomach, that I took the right path and these assholes still sabotage you provide 0 value, and I am not contributing to this, the level of anger, and demon in me, hates such people with the tremendously perception possible at one point, I know how to not identify with that, that is a healthy paradox, but I don’t want to be near that type of power or morphic field, as well as capricous arbitariness.

There is to much about health & science that corrects that, but this is art gone wrong, especially in the age of a.i, this was fine 10 years ago, but today?

I don’t know and quiet frankly I get the undercurrent of why this happens, as men and post-modernism itself does not allow the proper exploration of feminity and women if this all is perfectly accurate at this masculine stage do a lot a lot of damage, especially with some shadows, I think this is why integral valued healthy umber, but that causes the issue of transhumanism, and slavery, simply even historically.

I did not anticipate even if it’s written in the books, in the end enjoying life like a tiger is my easiest answer to this before studying animals and steadily engaging in stage green and blue slavery of existence holy fucking cow, that level of tolerance is unberable, as that is not even acceptance, and that type of eros of love and accepting a human being who he is, if there is an entire philosophy dependent upon defening it’s own perspective under it’s own guise of values and can’t be in a true state of inquiry IT IS NOT PHILOSOPHY EVEN IF THE PATTERN IS REPETITIVE;

This is by far the worst and vile forms, even just from what I’ve read and makes it obvious why post-modernism is an aping of turqouise and lived spirituality, this is so freaking bad, I did not watch more to get a bigger picture, but what I learned here and what I’d be required to integrate I train privately, but omfg britian is such a fucked country from a post-modern perspective, idk man.

I know how I learrned healthy post-modernism from a young age, I partially engaged in it, and enjoyed it, but it’s pride now becomes evident to me, I was to smart for myself, and started to work and refine my pride and put it into human value that is intangible!!! AS IT’S MADE UP OR SURVIVAL IDK I seldom been so angry, and can’t explain why, but I know why because it’s the lack of leadership and my own inner childishness and most likely just the complexity of being part of the human species, I am still convinced any biologist is way beyond this human non-sense, but we’re not taking science to enjoy what humans have enjoyed for eons, let alone out of pissyness, pride and anger, and you can do that about the right stuff, but if it’s not working to get pissed at conservatives what is the point?!

How often I heared the n*word in a “post-modern society”, in a post-modern school system, for a diverse set of humans, just to relate to humans how much pain that caused, I give you a pain equivalency, how about I rape and fuck you, kill your children out of reincarnation and utterly destroy urr existence out of sheer glee and all that Jazz and Joy, and you can’t even make a show about it, it is insane how masculine energy alone is just being hated, AND THIS WILL NOT WORK 100%, the irony is I am convinced this ironically will make immigrants, minorities and diversity stronger, as they don’t have to engaged in this fractured artifically created culture!!! This is the artificially created fracture, this is so bad that is similar to taking any piece of inspiring history out of a lecture to engage humans, similar to a phiosophic perspective on science, as well as others I am just going to shut-up, I am pretty sure this is why psychedelics exist, purity conformist anti-psychdelic, but I am such a glamerous being and totally not subconsciously identified inflated value, it’s the biggest b.s like cosmetics I can’t even believe how these people look partially, it’s very very very bad.

Maybe I am a huge asshole on this, but I am gone if I see post-modernism expressed like this, and integral impulses are being shut-downed, and quiet frankly as soon as I I can more visible competence these people will attack and deconstruct everything to suck value out of everything, there is no dignity in that art, I am convinced porn has more art than this b.s, just sex itself not as narccistic fantasy, but an actual sexual act, even in costume! As cosmologist of sex, but we get exactly this european b.s! These people to me are like the leftist amercians that suddenly turn right, but they are indoctirnated by their hikes, and scientific progress and believe I am human, idk the more I am contemplating biology and health, which ironically gave me huge breakthroughs spiritualy, it’s amazing how little I will pay attention etc. to this, and I am pretty sure it will die out, this is the worst of the worst of post-modernism.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEER7DYlNEo)

This video goes into the actual reality that is happening, I am so done with most things I deleted every b.s I watched and got into to survive the pressure of this group b.s, and in the end I am mostly watching pure science stuff, even if it’s wrong or I don’t fully understand and there is enough relativism in it, to see how it all plays out in the fractal perspective, that is partialy true, partialy whole, and partialy untrue and partialy not whole, and fragmented, and not stuck in flatland deconstruction, even if you’re right, nothing against empathizing with someone, I would even find it funny if someone would explain me things that are quiet vile, but that type of hostitlity does not exist, idk it’s strange very very strange.

I watched this podcast, also which was interesting and the post-modern symbolism, is very very very bad I don’t know what is happening, but I am tired of being seen as a cat, or as a grey-mouse or some other b.s by some old post-modernist that enact scripts from high school, that don’t even existed for me!!!

It’s weird, I don’t know it’s so bad.

Then again there is the psychological domain, of handling this panic, what do we do?

I find it so ironic I had to stop watching everything, that I looked for insights, and just look at people that to some extend speaking about their insights, it’s still strange but, any post-modernists I am so freaking gone from any cultural events and culture things that has no value to me, for a very very very very long time, like play Leibniz or Gödel, Euler, Fourier and the history of that in the theater maybe society would change and the story of this, but it’s to diffcult? I guess.

I can watch a Chris Brown video about water of fire and get deeper spiritual insights and actual philosophy than the first video I posted, it’s so bad, like bad beyond anything, that is like how my exes mother said to her not because of me but because of other things she would never give birth to black children that is horrible and deplorable! Do I have less value than you? Or are you just being human and help where you can and realize NOBODY GIVES A SHIT, my own tyrannical child is partially activated I know it, and it’s the core issue of post-modernism with some facts given here, for e.g student protests etc. in america and how many of them were in reality!!! THAT USED THE BE A POST-MODERN WORD REALITY I HAD THAT EXPERIENCE AS OF RECENTLY; BUT I CAN TELL YOU YOU’RE TO DUMB FOR THAT SCIENCE; AND EVEN TAKE FUNDS FROM ME???

How am I supposed to feel, but this was the vile racism of post-modernists I could hold a cosmic rant about this, and I fucking hate it, the more of this comes out, at best just ban my account or smth. this is by far why I’d even hate humans, but we most likely require this for contemplative reasons, or I can go back to my cave, and be a cultural relic and token for some bratty philosopher kid.

This is like zoomer levels of sociology, not metrics pump the a.i flip a coing, pull the lever, say oink, oink and eventually we get the result is that different from unsupervised learning? No, I am convinced the zoomer sociologist is better. w/e this is whatever you will project in that post-modern frame, you’re legit the nazi of our time, and it feels like I am near a peasent the more I contemplate this, I frankly hate this, but I said so much vile, hostile and toxic shit, because of the censorship culture, I am so done with this, I am not paying this any attention or buy into that culture, there is better and more globally applied information like the russian dude, and this art is not entertainment it’s shock value pump and dump scheme of post-modern information, idk what is worse Owen Cook or this is also not normal!!!

Integral is normal, but this is not normal it’s post-modernism dressed as normal, luckily this channel is old, like even the stuff that Leo Gura did, there is so much wrong with it, you can’t make up the mistakes, but it’s the same tyrannical child.

I don’t know there is more I could say, but people that did not have the privilege to grow-up in two cultures and are envious about it and butt sore about it and in denial and use intellecutal defensive mechanisms, that will be the end of the world, it’s so weird, the more I contemplate this and see oh I had this, and other stuff the more I realize how bad this get’s with pride and identity, especially the U.K & American versions of it, but it swapped over so heavily through social media, it’s very bad very very bad, I am so glad I never ever have to face this in my private life, I did not grow up with this and have an actual experience of multicultrualism, not cartoons and wishy-washy stuff, but yeah there are other issues that are very evident and it mostly comes down to power, and the whole point of me not enjoying the human species I am very happy when I am gone, entirely and not some prideful tyrannical do-gooder, or both.

I am pretty done after evolutionary algorithms most humans won’t fathom this and what Elon did is fking nasty.

It’s legit a trauma of the tyrannical child or when Shinzen speaks about the terrible 2’s for the omniscient among us, gosh idk what to say.

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This YouTube channel is most likely the best I found in the recent quater, I love science, and culture, but all of this radicalized materalist centrist and relgious stuff destroyed a lot of things, it’s not even the right wing, they just voted, the issue is seriously mostly evolutionary biological drives, and killing each other for it, also economically.

It’s like seeing baby hair in a hip-hop video. Idk it’s very very strange, but at this point I am highly curating what is interesting to me, might be a survival skill, you never know at one point we really have to deselect raiders from our planet as they are killing our progress towards becoming an inter-galactic species, and I bet it won’t be what you imagine it to be, it would be funny if that is that post-modern stage of development in T4 or T3 or smth. that would be funny, as it’s actually a complex and dangerous task dealing with people who like this, and you can even enjoy it and buy into it.

Anyhow, I stop at this point, I am very glad I started to transcend and include evolution, and not just transcend it, but yeah idk it’s very stange what vanity did to our culture in the last 25 years, I am still convinced degeneracy to some extend has more class, especially the economic perception of it, but I just learned this recently and I am just swinging lingo, I am very very much done with a lot of things.

Let’s see if I can ever meet a normal human. With normal I mean integral and not matrix-simulator conspiracy theoriest, and I hope this biases die out ín the next years, but I will have to see some pain body stuff will come up and I will not be able to eliminate it entirely, a lot of it is group think and evolutionary advantages that are beneficial in different enviroments, idk this reminds me of the goodness I experience in China, and just the whole process of having privileges here in our education system, but it’s full of vile snakes, envy, and people who can’t properly expand their own domain in their field with the power pressures that exist, but I guess it’s an evolutionary process of us becoming a global species and not a global half-broken family tribe, I find it also interesting that the core of post-modernism, shadow work and healing, as well as empathy and relative truth seeking for scientific inquiry is the core of what I’d say makes a healthy human, and it does not even have to be scientific, just normal, this is the definition of normal, but yeah we will see.

Just please give me more of this, especially with this crazy nasa new-age conspiracy theory shit that measures some stuff and creates beliefs systems out of this. It’s amazing, but yeah I will most likely watch a lot of this guys content, this is simply fascinating.

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This is also super fascinating, let alone the sheer intuition I gained from my parents about this, is amazing and what I’d personally do if I would not have this scar since birth that complicates things on a level, science is not there yet as it involves a lot of energy, even just as a diagnostic… but this is pretty good, I’d leaned more into ketotnic eating, as it’s very difficult here to get any healthy food, even the most “woke” I will call him “woke” as Jesus came to his bed and prayed to his mitochondria or smth.

Complained about german super markets etc. generally it’s a bit more advanced, I’d say even hacked, but research is not backing it properly or test that you could devise, so you can only opt for pragmatism, in that sense, I still don’t like the panic and that is what I find interesting more out of the TCM perspective as some things are a bit different but in the end. I am very very curious I will ask GPT a bunch of things before I will go to any doctor, and actually get a proper health check-up not my druggy medicine for some b.s and get poisned at work with whatever they want to feed with me, it’s very strange how people make dieatary choices, it’s the nr.1 religion still when shit hits the fan at one point you realize oh I just made the wrong food choice, but this feeds right into the progeny propaganda, they are just afraid the U.S will be out of funds and outcompeted by other nations rightfully so, very curious, especially about smaller stuff for e.g just working out and drinking tea helped me to fast and think and some subtelties I can test with more funds as it costs me a lot of money to buy and store these foods, but this is also partially a thing I don’t enjoy discussing as I had very negative experiences with people who had a lack of ressources as children or fluctiations and I did not really have that, more lack of options and wrong choices, and even then my mother etc. helped me a lot with making me food where I feel well and good, and to support my growth, very sad what bad YouTube content can do, but often times the wrong people are demonized on a subconscious level.

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This episode is fantastic even in my bachelors I recall we dove into bayes, and during masters I did entirely different things, but I was a bit to late from the collective protective zeitgeist where you constantly see emergence, I was so shocked by all of this, and yearned for this.

Now it’s very different, but what that shows me simply is how attuning to love, especially stabilized teal & turqouise realities or entries to these realities to me, I only did this for fun, I meditated countless of hours to different frequencies and music, as my father was a musician and I always had a very sensetive taste to it etc. but when I now use ChatGPT to check my own intuition I see the similarity and the difference of I make presumptions, even if there is a subtle harmony to it, and I get why some people just nerd out as social fans on this stuff, but to stop here.

This is awesome, I really enjoyed to look up the history of some of the humans that contributed to the human speices, as part of this beautiful play, at times, even if it’s quiet rough, what I notice is how much integral work I’ve done and integrated, especially before I started the journal and how tricky it was to even get into that space, when there was no complexity around me and I just played chess and studied chess, I had such weird phenomena happening.

Anyhow, this was very good attuning to love gave me 2 jobs I liked and I attuned highly to that frequency as two women married, but I had one power fixated person that panic’ed to immensely and it was not good sure some of it was fine, but I am glad if visualization worked 2-3 times for a high paying career practically in a.i as a setup to architect, as I was very deeply in that space, as well as attracted me a relationship with the heavy pain attanuation I did, it will work again, and I can include more spiritual principles similar from Deepak and this was very good, I don’t know what else to truly write, but I very much enjoyed this video, especially with what I found out, this should generally work very well and in 1-2 months I am pretty sure I can work consistently at 70% max capacity of were I was or the new version of that, I update my models a lot, but what I find more difficult is to go to a place where I can update my model more frequently and my body does not break and I am supported by health factors.

I had the strangest freaking dream, ever I usually don’t dream I don’t know if I cracked the formular besides drinking alcohol, I simply worked out in the norwegian 4x4 but I barely hit the 4 min at 85% heart rate capacity, especially as I don’t know if I break something and my body is hyperadapative, there are some sensory issues with my scar, but it creates a strange morphic field, and I have to be careful to some extend.

Anyhow, what I dreamed about was a women I was in love with years ago that I introduced integral into, but all of these umber mechanical ways of explanation had to suffice while I was doing the basics and the integration, as the sufficied and otherwise things would’ve gone sour, and how this sort of created this animalistic split in humanity to some extend that still lingers, that I fixed for me with this BaZi stuff, as I know how all of this will play out, and the issues of post-modernism that I am not entertaining, there are some benefits, but you mainly have that with the ones that were smart enough to integrate it and not play identity games, and see behind the curtain of the ones who were forced to play it, and see behind the curtain as they know that part is not the true self, it’s a social identity etc.

Just the term power-fixated is awesome, my whole old new friend group is and heavily is power fixated centrist leaning libs, who’re lost in this conversation with post-modernists even more than me, and I received ressources even if it was just friendship or companionship, and I learned the worldview, but quickly meditated myself out of it with the integral and scientific/software engineering perspectives, also the HCI & UX perspectives I had to learn and that heavily leaned teal, but only the best leaned teal, most students used some other tool, I had a pretty strong group, and I yearned to push it most likely to holistic and we found multiple sweet spots. I’d say this was also still the best group work that we did, as they touched upon all of this, and practically we we’re I don’t fully recall acting more and the basis of data science, which I also had recently and that was quiet interesting, but it was very strange the whole post-modern education system, and the issues of it moving teal, while I’d say, especially in coding many American cultures and coding cultures lean heavily teal, I am pretty sure this got attacked by some european “hogwash”, I had some good instructors on some ends, and some bad ones, so I got the european version of it, and unironically this was an american military basis during some war, so I was constantly contemplating some things that felt very well to my heart space.

I right now will continue to do what works, and not add to much stuff, the little things I added here and there are enough, but I am removing a lot of things still during my meditation.

I watched this now also:

What stuck to me is the point of Power Fixation and how a culture of greatness can’t be formed or split when there is a drive or aspiration for greatness this has also been a huge inspiration to me personally, but all of this Trump & post-modern stuff destroyed the cultural support for greatness in european culture based on the norms we already had in place, especially I noticed this in language and the language appreciated by more verbose people, it certainly helped, the only part I did not like I trained a bit while listening to it, was the self-control part, I thought more temperance or equanmity and recovery seemed to be missing these are problems I face, I trained a lot a lot of mindfulness in my free time, and it’s not even properrly possible energetically, only the accelerated part of and decelerated parts of it, especially with neighbours for e.g that never practiced mindful walking or eating, I am pretty sure I tortured some people to death with this, but if they were interested in me, they enjoyed it and sometimes I also feel prone to slothfulness, but it’s more like I am forgetting time completely and I enter timelesness if I can practice this, this was what happend to me in study groups and eating at the cafteria during uni times, generally the whole issues of time, ever since I had one experience is very very prone to my enviroment, how much I can stretch the boundary of this, it works here to, but idk that is something I’d really like to speak about with a person, and most likely the deepest part of inquiry where I still have to read some stuff and not only practice, as I had a very good practice of retreats, practice but I felt like cultural envy kicked in, and it was often odd how it played out and who helped me, it’s very very weird, especially without a family supporting only one person etc.

My biggest problem is health, over-working if I get traction and sabotage from others, and finding ways to relax, also the whole point of attunement goals I don’t have the ressources to join it, so I am improvising and gpting it but generally speaking I am mainly using visualization and contemplation, and setting up structures, I don’t really set goals anymore, I set goals for this quater so much b.s happend I am chilling before I set goals again, the level of anger is very real due to sabotage and tyrannical children I write about and the lack of social support. This might be the issue of vain glory attainment culture, I found multiple different ways to deal with that, but attunement goals might work, similar to attuned spirnts, but that format is changing due to a.i, so I am a bit skeptical, but I would most likely join and see all of this.

Anyhow I am stoping here.

589

I meditate on love one day, one day, I got out and instantly cannabis everytime I either did not meditate etc. nothing, sometimes I wonder how much I alone did to influence to morphic social field of ger, it’s insane and immense, but yeah love in the age of a.i is the only thing that makes sense to me, no wonder all of this right-wing shit happens… everytime it’s love…

590

After diving into astrology, I sort of get the core and tarot, I sort of get the core issue Sadghuru spoke about, but I realized a bit to late how important love in this age or decade I am in is, also previously also just the humansness and how it’s partially tied to a.i & data, and generally everything I love, I find it a bit ironic, but it is something that is missing, generally speaking I will most likely attune more to love and otherr emotions, and repeat this besides doing any typing or other type of work, and visualizing also especially the point of getting rid of certain things etc.

I don’t quiet know how to put it into words, but especially if people just huff all of these cannabis weed etc. over me, I process this to some extend in my meditation tangentially, I am curious how this will turn out the last time, I was doing this for an extended period I had serious depressions and worked myself out of it with exercise and making new friends, I told them all of this, but this clearly shows me some things, also what I get wrong about emotions, especially also some of the sublte hijacks, but I have to see I am surprised this works so fast and so slow at the sametime, especially the very deep viscerals shifts.

This also negates a lot of the negative experiences I had ever since Elon was there, and obstructed this whole game of love with his agenda, especially seeing the difference between detached and more unconditional love, and the cravings and attachments of the need to be loved, as well as the difference in the transcendent notion of self, and especially pride when it comes to love, as well as the difference between just selflessness in a type of detached state, and actually experiencing some form of self-love, or that self that arises I wonder a bit about this, but this felt extremely good!

Not in the enthusiastic type of über-energetisch type of energy, but just the acutal notion of transendence, I am very curious and will continue this, I will not do any self-help tip or advice anymore I can’t integrate in the framework that works forever and do any extras, I don’t know how to express this in words, especially as I used more extroverted means of accountability for example, but the automatism of self-love and self-care, as well as the intensity of self-hatred I wonder if the self-hatred truly was only situational or due to the umberness I experienced with my friends.

But I seriously stop here, there are so much false information out there, out of the simple truth, even the best in one field orr multiple can’t know everything and developing intuition through meditation, life experience and perception, as well as reading, anyhow I guess all of this Rumi talk thing is for a reason, I was close to having a breakthrough but this was all to intense that breakthrough was already 6 years ago possible, yet the core issue with my aunt, ah yes!!!

I thought about the notion of non-dual love, and space and emptiness but simply space, and that felt very healing I have never done that visually, usually it hits me and I am just in a state of abundance or something beyond I describe it also did not hit me that often that I could say usually, but I get a taste of it relatively often, what I want to say is I never thought I could utilize it.

I watched a video on non-dual awareness usually I never watch this, and just now I understood some things vehementely differently, especially self & world appearing.

My dreams are getting a bit weird I am getting more control, and it’s more realistic to what I experience not as abstract anymore

591

I just looked up with GPT all of the NoFap and porn stuff I went through as it’s prevalent in every dating advice, and I did this partially succesfully, but the only way and I tried this recently was more of these daoist cycles, and I just catched wind of that in a video from a shaolin monk, it made sense to use, and I find generally it’s the best middle way or path, instead of brute forcing both ends and you sort of do that automatically the more your focused on your vision or activities relevant to it.

The literature from a GPT query does not seem to be indicative and IIRC that is also what I read back when a.i did not exist… for e.g that men who view this etc. have smaller grey area etc. but they did not know if they already have reduced grey matter there, or if porn caused it, I would presume it’s more of the latter, what I also find interesting even good dating coaches I like or men who help me, I don’t really know what to think as I am quiet an outlier with the scar I have since birth and the issue of meridian perspectives or having a tcm perspective, generally my own perspective has been the more liberal I am with my sex drive and the more I can sublimate the energy while learning about energy itself in my body the better, for my personal experience being around horny men or men who just have a high sex drive that is not attenuated can be very exhausting, and even if my sex drive is high, I quiet frankly enjoy it more to engage in slightly longer but not so frequent interractions with such people like going out and having a good time, but then focusing on goals etc. and vision.

I don’t quiet know, what to say I find most advice from anyone at this stage, even at integral some parts of it I notice how difficult it is, it’s not like a trained military professional who is forced to train you so you life your life to the best way possible to not cause shame to millions of others or you comrades, and hence it’s a scuffed at times, crude, or vile?

I don’t quiet know the vile part got me thinking with the word popping up in videogames, the issue of sex it must be very repetitive to the U.S people in Germany even professors told me americans are very prudish with sex, and even if it’s most likely socially not as extrem as before, many of these men groups just gather around and talk about it as if it’s the panacea to a lot of problems, and even if it works for them and I find that great, I don’t get why it’s so heavily emphasized even with masturbation for me the best sex and the success I had from women did not come from being confident etc. but more relaxed, chill and humerous as well as having ressources, but I also don’t really lack the other parts naturally, I developed a good deal of self-irony and I know my quirks better daily, what I find weird is that the middle path is not spoken about at all, also it just does not work for me, after the stuff I’ve been through, but it might work for me, and I also I experience self-love and other characteristics meanawhile with it, I don’t quiet get it but before I get into the details I stop.

The way Deida teaches this it’s very difficult and I enjoy the mindful approach more, to engage with it with awareness and exploring body desires and needs transcending and including them or sublimating, I find most advice when I think about it does not work very much for me, I also find it a bit difficult when you automatically have sex appeal, there are some traps and benefits to this, but someone has to be able to take on the perspective and see if it fits with their value frame, today was also a day where I thought having values loosely and seeing what sticks over years was a good approach, the taking action part was the best part but I got injured so quickly, just by the issues that would pop-up anyway, the preventative path that I am taking now is better, the entire world has moved to a reactive stance, and that subtle scattered fear mindedness might be a good idea to focus on love, gratitude, forigveness and abundance or some parts of richness/wealth from the inside to get it also from the outside and appreciate the outside in, but keep a sense of dignity and respect about it, a baseline respect of apprecation of what you’ve gathered and now can enjoy.

Anyhow, I am pretty much done also with every tarot/astrology stuff besides a few that give insights, doing it for myself I also lost relatively quickly interest, but I might use it at times, I don’t think these things are for me, it’s odd when I work with symbology I get the patterns relatively quickly and I only look for new developments or insights, but in the end the tool has not as much value as I thought, but the combination of insights and tools I built, I am very curious how that will play out when I have a baseine strength and faith in myself again, and I could rest now after all what happend and I see through more lies, especially silent self-love feels verry good, I find it weird I test it twice, and a couple of very subtle positive things happen, but these are also the things that annoyed me like cannabis, people asking for favours or help, but I often find some new clue or thing that allows me to abstract further and have more insights, and take proper action, generally the principle of letting go forr years served me the most, I had to face a fair amount of pain very early at a time where you can build strong foundations for success, in the end a lot of what people projection upon me, became part of a self-fulliling prophecy as it was to much, but it clearly showed me something about them and me, also that some people who’re rather normal are quiet dangerous, anyhow I still can learn plenty.

I just find the advice overblown, and I see some core issues with it, very difficult to put into words and to speak about, the new path I paved is way easier to walk, still challenging and not as dramatic, the self-love exercises I did for a couple of years really now are bearing fruits, I never touched non-dual self-love as taste so closely with so little practice but the sensory clarity is very high, that generally is my best abillity under shinzens system sensory clarity, flow, and concentration and equanimity depend, I would naturally be better in concentration and flow, but the scar forces me to focus a lot on sensation, so I am constantly noticing undulations, expansion & contractions, space, vanishings of sensations etc.

Today was a day where I thought I’d really like to hold a mini-retreat or mico-retreat, I did these as they fitted better into my schedule, what shocks me is just how people react online and offline, there are still the ones sort of trapped in the weirdness of millenials I call it, who suddenly love hitler and their family and jesus idk, very strange but to me it looks like they enjoy doing that I mostly laugh when I hear this because it’s ridiculous, it’s an atrocity what happend, but generally speaking it’s not worth it to not work in a trusted group with someone for me in such settings and to speak about these things.

Anyhow a lot of ideas, but yeah this just feels good. I gave myself a quick hit of this, without the meditation music, even in the recent years I yearned to focus on love, and I had a lot of beautiful things, to see especially with the universe and my interestes, but somehow now I am disinterested I always wondered how strongly some parts of this have been driven by the collective unconscious desire for progress, but I also very much enjoy and love these topics, I don’t know it’s a bit weird that post-modernist lifestyle sort of made all of this unappealing.

592

I bought an audiobook, especially that covers some of the issues I’ve seen and realized in the recent years, I am more aware now I am close to done. I wonder if I will write about it, but I will first observe it I have some qualms more about where to consistently find safe spaces, and not be sucked into cultural narratives that are negative, or not true critical thinking, just skpeticism and I realize now how this reactionary stance is a benefit to me, reminds me of the zen retreat I did in 2017, but I am going to be very silent about this I had so much negative experiences of this, and I contemplate morals a lot and had some advantages in this ironically imo due to living vegan and vegterian, and I never thought how closely I’d fit this, there is some cooler stuff, but I clearly realize how important it is to find common sense, and that vanity is going to be a bigger issue in the future then degeneracy etc. especially also the subtle forms snobishness, and that type of stuff and the tyrannical child type of thing, I am still working through this, but I am making progress as to why that is, but on a soul level, there is not much I can do besides meditation, if I contemplate reincarnation that far.

Very curious how still will naturally all kick in, these are things I enjoyed very much some information clearly shows or tells me, the core issue of some people, also this closet type of thing that got me thinking, generally I won’t be able to deal with such people for a longtime, many are ill or lack the capacity to provide that type of specilization, idk there are many subtle things, but quiet frankly this is way better than doomsday media, I might download also some other applications as news stories etc. it’s extremely unenjoyable and misses the opportunity to customize, very curious but this is exactly what is happening and I am personally predicting it will be impossible, but yeah I am glad I partially faced my hypocrisy for a longtime, and wondered about things, till I had a more authentic & integral experience of topics and things, now figuring out what works, will be interesting, what shocks me the most is a core issue I might face in the next years, but I am leaving this out mostly, as a lot of this to me feels discriminatory so I am looking directly for another ocean, and I am pretty sure I already found it, but one thing I notice is simply this I am disinterested in leading tyrannical children, there is a pattern that I am breaking with love, that shows me a maturity they are not ready of.

Very curious what will happen but I stop here, I get why I don’t trust certain people anymore, especially why I watch them more closely and why I dislike them and integrated them with shadow work, loving my own tyrannical self will be interesting, but idk for now I am out. I generally don’t enjoy being around this type of bitterness and self-created bitterrness and some other core issues I am contemplating.

This is also were my psychologist had tremendous value, I know how that space felt and I know what I don’t yearn to have in my life, or what nowadays is called demon, to much bitterness and anger.

I am very glad I did the courses from Keith Witt either the partial ones from integral mindfulness or the loving completely course, as they transcend some notions I was worried about and taking care of now, as well as the entire field then gives me insights again, the integration process etc. Is something that happens more naturally as I meditate and reflect, but I have not done that in an attuned goal oriented way, and the visionary aspect I learned is something that sort of attunes me automatically and the stuff from Deepak I did not fully integrate yet in the subtle ways it worked for me.

593

I still wonder about some stuff quiet frankly, I am not posting it here, as I am unsure how far this goes, and there is so much science involved, but it fits part of the pattern perfectly, I did a 45 minute session of meditation.

I contemplated some subtle things, especially the dreaming part and some other things and I notice how beneficial coffee is to me, this was very interesting and fitted the scientific paradigm that was partially missing, or I could look up in different ways and some historical things I read, but all very interconnected and interdisciplinary, generally speaking this was very interesting from everything I learned and digested, and the best and most ironic part are the insights of the meditations, the core issue is I am convinced that some of these insights, especially if this get’s so many views, there is no need to click it obviously there are incentives, but this is similar to what I experienced in reality, and why I opted out, it’s part of my courage of showing up.

What I am thinking more about is, some other factors that helped me to distinguish my lifestyle, and a lot of negtativity that comes from stuff, I am not speaking about as well as see some differences, I should also not dream now, only on very rare occasions and hit some causal or rather high subtle dream, I don’t dream if I drink coffee, very rarely and if it’s highly relevant to time and dimensions of time, otherwise I am mainly and fundamentally letting go of the negative influence mentors had of me, which they most likely will never be able to make up for, there are very liberating notions thinking of them being gone but more akin to a grace of god itself, it’s a very dark suble manipulating force, it’s not entirely bad, but the core shadow of tyrannical child and the pattern of this is what is the core factor that exactly creates that type of compassionate foolishness, but it’s strictly caused by nefarious types of manipulation this is very very subtle, and most likely only possible to perceive for mental/psychic online games people play and the denial game that people don’t play these games to get an one-upmanship, this is as much as I noticed and will say.

There is something else I noticed, and most likely is the positive pattern to this, otherwise I am doing my best to be abreast with the new health changes flooding into the health industry and supermarkets, parts of it are impossible and I am prone to changing my entire kitchen utensiles to generally contain less microplastics etc.

Generally I do everything people ill-adviced me of sub-consciously or unconsciously and I could not entirely work through with my psychologist, and generally this was interesting but fundamentally it’s the core issue of an archetype, I see this partially in myself, just had an insight about this, and I get why the person dislikes it, or people like this, but it’s the same answer mostly it’s envy, and denial this is my subjective experience and a lack of denial of their own hatred and bitterness very strongly projected for social one-upmanship most people just negate entirely out of the paradigm were in, I contemplated this with something else I wondred about.

I watched something that is interesting, but I stop idk but it makes sense, curious what will prop op, I am not posting this also, it’s ironic to what is happening idk does not make sense to my own mind or chitta? I don’t quiet know what to say or think, but it was very interesting, it’s a bit odd that it’s the same paradox the people that think they do good do the most harm, the people that are actually just coming from goodness have nothing to proof or give evidence for. I am not using any other terms of what I learned by the enviousness of the baseline culture, I saw enough goodness to not speak, I am pretty sure you’ve read or seen my cosmic rants at this point, but quite frankly idk what to say about this.

I lost a lot what I could technically recover, and at times I don’t like watching people who’re above saint level, it’s immense what information is transmitted if I could speak to them and the makiyo b.s I went through I don’t know what else to say, but I hope this is it, oh yeah I read some ancillary stuff, that is interesting and fits the strange competitive pattern and some stuff about history I was interested in, but fundamentally the podcast gave me the insight neccessary, to ask more questions.

Had also some good memories with my father, even if I cut the contact entirely, I was pretty much done with everything adulting adults who claim to be adults, but act on a level of ignorant gang members, eventually acting is the wrong term, more akin to their mind is at a gang member level, but they are not finding a channel for that, and deny it. Anyhow most “quasi-adults” would get the issue, but with the lack of leadership and growth and just the communiality with humans that is the best baseline level of humanness I get otherwise it’s a jungle, eventually cats become healthy tigers but idk.

Parts of me transcended a lot of these animalistic parts, and finds good outlets for this that are not as karmic I presume as the whole paradigm I see at work and sex, and the coldplay stuff, but it’s still odd, I am using also more causal language that I used at green that somehow worked for me but got co-opted by power fixated freaks, I don’t know what will happen there, but fundamentally I am looking to get the most stuff out of myself with this preventative style of meditation I did the whole time.

I also don’t think I will ever go to a doctor anymore after this, also very glad I did not undergo the operation some of this subtle stuff is shocking even if I don’t know the truth the behaviour of the person makes it evident, and science is quiet, if this goes up to the Bundestag and the b.s we have idk, generally it makes me loose hope in governance, but ultimately I am pretty sure it’s still positive, but tbh they it’s annoying partially to deal with humaness who easily get ill. I have not been ill in ages, only if there are thousands of vulnerable people it’s super annoying I am very resilliant, especially since I started meditating now idk, but humans and their intuition annoyed me, sigh enough of this, not another cosmic rant.

594

I contemplated a few things people generally seem to get crazy about, especially how much of their pride is attached to it, and had some nicer insights about stuff, generally I am being a bit superstious, due to various patterns and things repeating itself, and I don’t quiet know what to say or think about it, but I am getting some clarity out of it, but I am not torturing myself, it’s as if that is the karma of the ones who just selfishy gather all ressources out of endless greed for themselves and play ignorant and innocent.

I was unsure if I should post this, but this generally ever happend till some stuff came in, I am looking for ways to work around this, as the fundamental thing that happend and it was one of my fundamental joys and generally something I do regardless, I don’t know what to say about this, I can easily give a rational reason or multiple or even more, but a lot of this stems from the “I am supposed to take care of the bitterness of others” and some classist post-modern subtle notions of reality very subtle where I notice attunement and meditation would already have worked wonders.

It’s a weird thing, and I don’t have hope anyone understands it’s mostly akin to hurt people hurt hurt people, and the extremeties of how people play victim and are only able to engage in domination and not conflict resolution or create a space where they give ressources to help the other person, what they actually need not what they think they need.

I don’t quiet know what to say about this, but generally speaking large parts when I wake up and don’t do any self-care have to do with the negative attitudes the person projected upon me on a subtle level, and then acts like as if it has nothing to do with them, and I’ve been watching some videos about how you feel when interacting with certain people, what I missed in the recent years just became perpetuated by the masculinity crisis and the core issue of a personality type/imagery, and archetype that I am vehementely avoiding, there are some positive versions of this, but generally speaking I do my best not to engage in their b.s.

I would most likely do some of this, but fundamentally this is caused by this archetype acting extremely selfish and I have seen nothing else of the archetype as of yet, besides acting selfish or extremely selflessly, and there is more to it, but fundamentally I am not having it.

The annoying part about this is making it superstious, the whole archetype is not very helpful, just generally it’s strange when I look for some nuance for e.g

I never thought the IQ stuff could be a myth etc. with cannabis etc. generally the whole paradigms run by EG persons at times I notice a strange level of anger unsure what I should be thinking about.

It’s very strange it’s the same thing so often EG’s manipulation v.s HO’s wrathful truth.

595

I had a strange dream about this cannabis stuff, very interesting generally speaking, but there is new subtle science constantly coming out that is helping me out in subtle decision making with the holism stuff I read about and the common sense principles, today is the first time I use this channel again to calm down.

596

oh I am suprised this get’s so many views thank you!

I sort of see the core issue, but I can’t take as many integral courses yet and I already took a couple, I especially recommend the course from keith witt, if you’re young and struggle with relationships, I leave that open! I sort of want to give a raw review, but the course was partially so advanced it’s not as applicable, but that mostly counts for my enviroment!

Otherwise I might retake the integral polarity course

I watched this entire episode and I am more than 1k hours into this, way way way beyond, by what I’ve done and I briefly ChatGPT’ed as sort of the nuanced problems I face mostly have to do with the issue of the older generations or older people not being as fast to adapt to technologies, while I intuitively get a lot of value out of them, and some parts of this is very good.

This is way better than the conformity episode, but it touches not the core issues integral and more whole people face, and I don’t know if I will get a repetition of that, but this is very good in of itself, I asked ChatGPT before he asked to think about stuff yourself, just to get a good primer of what the underlying unsaid things are, and quiet frankly it does not quiet touch the advanced mathematical stuff, or shannon entropy and generally the information entropy and philosophy, but what I noticed is how good he is at dispelling and naming sources and showing his POV from what is an illusion, and that for free!! I realize it just now how valueable that is, but most importantly my own thinkings and contemplations and actions I took, I have some frameworks or archetypal frameworks that make this more interesting to watch, and some key principles have not been neccessary to me, there are to many nuanced things not touched, I really really really hope he makes a deconstruction/debunking of post-modernism, that is so badly needed, the rational part is not the problem here in Europe imo, it’s the umber madness in academic settings the issue of post-modernism, and some snobbery are the issues I mostly see.

I like this episode very much, but it reflects some core problems I won’t solve as I am already above the rational paradigm, but it clearly showed me some of the core issues of formalism, or social traps I play in order to get what I want, but it’s at times neccessary, and there is a strong blue/yellow pull in academic settings, that just yearn for these perfect types of intuitions, and you realize damn so many people before me came up with the same conclusions, it’s very very hard in engineering and stem to think out of the box, and the healthy investments, especially financially in the most positive sides of post-modernism is not done, hence you get the issues of umber anger, weak thought leaders and hamsters in a wheel executing, lack of courage and embracing of comfort in conformity.

That was my recent experience, I had to laugh I was so angry with this guy and still have to let go, it’s very nice when he acts encouraging and empowering, but I see some of the core issues with the post-modernity here and some of his personal shadows, that are present within the ex, and I might see that tomorrow on redbull live stream how parts of it play itself out or not, I just hope he does not fall back into the power trip of debunking everything that suddenly is not palpable to his own worldview.

He still mischaracterizes Neil DeGreasy Tyson, I looked at plenty new stuff I did not post where it’s very evident, he is above this paradigm, but has to partake in the scientific game and he does that very well, I thought how can he have such a negative opinion what did he watch?

There is clearly still the wound of immigration present I see this all day all freaking day, as I am part of the winner who took over the country claiming now it’s own territory in Germany, as an U.S citizen seeing the military it’s a very twisted perception, especially if people can’t allocate an identity to you, it clearly shows the limits of rational/sense-making and puts you into construct aware thinking partially, and some of the issues assocaited with the social domain, as I constanly have to for e.g explain the pride of this.

The worst parts is the historical umberness of this academic system in the U.S with PragerU and the war of the gender things, and the abusiveness of post-modern women, I started to value the orange/Green paradigm in recent years more, as it fitted a gap not caused by the issues of post-modernity, I don’t want to play a polygamy endgame, and some contemplations of this, but the more I study it and integral theory the more I meet integral people, the more I find holism in my life generally speaking without just doing it over and over again myself.

I am more interested in a post-modern/integral videos from him, especially within the sciences and academia, what is missing or why some of the issues exist within dating, gender roles and dynamics economy etc. if philosophy has an answer to some of this or a meta-perspective that is unitive, some I find here, but I keep being faced with the some underlying things I personally find I found more in economist classes, mathemathics, philosophy, history and spirituality and ancient wisdom, not everything, also by what I calculated by hand it does not really make sense, I see partially how California schooling partially with the subtle tactics of post-modernism messes with young peoples mind, it’s very difficult to explain, and I see the issue in the distancing of homogenous groups, and then the superficial value exchange.

It’s early for me to say anything about this, with Roger Penrose etc. some stuff he considers and the Kurt Jamal thing, the guy is to hung-up on teaching and power tripping on his better perspectives values, I see some of it via different ways clearly gone wrong, but it looks like he is able to catch himself more often wrong.

I coined some weird terms for him, as I know how my millenial culture reacts to videos like this, and imo what he has done the best and most well is the integration of the inbetween stages, but the drama of anger etc. archetypally, I unironically only looked up his channel as I for e.g believe in reincarnation and “soul imprints” of the cosmos, that some things simply reflect the underlying morphic field of human development conscious thoughts and the impetus of the archetypal drive yearning for it’s kaleidoscopic expresion, and I saw a guy in the Aldi here (supermarket), who was this absolute sweet gorgeous mixture of what I feel I have to go through culturally, every boy and girl is a bunny, we’re all animals, we’re all still hung-up on the animal and moral subject, cats v.s dogs is a cat a dog etc. the core issues about sexuality, and how much of that is tanked by the cartoon/anime etc. culture that expresses some of these topics more liberally with less harm. I give a strange example of this.

Especially this artist there is way more of him, reflects some of the subtle and gray-dark zones of cultural development and wars expressed in the hedonic way that leads to proper growth, let alone through sheer laugther or expression, I found some who took it even further and took transgender people into a funky hip-hop video in the neatherlands I don’t know it fully, but I am one of the first all of this will be projected upon, pretty much close to every nuance I get from this and I have to laugh pretty hard, I don’t think it’s good music but it has some core principles imo, that go beyond are show the post-modern issues, medical systems, birth rates, enviroment, spirit/consciouness, egalterianism, deconstructionism, the issue of meaning and sense-making etc, younger generations have less and less sex, even when we’re bombarded by it, the reality of dating.

I don’t know recently how many poly people approached me, I am not interested in it, I am constantly being asked for domination things, and it’s a bit annoying, and it shows me some larger issues where I see at times enough integral impulses and eros to rather co-create or be ressourceful and be the larger contributor of the co-creation and some new principles with this.

Especially when I see the anime space that holds a large pocket of contraditctions and some key issues I generally face if I am not in a city that is more strongly connected and values meeting people for instance, is how I consistently find myself as a trendsetter, or have experienced trends that I am an early adopter, and 2-3 weeks or months later the trend hitted it peaks and dies down before it repears, that is very very good, generally the intelligence of the IW archetype etc.

The pre-rational things etc. was also good I asked and contemplated with multiple a.is various viewpoints and I see how valueable some are, I don’t think he also found the new Sapolski lectures with his daughter that are super insightful about some core of his interests, that is also exhaustive to watch, otherwise I am looking forward, to some of the episodes it made me think about to reach more into the back pocket of my own growth, especially about some very strange pre-rational trigger points he and many others are guilty of, many projections are rather from pre-rational stages or experiences or the entanglement of it, is stuck at the Tier 1 subtle stages, and yeah just to further contemplate with the a.i as it saves a lot of time.

He misses some of the insights, especially philosophically mathematically he would be very good at where I got tastes of it from Shinzen, but then some of the post-modern issues of ressource allocations begin, some solutions are very simple, but humans are to cheap to use and hire the right humans, it’s very strange how one of the best abillities of post-modernism that I used, to do internships at prolific companies in the sciences, that this is abused by the notion of hope, and the issue of fear, at times it’s very strange and it gives room for a lot of pre-rational mumbo jumbo, but some of it also transcends it, so idk what to say at this point, if you can interpret it from an integral lense it’s not even pre-rational for e.g a tarot reading etc. I read some books of it not entirely of this and I see the same academic issue, and some of what Wilber writes, but tbh I would need to write so much freaking fine print most take the core pragmatic value of it, and do their best to live integrally with it and to exchange that perspective.

I faced some yellow/turqouise issues in the recent past with the a.i adoption of this technology and I lost my trustful person as he was very pro-independent thinking, and the issue of women in high paying careers some of it if they are not very feminine, and how many issues they have with this, and how little trust there is in natural development, for e.g the women who hired me, one of her sons arm was caught inside a grinder, and the issues that the author is prone to also of his post-modern truth seeking, and the issue of constantly expressing and yearning for this partial truth, in this video it’s more nuanced and more construct-aware, but the most negative side I see with the tarot group etc. and new agers is this post-modern constant low-brow deconstruction and I see it already by what type of media they consume how prone they are to revert back to judeo-christian pieas values and how they themselves garner themselves in the oh so secret and precious symbolisms of that, when I just contemplate what the guy looked at pre ice-age it clearly shows me what sluts exists in this field for the constant manipulation in agreement, and I notice for e.g why I personally like astrology more than tarot, as these people are strongly power fixated most of them.

I saw some integral stuff a while ago, and there is a larger more artistic individual perspective on all of it generally I have learned to appreciate the orange/Greenness of things in the recent years, but it bothered me with my own integral development and how strongly I felt held back and challenge by culture, but i am fine now.

Otherwise, the video was good, but I am not the type of guy as i see that exact issue with screaming solid, and perfect in absolute blueness and how the family issue is by far not solved, as well as the bashing of warriors and heros, and the covert main character syndrom everyone has, it’s for me as a warrior laughable as it destorys so much growth, I don’t even need to watch lord of the rings, generally all of this conformity imo and non-conformist conformity destoryed it, I played the games, saw movie enjoyers of this all when it came out, if you don’t touch the Zeitgeist you missed out, 100% I will still be able to enjoy it even now, but some make it more an academic endeavour and I notice how power fixated they are, for me it’s an allegory or methaphor etc. for the reality we live in and the core issues we face in our mutlifaceted society.

I don’t know what will happen, I am looking forward to some other episodes this is very high quality, but I value Leo for his humour more and the projection games I have to play than the actual content at this point, I saw how strange this get’s and there are some energetic issues I have with my scar I can only dissolve if I find a person in my life with whom I can talk about it so they are aware and there is a more euonic social exchange, I had plenty of this, but this was partially destroyed by some of the issues of Tier-1 and it was odd how this defined how I date etc. considering the enneagram, as for e.g 8’s pushed that energy mostly to turqouise/yellow areas, while 2 & 3’s held the line at love and limenal stages and the unseen, 4’s did their best to transcend everything, 9’s and 1’s are absolutely unaware and just observing contributing very little mostly touching or as a 9 healing the pain, and 6’s engage with the entire spiral they see till they are back in the closet space. 5’s level the tooling and engage in the uncertainity etc. 7’s bring joy to the transcendence and refinement that is how I experienced this in my mid twenties, now I see a lot of yearning for 3’ish paradigms, due to americans and the 3’s creative capacities but only with wings, I find older people are also very limited by the enneagram how it’s taught by the variety of social interaction in the digital space and meditation, as well as alternative ressources there is way more depth, and the rigid linear mindedness causes some issues, but envy is the largest issue here, especially as a 4 if you know how that works and how painful it is, I am a 4 myself the video guy is a self-proclaimd 4 (the bald guy) and idk it’s very very strange, especially if you’re aware of the whole spiral and embrace beige/purple/blue, there is a lack of this, umber is the biggest a*** we’re currently facing it destorys democracy imo, i don’t know but that is just my intuition, the episode was very inspiring for my own contemplative efforts, especially with some different ressources, as I have his booklist and faced some limits of this, and why I like Roger Penrose but I also can’t follow all of that, idk if I posted some discussions about consciouness, but yeah it’s an issue to reduce consciouness to matter, and I don’t think Roger Penrose with the dimensionality and all of this there is a way way deeper philosophical mind active if you have done most of these calculations or you’re in a lecture or find some way to “hack” someones mind and see the perspective and give it a shot and not see everyone as a rational ass, most “rational” asses will dress themselves already in orange clothes as npc might that be digitally or in the real world, and work in their production, progress framework idc.

Anyhow my baby cosmic rant and review of this. (p.s thank you for the views!) I appreciate it!

I don’t know some americans taught me same trash talk with pause, and it reminded me of how I access the american sub-consciouss and I had some very strange thoughts but that is better for a perspectival energy exchange sessions in shadow light humour, similar to a comedy show, and I know to little culture and it’s more prone to internet culture etc.

Otherwise I have to look for more issues how I am contirbuting I shape the energetic field to much with the meditations, integral content etc. and when I care about the pragmatism a lot of ressources are pulled away at the wrong places, I was at the right place, but I could not build my own business, and generally there will always be a need for the containment of human hedonism, as well as vanity, I am more contemplating the issues of vanity imo it leads to suicidal ideation, especially when I see the anime scence etc. and the elitism and some of the genetic engineering lectures and algorithsm I saw and did my best to code, he is also right and wrong about this, I am pretty sure science will find a way to model and formalize and reconstruct parts of reality, the core issue is the moralism behind it and preventing the evil things and proper testing, that is sort of the core issue of orange/green line in academia, if they meet, a lot of greens hence op out or if they can walk the fine balance they see some underyling turqouise/yellow lines.

Also all of this reminds me of Shannon entropy Shinzen talked about, and was a culture force and is now used or should be used for a.i/llm security, idk generally speaking at one point this gets pretty nerdy, but it won’t solve the philosophical question about consciouness, but imo it enriches the perspective & love if done right :slight_smile: that is my take.

597

I am watching the episode again to get different types of insights, currently I am wondering as I was heavily involved in the transition from concret and subtle and the meta-rationality website clearly showed me for e.g briefly I did not read all of it and I heavily disagree with the underbelly of post-modernism from Leo Gura, and what I experienced and just watched, idk if I can put it into words, but fundamentally it’s the core issue of my own inspirational energy, and some differences I perceive based on this archetypal layer I am looking it, but to get deeper into it it’s so freaking painful just working with what I have now is enough, I already see early adopters and Wilber has been partially way way way way way before me, what I sort of see now is the subtle online gen-z v.s millenial especially late and early power games, of what they made fun of etc.

The irony of all of this this type of behaviour, jokes and memes all stem legit from my group of friends, as we created a lot of goodness and witnessed it all, especially in e-sports, I ultimately don’t know but this is exactly the umber power games of gen-z they can’t really see not knowing and doing nothing as a higher meta-rational quality and all jump on love and aura, like my grandma who passed away who learned from a reki master from Japan the art of healing these fields, and some of the “consciouness mechanics” I am wondering about with the new Sadghuru audiobook, as it’s unbelieveable what he says, being healed by being bitten by a posinous snake? Really? I mean like who’d believe it?

If it happend I believe it, I am not a rigid skeptic but it’s amazing and insane what people report and talk to you if the level of censorship is lower, what I see now it the core issue of family in gen-z/millenial falling apart, and the core issue of some stuff, I don’t really want to comment deeper as they don’t really get the timeline they’re living in besides some who’re more nuanced advanced and have been involved in sciences that involve or touch meta-rationality where I certainly see the A.I scene if done right, but it’s invested by tealish/umber qualities, and generally speaking the memeing to disincentivize power or to gain or claim more power, as well all know everyone is a mage!

Just by that level of intelligence as I had the meming masters in my friend group I could not stand it I cringe involuntarily to death with the b.s talk my mind is so filled with this level of b.s, it’s still very funny to me but in unveils power dynamics and some things people told me in private, especially as i’ve done excessively shadow work to the point of it that I stop, I still do some sessions, but after engaging with more of Deepak Chopras work and being very open-minded about core curiosities I sort of see how this is played out, but quiet frankly, what I see is how performative the energy of single mother parenthood is, how strongly some core characters including myself have to overcome the issue of nuclear family being pulled apart socially and the power games associated with that.

Who talks about this? As well as the massively undertrained and not well-equiped as they don’t heal the “spiritual wound” this causes or the multiple fields or “auras” for that matter, but we have the quality of perception currently that is so low and trecharous, I wonder what will happen, I mean I like some of it I tested some principles I still don’t have answers as it’s very difficult to find very good masters and everyone has some limit, and just the worst of the worst of gen-z power driven rats, that don’t read the law, have no idea of the law, are overly pragmatic, xenophobic in subtle ways, and act with a level of elitism that does not make sense, most of the dirty work is done by my generation, and we even have issues I can’t touch with the subtle political climate, I am convinced that it will break down and lower itself overtime when I look at the archetypal layer, but at the sametime, people are already stuck in the a.i paradigm, as they did not venture into it, neither transcendental numbers, and stuff I was interested in and I discussed with my friend, as the family survival kicked in I found a website that speaks about the goodness index about countires and the birth rate stuff etc. and what people worry about is so overblown, at the sametime I notice my own ressistance to teaching, as I can only work with people that teach at a level where the student is allowed to break boundaries for self-exploration etc.

I also found some other interesting stuff, about health that I am interested in otherwise, I am still looking for some weird ways to make better decisions, the level of racism of zoomers is surreal as it’s about imagery and success, for e.g I walk into a store, to buy some groceries very late, the guy with his friend groups immediately projecty identity politics onto me, as I have more power, or visibility, influence and projected affluence and it’s all due to the quality of them not being proper adults, with their investing, I have been bullshitted I bullshitted myself with this, and it’s sort of like sucking out the grace of humanity, and I’ve been at this end recently but I know at some level I appreciate it and I never overdo it if someone shows kindness I am to blunt.

I truly wonder about some things I am not digging into as I really like to share this socially with a crowd of friends, but I don’t think that I will be blessed with it I faced so many enemies, haters, enviousness, and the issue of the perpetuation of what stems from my own culture I barely can get engaged in which gives me a lot of empowerment generally speaking, hence black culture and I am for the social identity game half white, 99.9% of things i have to question, because there barely is anyone like me, and all of what happend is so highly coicidental and karmic, it does not make sense to the rational mind it makes no sense from a pre-rational mind either, what I find difficult is.

It is interesting to see the decisions other people made, I made my line so open of what I can do and opt into, people will not have this opportunity, I sent people the best of the best paradigms from integral, while doing partially some more “advanced” stuff than integral itself not entirely but a good portion and it falls on deaf ears, the entire point of this will be very interesting to watch, especially when I finally move from Ger, this has become so bad with the newer generation and the cultural assimilation it won’t go beyond any early integral levels in the next 10-15 years, it’s impossible, they never did the training nor do they know the information and it’s a few rare individuals who’re open, as they will continue to play these games, and they are not taking into the account the power of a.i, most of this will be so lost in the umber scientificness of Germany, it’s amazing, what amazes me more how my own archetypes creates itself consistently the better opportunities to what I currently perceive as the devil of an archetype and the culture wars, as that is the nuclear family break, but heck.

The irony of soul is what I see by partially the advancedness of stuff I looked at, it takes a really open-mind to talk to me, I realized, especially how vile and hostile personal attacks nowadays get, you’ve seen it here if you paid attention, I was pretty raw, but it’s also due to the issues I faced, and I can clearly see some stuff where I did extrem mistakes, but I barely had any data, friends or a tool such as a.i to make better decisions, as I saw the biggest issue not with my process, but the decisions I am making and just grinding out my intuition might work, but this turned so bad for what I required and still I won’t get answers on the most pressing questions,

I quickly broke down fuzzy-logic and stuff akin to this, i don’t know maybe my physics teacher stops fucking students Ger is such an entirely fucked hurensohn country, I don’t know and this b.s was the aunt of one of my students, I hate bird looking people at times.

If this get’s to raw delete the post, I don’t know this insanity of this causality is as weird as it can get and stuck in a european performative paradigm, I can only wish not hope that after doing Wilbers courses this breaks down entirely.

:fire: 20 Core Principles of David Chapman’s Meta-Rationality

1. Rationality Works Only Within a Frame

  • Rationality requires fixed categories, rules, and structures.
  • Frames are useful, but limited.

2. Frames Always Break Down

Every conceptual system eventually fails because reality is not perfectly clean or separable.

3. The World is Partly Nebulous

Nebulosity = some things have no fixed boundaries or definitions.
You cannot force precision onto what is inherently vague.

4. Meta-Rationality = Competence with Frames

The ability to choose, modify, combine, or abandon frames based on context.

5. Rationality is Not the Highest Stage

It is one mode among many; meta-rationality understands rationality from outside.

6. Postmodernism is Half-Right

Postmodern critique correctly exposes the limits of systems —
but wrongly concludes that meaning/systems are arbitrary.

7. Avoid Eternalism

Eternalism = “there is one true meaning/system that explains everything.”

8. Avoid Nihilism

Nihilism = “there is no meaning or structure; everything is arbitrary.”

Meta-rationality rejects both.

9. Meaning is Real but Fluid (“Meaningness”)

Meaning is neither fixed nor nonexistent —
it is contextual, dynamic, and partly nebulous.

10. Meta-Rationality Is a Skill, Not a Theory

It is learned practice:
judgment, improvisation, context sensitivity, and domain mastery.

11. Multi-Frame Thinking

Instead of asking “Which frame is true?”, ask:

  • “Which frame works here?”
  • “What are alternative frames?”
  • “What happens at the boundaries?”

12. Tacit Knowledge Matters

Practical, embodied, intuitive skill is not inferior to rational knowledge.
You need both.

13. Understanding Systems by Looking at Their Conditions

Meta-rational thinkers see:

  • where a system works
  • where it fails
  • why it was built
  • what assumptions it hides
  • what it excludes

14. Metasystematicity

To be meta-rational is to reason about systems, not just within them.

15. Coordination Across Incompatible Models

Instead of collapsing contradictions, hold them side-by-side:

  • physics models
  • psychological models
  • social models
    Each applies in specific contexts.

16. Recursive Self-Awareness

You can observe:

  • how you are thinking
  • what frame you’re using
  • what assumptions drive your perception
  • how your judgment adapts across domains

17. Mistaking Maps for Territory is the Root Error

Rationality mistakes the map for the territory.
Meta-rationality sees maps as tools, not truth.

18. Practice Over Ideology

Meta-rationality is performative:

  • experiments
  • shifting frames
  • modifying methods
  • learning by doing

Not abstract theorizing.

19. Meta-Rationality Emerges Only from Mastery

You cannot skip rationality.
You must first master rational thinking before transcending it.

Meta-rationality is “post-rational,” not “anti-rational.”

20. Some Aspects of Reality Are Inherently Unsymbolizable

Not everything can be formalized, symbolized, or captured by rules.
Meta-rationality accepts this and works with it, not against it.

This is what I briefly can gather I did to much advanced stuff, to read the entire thing that I just had to contemplate that goes over rationality, but not entirely above post-modernity, my entire reality will be and feel like shannon entropy after a while.

What I am wondering about, is the core of the stuff my professors denied as they are stuck in paradigms, then they look at me laugh and continue, coincidence?

Generally, none of the b.s I looked it 1 person might have the luck to touch Truth that I looked at, I can still do DMT anytime at home to get instant hits, I already had hits plenty enough that touches what he talks about, but tbh it’s so alien to touch this, my core character is different very very different.

I am pretty sure there is some ressurrection of stuff I am not posting, it’s not worth it to watch the video further, it’s better to make a study out of Wilber tbh, by what I experienced and saw, also it’s hideous what these people did I can’t think that this will end well, by what spiritual principles I learned in the b.s of karmic games, it’s immense.

I saw a dog that looked like a wolf today I approached it, generally speaking all of this and what Leo showed me the baseline insight the books are enough and what I learn intuitively from life is enough, I am still very different, I like his takes but if I watch it to much I am most likely close to 2k h into his content reviewed and revised, and re-analysed the life purpose course I had such a high morphogenetic arch, I constantly saw peformative slaves in front of me yearning to work out the point driven exellency, working out in the gym meditating, studying coding and writting my small thesis for some of my core interests during that time, and it still unites that is what shocks me, if I would write where I saw the unification that would be even more shocking but fundamentally, the core of this won’t be transcended by the people I see here.

Generally speaking the new Sadghuru book is to advanced to consider any of this longer and just tread my own path, I just look into it, there is still the tyranny present of conformist hidden in denial of survival benefit, anything genuient, is carried by my warrior spirit anyway, I have to enter a completely different domain, but yeah I will see what happens, one thing is for sure I will move and leave this country and space behind, it’s spiritualy immature, and partially fked by what Hitler did, I don’t know I will most likely talk to my mother, i have never seen such failures of existence as an inspiration than Gen-Z who has it easier than ever and is still as dumb as a brick, I have never seen this, but I know part of me is in the same domain and that makes me smart :wink: not always but often enough.

Generally speaking, europe won’t be able to get rid of it’s subtle conformity or a longtime the character does not fit it.

The stuff I did and looked at these people I currently resent won’t touch by the nature of their interests.

598

It’s so ironic when I see what my american family studied at UC berkely w/e just geniuses and I have to content with the german trash that studies psychology in this day and age can Keith just whack them all day and bring the good JP back into his closet space in Candda, it fitted him.

sigh… he started boiling this pot and never finished it.

Rationality what a shit show.

Vanity at it’s finest, I thank you Bayer, Heidelberg and Adolf. (my grandpa was named Adolf)

599

I watched the conformity episode parts of it again, I notice that I am very different from the guy biologically, and I learned from Shinzen and some other enlightend people in person, I get some of the nuances he wants to speak about, but he was to radical in the last years in some stuff, I had to realize some odd ends for myself, and figure out some ways, for e.g I experience a lot of spiritual states on alcohol after reading some Deida book, it’s not entirely based on alcohol and more the enviroment I have, but it does not serve prolonged breakthroughts it’s like the cherry on top, that helps me.

I find this very weird, I posted so many post about alcohol here and dreaming, I don’t know why this is the case I found a website and some testing that can get into this on the genetic level, I watched some newer lex fredman podcasts and see the limits of their contemplations as a researcher as I got into these genetic engineering classes I feel bad for Lex, it’s odd how stuck the post-modern paradigm is, but I can’t blame it they feel such a collective pull to not loose sanity it causes more problems than it solves.

I also was forced to push myself to the autonemous stage, and was constantly enacting first principles from this and saw how often I genuiently was at a higher or lower perception and how much I contributed energetically to this, also having done the Wilber course besides the tourquise part, as I was not in a very good condition showed me some of these limits, and I see some new aspirations to reach that, but it’s very very limited I had a lot a lot of autonemous conformists that are young in a post-modern culture that pushes you hard, and they are not tourquise sorry for anyhow not liking the terms or very late vision logic, every very late vision logic approach was framed as THIS IS IDENTITY POLITICS THIS IS NOT A PROBLEM LET’S care about language but every seasonsed professors into this looked at me and they felt partially emabrassement partially hope for me, and their students the embarresment and then hit you with pure autonomey etc. of getting this done as it has benefit to mankind.

I don’t really know what to think, I find it difficult to speak with someone open-mindedly about any of this besides a.i and letting my own bullshit be called out by the a.i but not to the point of disempowerment, which just shows me some of the limits interacting with humans, all in all I will continue to do this, ever since I joined actualized.org back in the day I did not want to join it simply because of the achiever consciouness conformity and everything, that was not masculine strong etc. was dominated made fun of in subtle ways, but intelligence and wisdom was appreciated and I had to realize some stuff, I worked with such accomplished and credential people especially as a baseline standard, it clearly showed me the limit but mostly on the emotional/moral form, not cognitively! Cognitively it was never a problem, but the decision making and the planning, execution and tooling around all of this and the lack of forsight and visioning it was very bad.

Now I sort of see and most likely that type of conformity will not stop if I view it archetypally through the BaZi lens, as many barely acknowledged they touched their shadow or did shadow work, the shit that came out there for me was immense.

All in all, I notice just listening to it once, and doing my own stuff and finding different teachings and teachers is better, there is a level of conformity the guy for sure knows, but it’s very good to listen to it once or twice, if I would’ve known back in the day how to not pull or push this guys buttons intuitively I would’ve gotten better results, but I did not really know where to go, so much weird shit was happening, and I had so many transrational experiences on LSD I could see multiple maps and their entirety, but somehow there is an issue on an umber level with many who unconsciously benefittted from the majority priviledge I don’t know if this will come to an end, as many take up opportunities, and I don’t agree with some stuff of him, there would needed to be more advanced episodes idk if it’s worth it, but tbh I already pulled out so much value from this, I was forced to look at different ends, and it’s mostly just integrating some basline rational knowledge with the meta-rational principles I enjoyed so much anyway and how, and getting away from biased social pressure, as they are not good at leading, there are clear things I noticed I still would not trust this guys leadership, as I saw what happens on the forum, he would need to ban 90% of his forum, but I am also getting wiser at this point about humans, and some very very deep insights into the nature of spirtuality/causation etc. that plays itself out but yeah I don’t really know reality is very very different from me than anyone that is even an outlier.

600

What I’d be looking forward to would be showing the illusions autonomey, and post-modernity, especially the mixture of it, there is so much b.s that happend due to the nature of a.i his take on a.i would also be highly appreciated but he is fked on the notion of appreciation. I get it from the russian perspectives I recently saw, and I went through but omfg, I can’t stand the subtle lies people tell, and I don’t even know if it’s true, especially liars, cheaters and all of this stuff at one point my brain just stop remembering and I appeal to the goodness of the human.

But what struck me that the goodness is god, that is by far the most significant truth I got from him in the recent times, there has been so little goodness in god, I would most likely have 3 wives, be a conscious billionair and smoke pot if this would’ve continued, this is an overblown statement, but yeah I will see, the trickist thing is that b.s and lies and manipulation a.i caused I faced so many career fraudsters I don’t know what to say, it makes everything I worked for valueless because they just sit there and do what M.A sociologist would do it’s so weird so freaking weird, especially with people who value the god-likeness of creativity, that I was trained in, and touched partially and I saw how that was part of the expression of the stages, but yeah that is still something I did not touch for at least 3 years close to 3 years I’d say only on occasion and that only while gaming or doing smth. else that was my workout but not in coding etc. To get insights from my lifestyle of meditating, working out occasional psychedelic, going into nature and doing planned micro-retreats, and doing what serves my body.

I am still heavily focused on that because my genetics most likely are more complex I will certainly buy one of these tests I just found that dive into genealogy as almost my whole family is dead at this point. No grandpas/grandmas both sides, only uncles, cousins and 2 are left from the german side, and america there is way more, but it sucks to do not have some very strong family foundations as that facilitates cultural breakthroughs not only for oneself that would be the purest form of goodness and that is what is missing, as I think EG is envious of 7k’s possibilities of this, if this is not reconciled with HO attacking anything that reecks of manipulation and does it itself idk.

But this is my strange take, don’t quote me on this if you quote me on this you’d clearly realized I’d lost my mind, but quite frankly I#ve seen so many disgusting games, I know why I value HO so much at this point, but this is tanked by the performative creative of our times.

Idk it’s very strange, especially considering Sadghuru and some very advanced work about karma etc. I would also like to engage in some type of group that aids to the healthy version of stage blue, but just pure healthy stage blue spiritualy that is polythesitic, but that is not possible it’s insane how fucked society is, idk sigh… I stop at this point.

601

I can’t really scroll down :sweat:, I wanted to share my dream I recently had, it was about the health coach I follow for a while and some other stuff, I don’t recall the exact thing besides, that he lectured something and they all did not really pay attention and we had to remove a troublemaker, after this I somehow saw him yearning to teach me something but in utter serenity in a burmese sitting posture, and I looked to me left and saw a chamelon as a symbol next to the house, I thought to myself in the dream, I already know what your teaching me what is this for, and I looked at the symbol of the chamelon again, and it moved suddenly and became briefly more like a 2.5d creature, and there was a tree behind him IIRC, he smiled and looked sternly at me after this, as he sensed I already know and I would sort of leave the dream and the teaching behind.

That is sort of my interpretation the other time it was similar, it’s quite strange but it ends in me passively not engaging in the teachings, as I am not evoked to participate and very often I feel a stronger calling of what can be said is god and it ends the dream and I wake up, it’s a bit weird I am watching partially this.

There are some subtle truths that people speak about that I wonder if this will finally die down, as well as how strongly this is tied to the issues democracy is facing imo, and I can clearly see just by what I went through how discriminatory both sides have been, as well as how much I worked to get the opportunities and tbh, most comes from the integration process of god, that I had in my meditative practices, all in all it’s strange as I noticed a spiritual envy of this type of creativity, and I don’t really know what to do with this, I visualized more to circumvent this and it worked quiet well, but I have to renew my vision like every 3-6 months, as there is a constant influx of new development that impact the field that I am in and quiet frankly, what I saw now with the people as well as the procces I trusted is a huge break in terms of the quality of people I let into my life, and being here is still one process I certainly notice, it’s very very very very odd it’s as if love is retroactively coming back into my life, and destorys the illusions of people who just took that energy ran with it, and selfishly feed on it.

There is nothing I can due, and this has been very subtle as very often these interactions hinged on something else, equanimity which I did not touch as I only gained equanimity through sensory clarity and concentration, and my level of equanimity due to the subtle pain I process with Shinzen’s techniques is very energetic as I face the pain of the scar, I bought a tool to fix some of it, I don’t know if it will work, but quiet frankly I moved to a place that is a social regression, due to the corrupting influences of both sides, but it’s still better economically here, I had to face a lot of panic and the fear of panic and layers of this, only to come out stronger and stronger again, and I had serious issues everything dependent partially on either my abillity to be financially savy, and other stuff I nearly died once on the Autobahn as my car broke down during that time, and all I felt was the laugther of blood sucking ticks who abused and gamed the system in the most subtle prostitute of ways, and that is what I keep seeing, as well as sort of the issue of both ends, but in the end it’s true.

What bothers me the most is how late I was only able to discover the trauma of my German family, the lack of empathy for highly empathic individuals due to the social coercion of their times and parenting, as well as how painful that is and the core pillar of internal joy I built for myself, but in the end, I don’t even know a part of me was extremely disappointed with all the social pressure, and the lack of support I direly required and needed, but it was not possible it was so psychopathic to support oneself so strongly, you don’t need anyone anymore you want to cry in your bed alone at home, you can’t even cry due to the responsibilities you face, and what you want to build, everyone supports you like a slut for your success but nobody is there when you need them, and when you need them or think you need them they are a hinderance to your vision.

How fked is that? How many people went through this even, I just desired to be alone and help the ones who direly required it, with what I yearned to build but in the end, I made such negative experiences with German companies as well as the subtely of this, it’s evident for me how twisted the scenario is as well as how much hinges on me to be an autonemous individual and I even had better chances if I had more time, better explanation of ressources but a.i was to late, and the people I meet just did everything through their social rungs and support, that is a practical impossibility in Germany to do the best I can get is a post-modern chinese guy who turns right and someone from a citiy that does officialy not exist (I am playing here), but in the end what would you do?

Your aunt is sitting next to a German billionair, multi-millionair (part of this JohnDeer tractor b.s stuff) is acting panickly in her types of manipulation to not die with her illnesses they all stay quiet, she gives 0 access to anything that is or could be beneficial and acts like a dork, I get 0 information about anything they deny the dependency of everything, just yap about everything morally, I yearned to discuss with my family, my mother is at her end after my grandma passed away took care of her etc. ILLEGALLY!!! But it was not an other option financially, and I have to witness the shit show of this type of democratic funds in your ass b.s while I grind my ass in university with barely any money, she wins multiple cases because of this, my neighbour is the judge I don’t know if that is correct but he is one or rather was as I don’t live there anymore and in the end, I have and had to deal with all of the b.s that supported me, get diagnosed with some stuff I can’t change and face the social and power dynamics of this.

I don’t know what to think of this, in the end all I can say is I wonder if this subtle level of fraud and manipulation will have it’s end, especially by what I faced and how dogmatic people are about energy, even if you’re just neutral to play an energetic role for people and a sterotype that I don’t fit, it was so freaking weird, all I can say about this is the level of subtle corruption I faced and what I sense will happen, is going to play out entirely different from what I expect it to, but I am just very happy when I can leave this country with the level of subtle hostility, manipulation and dubai whoring it’s so bad, I don’t want to see this ever again.

602

I don’t really know what to think I stayed up all night to contemplate all of the b.s I watched in recent years, and for sure I find something what I notice mostly is the core issue of conformity and my interests, the core issue of the newer generation buying into the science paradigms having never seen a self-made scientist to the level that I was fortunate I was to witness, as well as the “cheap” outlets of all of this, as well as my own path, the point is for me there is so much subtle influence of stuff I barely will get my hands on in the west or a way to deal with it besides meditation and exercising, I don’t truly know what will happen I will mostly just watch and get data practically on this on what not to do, see how the depceptive nature of human relationships will play themselves out and go my own path, without the post-modern paradigms, if there is to much of it and unhealthy as well as the umber autonomey I am gone, I am looking forward to this, and letting go of the recent past, I am pretty sure some of it will catch back up it constantly does for whatever reason, but I will see what will happen.

There are some core paradigms democrats completely messed-up, and I wonder how this will be fixed, and I don’t have neither did I have the time to care about political truths as much I was doing my best with the free resources I could find, and I noticed my strength are clearly more historically aligned and deriving insights through these means and about peoples lifes, I can probe very deep and I have always been very good at that, I continue to get some core insights about some stuff and turn these into full-fleged internalizations and find the people who’re more supportive and not more of a positive-neutral factor or a neutral factor, or turn out to be a dud, there are some core things I was very good at that I did not nuture, and I see some core issues about judeo-christian culture that I have a lot a lot of synchronicities with that show me a way past that, and I like christianity generally speaking, but my experience has not been well etc. I am mostly looking for historical stuff that seems true to me, I won’t have the time in this life to look up every truth etc. and I am generally and was generally more interested in consciouness and the experience of god, then just singing in a church or dancing to feel my soul or smth.

That is partially already baked in my, my father was a gifted or is a gifted musician who had a scholarship, generally the whole situation with my american family is so dark, it shocks me and I don’t get the nervous system freedom here to explore it as post-modernity recks it’s nose at anything that does not seem like progress to them, and some of this get’s so technical I have to look at this slowly and find my own truths in this, anyhow this is mostly what I thought of generally this will take me a while, I can’t really tell how valueable my previous work has been as with all of the societal changes I was part of due to the nature of a.i, a lot of this caused more panic and fear, and I had some strange feelings about this intuitively and some core issues I have with some people about this with the “yellow/umber” paradigm of a lot of academics, and some core issues with some fields generally speaking, as well as my own history, and some of the stuff that I see reflected in things I am not putting a blind eye to anymore, generally I have to set myself up for a life full of success that is non-standard or non-conformist to what the current notion of western society in the post-modern spaces fears, but has to embrace to reach some truths that are more whole.

The point is some of this subtle stuff I feared, and it’s basically what is broken or will be broken by zoomers with their behaviour in sexual relationships and that is the core of trust, I’ve seen it and spoken to a number of good friends in the past going through heartache to the point of contemplating suicide one person that is quite brilliant, and it was insane what the person did for someone else, I just wonder what will happen, fortunately I see this shit show displayed publically, the point is I know my type of luck, if I don’t look up some stuff I will meet these people out of the sheer energy of enthusiasm etc. and quite frankly I don’t want that, I am curious but not that curious and I rather want to leave this stuff behind there is so much stuff that has not been told to me it’s insane and quite frankly I don’t care about some stuff where I have to worry about bullshit from others, especially european umberness and some of the stuff I was contemplating and talking to about other people.

I did not tell that dream, but the person father explained something to me in a dream that was part of the core achievment consciouness of europeans and specifically Germany, and he laughed explaining it to me, I saw that person only in one picture, and I thought why now why explain this to me now, all of this boils down to what is happening currently, and the difficulty of the task as well as core attraction patterns that don’t make sense to me, but I deeply cherished due to the nature of wholeness I experienced as well as the kindness of humanity without any charity, or any other type of b.s that causes this deplorable scenario of human manipulation. I faced this now multiple times and subtle ways and it will just lead to an Epstein scenario in the end, and not the outlet grok most likely is ironically or unironically.

Otherwise, I am pretty chill about this, it’s very odd how symbolically as I read the paper during that time I don’t recall everything from Cook-Greuter the part of the construct awareness is, and some core issues of the subtle releam with auras etc. or biofields etc. I might look into if I find the right information, I also was briefly before a massive breakthrough in meditation before this happend but I somehow fucked it up with all the depression I went through and the animalistic type of jokes and nature of humanity, it showed me my own and that is good now with the conceptual layer I have it’s just very funny to me and I know what I am facing more deeply, idk it’s very very odd.

Mostly what is shocking to me is the level of ignorance of my aunt, some core issues about goodness in god or as god, and how badly this has become, especially the hatred of the DR archetype within my own family on a sub-conscious level, I hope I get through a jungian audiobook I won’t read it, these things if I would read it in german put me into a very closed and limited box, due to the nature of the time and I have to see what will happen or occure here.